Mitzkity, I admire you for being comfortable enough to come here and tell us how you feel in your situation. I really don't know what to tell you myself, but I am going to give it a shot.

Maybe you could discuss it with your daughter the way your Mom did with you. You said that you understood and agreed with your Mom back then. Perhaps your daughter will feel as you did. Is that a possibility?

Perhaps you could put aside x number hours or days a month to enjoy your grand-daughter and/or daughter(family)like you did on this visit. This won't be losing your life at all. This will be a set time to look forward to that special time together.

I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling the way you do. True feelings are just that. Admitting it to yourself is ok.

I am asking this question in sincerity. Do you think it would make a big difference in you life with step grand -dad? Is it possible that in the back of your mind, he will not be pleased.

How old is your grand -daughter and is this your only grand-child?

I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are safe in revealing your thoughts here. We are understanding of your situation.

Hugs