id back that sentiment up that jane made about changing him with your actions, the best you may get to do is to set an example for him to follow...

I am a little confused now,after reading the rest of the posts. Reading your first post you spoke of intimacie being what you want is this emotional knowing ie closeness or sex (the other way people talk about sex without using the word sex!)????

i am sure theirs a diffrence going about getting either or trying to generate more of either? lol and their might be some answeres to one or the other depending on how its understood lol.

QUESTION do you have a clear idea of what you want, can you picture it in a day to day manner and how that would work out dailie between yourselfs, how youd behave towards each other, what you say and do that type of thing (assuming its emotional)....

Maybee cultivating more girlefrends would help you get some emotional fullfilment without having the whole weight of your emotional happiness on hubbies shoulders, if thats what your doing?

i think in this life we make ourselfs happie with self-love and then we get to share that with out partners, so thei'r not reliade upon to make us happie all the time when we aint? I dont know you or know if this is the case and just throwing out ideas.

your last sentences said you tried talking to him but he dont get it and then you withdraw....i dont know how manie times you tried talking but some things are worth repeating and repeating etc, After all been excousted then i think ok stay and find some other safe outlet for emotonal validasion and except hubbie as how he is or change myself..lastlie change the situasion ie end the marrige if it was necasariy and everiething else been excostade.

Is he happie and emotionalie fullfilled in the relashionship you have now, together?

have you wasted your life in a marrige, thats been happie enough so far, even if worse came to worse and their was an end to it soon. Or have you had 20 so yrs of a good marrige but unfortinuitlie it aint so happie now at this minuete. The attitude thing can be so important about how one views the past as it has a big impact on whats happening today..