It may sound weird but I do not pray that this will be HIS time. I do know where you are coming from though Jawjaw and appreciate your prayers.

I felt like this at one time. My son sent me the AA book and asked me to read it. It is the one he reads, not the one for family or friends of the addict. It made his journey much more clear to me. Relapse is a part of the journey. It would be great if it wasn't, but it is what it is. He has spent 7 long years addicted to drugs and has only seriously started on the journey to sobriety for the past year or so. Before that he just did it to please me, get me off his back, go along with his court order etc.

It is so important that we (the parents) understand that nothing we can do will make them stop. I made mistakes, I kept telling him to change, I got angry with him, I tried everything but all this did was make him more hard on himself. He felt unaccepted.

If I were to do it over again I would still do the tough love thing, still ask him to leave my house. But, I would be much more supportive emotionally. I would not judge him.
I would not lose my patience with him or get angry. This does more harm than good. While I was trying to help him, I was in fact not helping him.

Now, I just accept, be non judgemental, encourage him and believe in him. Tell him that he is smart and that he will figure it out.

His counsellor told me that my son is a follower. Due to the drugs he has no idea of who he is. He has no sense of self. He encourages him to rely on himself, make his own choices. This is the only way he will start to believe in himself and stop listening to everyone else, including me.

I am now enpowering him rather than constantly giving him advice and asking him to change. This is working out much better.

Oh how I wish I had known all of this years ago. I do hope my experience helps your friend Dotsie, and anyone else who is reading this.
Kate