You're right Dotsie, it is hard, but I really believe with my husband, its more habit than passion. I've never experienced a relationship like the one I have with him.

I had to go to the doctor yesterday and have my heart checked because I was having numbness and chest pain. The ekg was good and my blood pressure was good. He wants to do an echo cardiogram, but mostly my doctor just said it was stress related.

He put me on an anti anxiety/anti depression medication and it really has helped.

I don't want to lose the phone calls and the "closeness" but it seems that every time I call him or he calls me, all he wants to do is yell at me and criticize me and refer to my grandchildren as my Da...ned grandchildren and says nasty things about my daughter.

My mom isn't going to come and help me. Its been years since my mom and dad have come to visit me. I know dad is 81 and mom is 75, but they go to visit my other brothers and sister.

I'm just thinking about eliminating all the hurtful people in my life and start over with new ones. I've found more love and acceptance from my neighbors and co workers than I have from my own family for the past 10 years now.

What a realization that is. My mom has never approved of me. She has been critical of me my whole life.