Well, I apologize for lashing out. Ladies and I DO mean ladies, all of you. I've felt like a cornered animal for such a long time. So many things have come at me so fast and I've either had to duck and cover my face and head or try hard to dodge them or in this instance fight back.
I'm basically a lover and not a fighter but sometimes you have just frickin had enough and that's when you should just go off somewhere and breathe or count to 10 or something.
Everyday of my life is a challenge. I need friends and people who love me yet I want so desperately to be understood and accepted for who I am that most of the time I just insult people lash out at them and shove them away because I feel that once they truly get to know me, they won't like me anyway....AND I get tired of feeling I have to defend myself to people who really have NO frickin idea what life is really all about for some of us. Its OK that's the path you have and this is the path I have. I'll try harder to empathize with you, but don't even try to judge me or put me into a pidgeonhole that makes you feel more comfortable about who you are.
Just yesterday my daughter (the mother of the two who live with me) found out she has cancer and while she was leaving the doctor's office someone rear ended her and totalled her car. That same day I had to pay her cable bill so was unable to pay mine, while on the same day checking to see if DCF had approved us for an EBT card. I just accepted a new job yesterday which means I'll have to go through orientation and training all over again and the guy I foolishly let myself care for, dumped me because we were in his words, "incompatible". (and we were) but it still hurts and I still cry when I allow myself to and that isn't often.
That's just a typical day for me regardless that some seem to think I'm making it all up. I live in a frickin nightmare on Elm st and there are bright spots and wonders and awesome breaks, but most of the time I'm that frightened, angry trapped animal being bombarded and threatened by a pitbull frothing at the mouth ready to devour me and mine.
So, take it for whatever you will. That's my life and God knows I'm doing the very best I can and I was just thanking him today for my health so I CAN go out there and meet my obligations and for the ability to do it. I appreciate my sexuality....shoot its one of the free pleasures I have in my life and you want to take that away from me too! I'm careful and NOT promiscuous. One thing I am is open and honest and what you see is what you get whether you like it or not. It's me.