Okay...I have to share this with all of you...have any of you heard of the 'feel good' shot? That's what my menopausal doctor calls it (she's about 29, cute, and tries to keep me feeling perky with this 'feel good' shot). Let's just say it's supposed to do wonders in the sex drive department. At my age everything's hanging, dried up, wrinkled, gray, and sagging and wagging. I had one of those shots about a year ago and they last about 6-8 weeks at which time I can go back in for another shot if I want. However, I never went back and here's why.
About two weeks after having the shot I was having a normal conversation with my husband when suddenly my voice dropped way way way way way low...I mean reeeeeeally low. Freaked me out. Larry looked at me and took a few steps back...I think he thought I'd just sprouted an adams apple. Then, the hair growth really freaked me out...I sprouted hair on top of hair and it turned really dark. I felt like a 13 year old boy whose voice is changing and whose hair appears over night.
Fast forward to this year...old lady female checkup time and in bounces my 30 year old perky menopausal doctor. (I hate her). She goes over my chart and asks me why I haven't come in for more 'feel good' shots? I calmly explain that my husband didn't like going to sleep with a sex goddess and waking up with Barry White. He wasn't too crazy about the extra dark facial hair that sprouted up out of nowhere either...talk about a pluck fest.
In her youthful, perky, never had a bad sex day in her life, said, "I'd pluck hairs everyday in order to have great sex." Uh-huh.
Then I laid back on the exam table and there starring down at me from the ceiling were two styrafoam bowls and something that I'm still not sure of that had been made to look like nipples with rings through them. I asked her what the heck were styrafoam boobs doing on her ceiling. Without skipping a beat from her exam, she said, "Oh, those are from our last Halloween party here." I didn't even want to ask her how they got up there.
Reluctantly, I agreed to get the shot...mainly to get her to shut up so I could sit up. The styrfoam boobs would starting to freak me out.
She left and sent in her as youthful, perky menopausal assistant who had a grin on her face and a needle in her hand. Are 'we' ready? I'm certain SHE wasn't in need of a voice changing, hair growing menopausal injection so I don't know why she thought to include herself in the equation. Just stick it anywhere, I told her. She then made me point my feet inward until my toes touched each other and then bend my knees and hang on to the counter. Why the heck do I need to stand like this, I asked her? So you won't jump when I give the shot. If I could have looked at her she would have seen a look of complete surprise. I mean, who the heck can jump in that position anyway? I steadied myself and gripped the counter until my knuckles turned white while she swabbed a hunk of fat on my hip.
"This will sting a bit."
"I thought this was a feel-good shot." It took her a second to get it and then she laughed. I hated her, too.
As she pulled the needle out she said in a rather surprised voice, "Wooooooooow. Usually there's leakage back out at the injection site. Your body just sucked that stuff right up." All I could think to say is, "I'm dry."
Okay...it's been 3 days now and so far no facial hair and no Barry White voice. But, in case you don't hear from me for a few weeks...it will be because I'm plucking.