My friend´s husband left yesterday evening (swedish time). And i miss him...he has left a place of light, kindness, compassion,good cooking and laughter behind him. But that place doesn´t have HIM in it. His kind twinkling eyes and his soft voice (which is actually quite unusual in this day) have faded away. I have them in my heart and before my eyes..inside me. But that´s never the same thing. And don´t try to tell me that it is.!

My friend..his wife..is going to her catholic church where they are going to talk about her husband. Her sons are going with her..for once..as she expressed herself. But she wasn´t aggressive about it..just stating facts as she sees them, i guess.

She´s a wreck, of course. But i called her again just a few minutes ago to remind her to drink a little water and eat, perhaps just a biscuit, so that she can get thru the church thing. I can´t meet her there because i might get angry..but i am thinking of visiting with her later in the evening. It´s about 5:30pm here. I can´t bring myself to think about anything else anyway. She told me that her son brought her a really spicey pizza. And that she ate a tiny bit of one piece..and we could laugh together for a moment. God bless our kids..

I think that she has friends that are caring..which i was actually worried about as she and her husband kept very much to themselves these past years..because they were enough for eachother. But..as in most cases..it seems that people are coming out of the woodwork or something like that..and she is floating along on it all.. between the long bouts of hell..

Should I go to see her later? Or wait until tomorrow? My sambo´s son is coming this evening. He is only 11 yrs old and a bit of a special kind of kid. It might be better if I just take off so he doesn´t have to experience me in my state??? Stupid tiny questions in relation to everything that is happening..but anyway..

Grateful for any thoughts..??