I hyphenated my kids names with my maiden name and my ex husbands. My daughter uses my name and my sons use their father's last name. They don't want to use the two names at school because it's a pain on forms etc.

I kept my father's name because my brother didn't have any kids and he was the last one. His name is very important to him. He comes from Denmark and has a printed book with all of the relatives names, births etc. In my father's family the children have their mom's maiden name as their middle name. That way they have both parents names.

I guess all I can say is that things can change. When your son's have children they may face a challenge. What to name the kids. Maybe then their family name will have more importance than it does now.

I must say though that it is surprising that your son's would change their names for their wives. It's sure a different world.

One good thing is that names can be changed back again down the road. I really understand your dilemma. I would express my disappointment but you don't want to get into a war over this as it may backfire.
Kate