I am learning slowly how to accept my mother. She seems fragile now since my Dad is gone. Not really bitter like usual.

I like your thoughts on all that she did do. Although her way is not to my liking all the time (prickly) she did do many things for me that I am thankful for.

The one thing being taking wonderful care of my children when I left an abusive marriage so I could go back to school. She went above and beyond providing wonderful care for them. I got to go to school without worrying about them which was very comforting. They were still in diapers. You can never fault her care giving skills with children. Recently she took care of some little kids in her building for new immigrants as they trusted her. She took on twins under a year and a 2 year old while the mother went to school. At the age of 80.

I think part of the problem for me is that I have not let go of some things from my past. Things that she did, said to me and I need to do that.

Also, my focus had been on the marriage and feeling sorry for my Dad and I need to stay out of that and focus on my relationship with my mother.

Maybe my Dad went first so I can deal with this.

I have a long way to go but am trying to see her for who she is, and focus on the good, not the annoying. This is not easy at times.
Kate