OK when I started this post it was purely because of my cousin's recent success with a younger guy. Now I have a situation of my own.

I've met a guy who is 24 (and I am 48). We are thrown together quite often at my second place of employment and have become very good friends.

To make a long story short, he's thought I was great for a long time, and my feelings for him have grown too. This isn't a "younger guy wanting an experience from an older woman". He's only had a few girlfriends. He was big in size when growing up, and I think even at home they gave him a hard time, so his self confidence isn't over the top.

His size is still an issue to him, but his self confidence is growing. I don't mind stocky/sort of heavy, and think he's cute as can be.

I made a huge mistake the other night and kissed him. He immediately latched onto that and hoped for more of a relationship, but as of today we've had some good LONG talks and everything is OK. The friendship will remain intact no matter what (he's very mature for his age, that part of him doesn't seem young at all).

Bottom line is, after all of this talking, he has the most old-fashioned values I've ever run across. He is not looking for just a night of fun or an "experience", he is honestly just looking for love.

I've thrown up every obstacle I can think of and he understands how I feel (that we can be great friends, but this can never go anywhere else and I should not have allowed the kiss, it was my fault, I take total responsibility and I'm sorry, it won't happen again). I've said I'm too old, he's too young. I've said I'll die much sooner than him and he'll be alone. I've said he may want children someday and it isn't fair. I've said we have nothing in common except a physical attraction (which isn't enirely true) and that isn't enough. I've said we're too different and it will never work. I've said much more, but you get the drift.

But I can't help thinking about it. He is a gentleman who holds doors and is polite and respectful. Since our talks, he won't even give me a hug goodbye unless I initiate it, he's afraid to do anything I don't want. And he has the best communication skills I've ever run across from anyone (even the Ph.D.'s I work with).

Don't y'all scream at me, I know this is nuts. I'd never let him know I have these thoughts, and yet I do. My goal (if there was a "man goal") was to find a nice "flannel shirt kind of guy" who is about my age and can travel and have some fun in retirement. But that hasn't been found and I'm wondering.

Maybe part of it is because my last "guy" is ten years my senior and is always in crisis/needy. We've more or less broken up now (I keep trying and he doesn't want to). Even though he has been good to me, it was/is stressful alot of the time. He never wants to do anything "permanent" but is willing to "hang out" forever. Our views on sex are not even in the same universe, and I haven't had a spark or any attraction to him for a LONG time. Even though he's a nice guy, I've known that isn't right for a LONG time and actually think the relationship is toxic to me.

I'm not on the rebound. I get a fair amount of attention from the male species, but can't help being drawn to this younger guy. I know he'll be good as gold to whatever woman is lucky enough to get him.

OK, y'all go ahead. Tell me to run for the hills, screaming like my hair is on fire.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Arg!

Whirlwind