I HAVE written one of those letters and not mailed/given it to my mom. It did NOT do the trick (for me).

Mustang, I don't drink, but "crying in our beer" sounds good right now. Not only did I understand your hurt and query, I welled up with "what's wrong with people." Following that with, "what the frig is wrong with me?"

I recently fulfilled a request from my mom and because the cat pushed the door open after I left, my dad got a call at rehab, my oldest brother got a call at work, my younger brother got a call on his cell, my next youngest sister got a call at home... no telling what friends and other siblings my mom called... the ones listed are the ones I got calls from, asking why I left the door open. This was after I ran the time sensitive errand, plus giving her my newly bought book of stamps. I was so hurt, it was "no more for that hag." But, she has called since, and I still feel the need to be there for her.

I want to share with you another something I tried. We went over to eat with them last Friday evening on my dad's invitation (he gets lonely for sane company). She was doing her "control" thing, and Daddy apologized for it. I told him we needed to ignore her actions, so as not to perpetuate them (at least for the evening). So, all evening I was as close to being cold to her as possible without being rude or hurtful. By the time we had returned home, she had called and left a message on our answering machine, asking an off the wall question about Beverly LaHaye. The message was pleasant, so I knew she knew I was not going to put up with her antics. Poor Daddy, tho, he caught the brunt of it that evening and the next day! My husband went over Sat. to deliver a diskette and she was still at him. That, I can hardly live with, so I probably won't try that method of handling her again.

Mustang, we could trade moms for a year or two. Once you dealt with mine, you'd probably want yours back! BUT, really, in all sincerety, I am feeling for you. I wish I could fix it, for now and always. (((HUGS)))

When someone comes up with THE solution, please POST it in all CAPS!