I could write a book about struggling with low (non-existent) self-esteem all my life. Wait, I think I did write a book...well, I could write a dozen more books and still not be done. Sigh. I call it "mangled thinking", and have managed to find various 'ladders' along the way to help me climb out of the hell-hole that my own mangled thinking keeps throwing me into. Like choosing (daily, if not moment by moment) to believe that I'm loved more than I could ever imagine and choosing to believe in the whole concept of "wounded healers" - because believing in that concept allows me to give meaning to everything that has happened in my life and turns regret into wisdom and perceived failure into triumphant power.

I would have to say that "regret" is probably the largest contributing factor to my low self-esteem, namely the inability to just let the past stay in the past and allow myself to move on with the wisdom learned from those mistakes. It takes more energy than I sometimes can muster to untangle my mangled thinking enough to change my focus from "regret" to living in my here-and-now with any semblance of confidence.

Being at BWS has been an extraordinarily life-changing experience - this place and the wisdom within these cyber-halls have been my most sturdy, powerful and healing "ladder" out of that mangled thinking - for the first time in my life, I actually feel like I'm winning...and the prize? ME!

(wow, do you have any idea how hard it was to write - and leave written - that "ME"??? See? Isn't that amazing?)