I have tried to talk sense into his friend many times and he tells me to mind my own business. He gets very beligerent with me so this is a dead end street.

He is my son's best friend, or so my son thinks, but he has kicked him out of his place many times as he doesn't want to put up with him when he is using crack either.

What I can't understand is why he would put my son in this situation when he knows he has to go to treatment this Tuesday. He knows my son has to be clean for five days before he checks in and if he even smokes pot (which he will) it will show up and he will be turned away and then what? He will come back to my house with yet another sob story.

My son is not dumb, he is a manipulator. He tells you what you want to hear to get what he wants.

One of my friends said, what will happen after he has completed this 42 day program if he gets in? Then he will want to come to your house again as he will have no where to go. I know this is true. I think he uses this treatment thing as a survival technique as he knows I will let him stay at my house if he is trying, or at least appearing to be trying.

Not only is his decision to go visit his friend a bad one, he is breaking his probation order as he is not allowed to leave the province which he did. The probation officer called me the other day and left a message wanting him to call her. Now he is putting me in a tricky situation. If she calls again I won't lie for him.

He does not want to take care of himself at all and just wants a warm bed/home, food (he ate everything in my house) smokes bought for him, etc. etc. without any of the responsibility. While he was here I bought him 4 packs of smokes in five days. I can't even afford to smoke. I am supporting my other two kids on one income and my rent takes more than half of my paycheque.

I don't want to be a victim here or take what he is doing personally. It is his life, but I have to realize that while he is making his choices, I have to make mine. My new choice is that I've helped him long enough and I can never let him come back home again. Maybe for short visits at Christmas but never to live while he is waiting for treatment.

Anyway, I still believe that it's important to be there for him emotionally, but not financially anymore. His decisions are his, but they affect me to the point where I can't focus at work and that is affecting my life big time. He drags me down with him so I have to let go.
Kate

(thank you for your prayers)