For what it's worth, I was/still am in a similar situation as your husband. I'm not bipolar, but had a massive breakdown involving severe depression in 2002. Although I've been stable for almost 2 years now (my brother's death two months ago hit me hard but I already know that I'm going to weather that grief without spiralling down), I'm still not able to work. It took me about 2-3 years before I even felt like I was on solid ground; then I went through severe anxiety and couldn't even go outside my front door for days at a time. It was this place and the women here who helped me find the courage and healing I needed to get out that front door.

Now I'm able to get out and about on my own, but only within close proximity if I'm alone. I've often felt like I should be able to get out there and get more involved, maybe do some volunteering. But the reality is that I just don't have the emotional/mental stamina to do too much. For example, if I have a really busy couple of days in a row, I have to have a day to recuperate and recharge my batteries. It's just the way it is with me right now, and I've had to accept that those are my limitations. I'm slowly stretching those limitations, and someday hope to get to the stage where I can volunteer for even one day a week. But for now, my energy/stamina just isn't reliable enough to commit to anything.

I don't know if that helps at all - I've tried to explain it to others, but unless you've "been there" it's impossible to fully understand. It's as if there is a huge block of cement in my gut that's been there for most of my life. Therapy, drugs, prayer, Tai Chi, massage therapy, living life at my own pace and sheer determination have helped me to learn how to live with that block (I would also describe it as chronic sadness & chronic fatigue), but nothing has ever been able to move or remove it. The official term for me is dysthemia (chronic depression). I would suppose that people with bipolar must be prone to that "block" as well. It really makes it difficult/impossible to enjoy life to its fullest.

I've prayed, I've begged, I've pushed myself beyond that block in the hope that if I act as if it's not there, it will disappear...but I've learned the hard way that pushing myself beyond my limitations too much too soon just breaks me down again.

It took my husband many years to understand, and I don't think he ever will be able to fully understand. But he's learned to trust me and know that I'm not being deliberately "lazy" or unmotivated - I really do WANT to not feel this way, but I can only be who I am on any given day and work with whatever stamina level I wake up with each morning. So he knows now not to push me to go any faster or further, or else we both pay the cost in even less stamina further down the road.

Sorry for the long-winded response. It's just that I can really identify with your husband, and hope that by sharing I might help just a little bit.