Eagle, I hate to sound like a mother, but are you getting any exercise these days? Irecall being in a slump while caring for Mom and my husband reminded me that I was getting no exericse. I was used to walking at least a half hour each day and stopped. I began walking it helped. Also, hanging helps take the stress out of your shoulders, which I had to do more often when Mom was sick. Sending you warm thoughts and love.

Eagle,
Dotsie is absolutely right. You really need to spend some time caring for yourself, be it walking, exercising reading, or whatever. I know it sounds impossible, and I should have listened to myself while caring for my dad but I know from experience how draining all of this is on you. God, will provide the strength you need to care for Gary. You need to supply your own sense of energy to care for yourself.

Dotsie, I don't mind in the least you sounding like a mother - I miss that sound in my life!

I'm not getting out specifically to exercise, but in the course of running errands and doing his and our housework, etc, etc, I've managed to tone up muscles and lose a bit of weight...I try to incorporate stretching & breathing exercises (e.g., Tai Chi) into the day. But I do need to get out and walk more, especially when the sun is shining warm and bright (not today - it's raining today). So I will try to get out walking more.

Thanks TVC for reminding me - I'm profoundly trusting that if this is what I'm supposed to be doing (and there's no doubt that it is), God will provide the strength as needed. I just need to remember to nurture it through exercise, prayer and finding ways to lose myself in fun, non-cancer-related activities, like maybe coming here and participating in other threads?

Eagle, I think about you all the time also. Gary is blessed to have such a caring sister. I assume you'll be taking your computer along when you move in with your brother or does he have one?

chick

Eagle, where are you?

I'm here, Dotsie. It's hard to explain where "here" is. Still recovering from the huge energy drain of Christmas week, and trying to recharge the batteries to meet the needs for the upcoming chemo marathon. Juggling grocery shopping, meal preparations, laundry and housework for two households, as well as hubby's emotional needs and trying not to feel overwhelmed by the feelings of helplessness.

Then there's the whole spiritual struggle - praying that God's will be done, but praying even harder that His will is to let my brother live. Yes, I'm begging. Remember the story of the woman who kept pestering the judge until he finally (in exasperation) gave her what she wanted? Well, that's me. I believe that God can/will heal my brother if He wants to...so I feel honour-bound to keep knocking on His door with all of the reasons why He should want to...I'm probably exasperating to Him, but what can He expect??? I'm not ready to give up and let go without a fight. And if God knows me and loves me as much as I believe He does, He would expect nothing less.

I think the denial and refusal to give up is probably part of the grieving process. I believe my brother will survive this, but I still grieve the hardship and struggle he's going through to get to that other side. It's hard to sit by and watch his body be tortured by these toxic medicines and not be able to bring him comfort and pain relief.

But other than all of that, I'm okay.

Keep fighting the good fight Eagle.
We're all here for you and praying with you.

Eagle, I thought of you the other day while visiting someone in the hospital. I could connect with you and all the hospital sitting you've been doing. I'm hoping you go prepares with cards and books, magazines, etc.

I love hearing you talk about your relationship with God. Have you read any of Joseph Girzone's books? You would eat them up. I just have a feeling... I read Never ALone years ago and am finding tremendous comfort in reading it again this week. You might want to check it out at Amazon.

Dotsie, my hospital-time is when I do a lot of praying - not just that my brother's tests/appointments will go well (and for the doctors to have the wisdom to know how to fix him), but also and especially for my Boomer sisters. I can spend hours sitting in various hospital waiting rooms on any given week, and find it difficult to read. When I'm sitting with my brother, we just sit quietly people-watching and sometimes making small talk. But sometimes I do enjoy the chance to just rest my eyes & spirit and lift everyone I know to the Lord's care.

It looks like the bulk of this week will be spent sitting around in the hospital. Blood tests today, a major Bone Marrow Transplant consultation meeting on Thursday, an all-day chemo marathon on Friday and a "split-shift" chemo blast on Saturday (starting at 7:30am and ending late in the evening!) Then more doctors appointments early next week. So no rest for the weary here!

I've never read Joseph Girzone before - you've mentioned his writings before, but I've never gotten around to ordering one. I'll look into it tonight and maybe order "Never Alone" - as these chemo marathons continue, I'll need a good book to keep me company while my brother naps!

Just wanted you to know that I think of, and pray for, you and your brother more often than you could know. I pray for strength and all positive things!