Although my Mom is difficult and not the kind of person I would have as a friend she is still my Mom. I'm in the anger phase of grief. It's easier to be mad at her then to continue being sad. I must focus on the positive, the wonderful memories I have of my Dad. My Mom is who she is and I don't have to like it. But there is nothing I can do about it. I learned along time ago that the only person you can change is yourself.

She came over tonight as I think she is trying to be closer to me. She told me she feels nothing, doesn't seem to miss my Dad in the least. I of course have a problem with this and don't understand how she can feel this way as I miss my Dad so much.

My parents did not get along and I wouldn't be surprised if she just felt some relief. I do worry though that she is not dealing with his death at all and it may come back to bite her one day soon. Or maybe not. Who knows.

Although she has said some terrible things to me I know in her own weird way that she does love me. I need to make peace with her as one day she will leave too and I don't want to feel any regrets or feel guilty.

I do have to have boundaries with her though as the way she feels about my boyfriend is just wrong. She has never even met him, it's just the colour of his skin that is a problem for her. Saying she never wants to meet him, and that he is never to set foot in her house etc. is also her problem. I know at Christmas (not this year) but down the road if he is here she will refuse to come and that will be her choice. I am not going to cater to her. I know there will be some difficult times ahead but I will take the high road as I don't want to be like her in that way. I let her control me as a young person, but I will not let her control me now.

It's too bad, but that is the way things are.
Kate