Kate, I've been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you're doing. This is a really tough stretch, these first few months. In my opinion and experience, it gets tougher before it gets better, because the longer we go without seeing our loved one, the more real it becomes that this is forever.

That hole will never go away - and that's okay. Time does heal our ability to co-exist with it, and to feel more joy than tears.

Crying is normal, sadness is normal, grief is normal - and there is no "perfect" timeline - some people say 2 years, some take 5 years but I think it starts to get easier after you've gone through all of the "firsts".

I don't think it's unusual for to go for counselling to help you get through the sadness. After Mom died (Dad had died two years prior) in 2001, I worked myself into a total physical burnout trying not to deal with the grief - then spiralled into a full-blown depression. So when my brother died this past year, I didn't hesitate - I went back into therapy almost immediately because I knew that I wouldn't do as well going through the grief alone. It was a good decision for me, my therapist was wonderful and helped a lot.

For me, though, it was my sisters right here at BWS who most helped me through the roughest dark patches. We're here for you, so many of us have been through this and know the agony of absence.

Others will have insight and wisdom as well. I say that if you feel the need to talk with someone, don't hesitate. Your minister, a therapist, your doctor - find someone, don't go through it all alone.