Kate, I read through this whole thread, and it reads like an emotional roller coaster. I am wondering if the panic has ceased when you have seen your son the last time(s) or do you still shake or how do you anticipate him coming to see you? Has your trust in him increased? Are these questions for the counselor? Sorry. I noticed that the last few posts focused on him, so I didn't understand how you are feeling now. I hope you are able to carry on with a normal life. It's hard on the other kids too when attention needs to be focused on one other child. I hope all is well. What kind of books are you looking for? If it's about adolescent agnst, addiction, recovery, and relationships, I have many titles. L, PL