She's only 20..and she barely knows herself. Is she living at home or out on her own, holding down a job?

HOw many of us knew ourselves at the tender age of 20? The following year at 21 I fell into a deep depression because I was still resolving stuff with my parents. Sounds like your ex-'s daughter still needs to resolve abit of stuff. (Not necessarily involving you at all.)

Jeez, NewLeaf. I have no problem with big age gaps but both partners should have experienced some living after leaving the womb.

It would be diferent if the young woman was in my case 30 and the guy was 54. At least, she has had some years of life experience after flying mama's and papa's home.

I do have a strong opinion about this because my partner is 16 years older than I.

I firmly believe a woman first has got to get her career / job experience first preferably finish at higher level of education beyond high school since alot of jobs these days require more than high school. She should have also dated and travelled before she enters into such a relationship.

It helps enormously that the woman has demonstrated financial independence and has carved her own distinct identity as woman in how she relates to her family, friends, work colleagues and community.

THEN, she enter into such a relationship with more wide open eyes. She at first, must become a strong person in her own right.

I will say NewLeaf, that I did fall for my partner...but I kept my home, which I bought the year before I met him and lived in it for the next 14 years. I paid off the mortgage. I didn't move in to share a home with my partner. Nor did I have romantic visions I was going to help raise his children. My determination to understand MYSELF was important....and I could have only done it, if I had my own space.

Of course we spent alot of time at each other's homes.

Hope that your ex's daughter becomes strong in understanding herself and becoming to know the best skills she can use ....does know her own gifts/skills/talents at 20?