That has been my theme song lately. I finally got the courage to follow through. I'm shaking as I'm writing this. Last Friday, I kicked out my alcoholic, abusive husband. The night before, exploded over a conversation he initiated about driving the kids to school. I told him I didn't have a problem getting the kids to school, that I didn't realize that his driving them was a problem. Okay. End of discussion. Nope. He wouldn't accept my answer. Instead, he began belittling and criticizing me. He jumped from subject to subject, criticizing everything he could possible think of. It escalated from there. Two of my kids were home, and they saw the danger in the situation and got out, went to their friend's house. I started to leave but when I reached the car, husband tried to stop me. I backed away but he continued after me. He stopped. I went straight to the police station, but I sat outside for a while and didn't have the courage to go in. Later, safely at a friend's house, I called the police from there. They escorted me home so I could collect some belongings. Because he hadn't struck me, they couldn't remove him from the house, they told me. Husband was passed out drunk. They did give me information on domestic violence and filing a PFA.

This has been going on for 17 years. Husband was incarcerated in 2000, but I made the mistake of letting him back several months after he got out. What was keeping me from kicking him out all these years is money. I am not making enough money to support me and the kids. But last week I finally said enough is enough. I kicked him out. Told him if he didn't leave, I would file the PFA. I've been worried about how I'm going to pay the rent and the bills. He was a deadbeat, so the rent is two months behind and my gas is off, and the utilities are past due. I'm having faith. I passed him in the car yesterday, and I began shaking. I was panicky all day. I told myself to remember those physiological symptoms every time I get second thoughts. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm still alive and so are my kids. I'm able to breathe easier. He is getting pretty pissed off over my independence, and he is trying to thwart it. I will not let him this time.

And now that I wrote that, I have to stick to it. Thanks for letting me rant.
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