Thank you Jaw Jaw. I have been told more than once that I have the patience of Job.

I learned through counselling, and I've been to many courses, that every negative thought or action comes back to you. That not forgiving only hurts you. This is so true. I remember when I first left my abusive cheating ex husband I was so angry but the anger I had did not affect him at all, only me. So, I forgave him and my life has been so much better for it. I have to be clear that I forgave him, I did not forget because we need to protect ourselves from further abuse.

I have a pleasant relationship with him now for the sake of my kids, but my guard will always be up when it comes to him.

This goes for my Mom too. I forgive her but don't forget as I have to keep my boundaries with her in order to protect my spirit (soul)

Some people think by forgiving that we are saying the abuse or whatever is ok. I disagree, forgiving just means you've let go of the hurt and pain and by doing so find inner peace. I acknowledge that the person is who they are and are on their own journey. They will have to deal with their behaviour in their own way.

As for my Mom. She has to deal with herself and I know that she is not a happy person inside. Instead of anger I am trying to be accepting of her letting her deal with her own issues or not if she chooses not to.

Bonnierose, that is very true about father's and daughter bonds. I now have pictures all over my house too and believe that my Dad is with me, I just can't see him at the moment.
As in part of this poem, "Death is nothing at all I have only slipped away into the next room"

Kate