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#9886 - 01/05/06 01:31 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
I'm not sure, but someone can be addicted to alcohol and not like beer. Or addicted to heroin but not like coke.
Nevertheless, if this is what your husband is like, then you did not have a valid marriage in the first place. He is incapable of a covenant union. Stick to your guns, while praying for his soul.

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#9887 - 01/05/06 03:40 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
Starting over, this guy is telling you what he thinks you want to hear. I know it's hard to understand, but I've dated and married guys just like that and I don't even try to understand anymore.

Daisygirl

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#9888 - 01/05/06 06:28 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
My goodness YES, YES YES many sex addicts don't want to have sex with their wife especially if they prefer young boys like your husband seems to. I have spoken to many of these perverts and they married because they were expected to and because they fooled themselves into thinking sex with the wife would calm their true desires and for awhile that works but unfortunately for the poor unsuspecting woman they married, it never lasts. They might truly try to be 'normal' but eventully give in. This man is SICK and you need to distasnce yourself from him as soon as possible. Make him come to court and even if he doesn't show up, YOU be there and you'll win by default whatever you want. keep after that lawyer of yours with your demands so he can't say "well you never told me." Don't take anything for granted and be firm...good luck!

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#9889 - 01/05/06 06:56 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Startingover
I guess I have less faith in the court system than others. I don't want to worry you, but some of the things that you have described might not get to the judge. If your husband has not yet been convicted of a crime, that issue may not be admissible in the divorce. And if he has, it still may be inadmissible according to what state your divorce is in.

His perversions are obvious reasons in the mind of any normal person to award every penny the man ever had or ever will have to you. But, just as the court's stalling your divorce for a year from a man who is such an obvious jerk makes no sense, neither does many of the court's decisions.
I hope you are making sure your attorney has all the evidence he needs to win the case, that he has organized all the paperwork with all the i's dotted and the t's crossed and will go forward on the designated day. Try to insist that he gets your whole case heard and decided the that day if possible. And make sure he knows you are not interested in mediation. Seems like judges often wimp out to that instead of making decisions.
I hope you have a good trustworthy attorney (if there is such a thing.) They often stall and complicate things in order to inflate their fees. The longer the case goes on, the more money they make. And they can get you in such a mess, it's impossible to get out without paying them more.
I need prayer for being prejudiced, but being married to an attorney and hearing them talk made me so distrustful of that whole profession. I will pray for you to be filled with peace between now and then and for justice on the day you go court.

smile

[ January 04, 2006, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#9890 - 01/12/06 07:38 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
foundhervoice-atlast Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
Startingover,

Sorry i have been out of the loop and not in touch for a few weeks...my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer over Thanksgiving, and has had two strokes and a heart attack since Christmas.I've been back east with my kids trying to spend time with him and help out in general, and we are going back this weekend for more of the same. If i were any more tired i would need help breathing.

I too will be praying for you on the 6th. I agree with Dr. Karen that the level of manipulation and intimidation applied by some men is unbelievable but that it is often tantamount to posturing like a peacock, sometimes without any substance to back it up. Many of these men have no sense of decency (duh - we already knew that, or we wouldn't be in the position we are in...right?) but I have recently come to the conclusion that even more of them are so insecure with themselves that they are genuinely incapable of putting anyone's needs or situation above their own. Men like this need to win always. No matter what the consequence or level of destruction they impose on somebody else. A good friend of mine told me that ever since her divorce experience she believes that for some men parting with money for support of any kind is on a par with asking them to cut off their penis. It's all about power and their sense of masculinity, which based on what I've been reading about your husband, sounds like it's been a topic of confusion for him for some time. Be that as it may, I do agree with smilinize about getting your documents organized and being well prepared. It can't hurt, and it can only solidify your position in court.

On a personal added note about some men not being able to put anyone's needs ahead of their own: my husband is now fighting me on taking our children to see their dying grandfather (to whom they are very close) and has even expressed his insistence that they should not attend his funeral when the time comes. "Too expensive", he said. "Besides, they've already seen him one more time, and that should be enough closure for them." How do you argue with someone like that? The kids were justifiably horrified and finally angry enough with him to want to blast him for his insensitivity. Believe it or not, I was able somehow to step in and be the voice of reason (clarity in fatigue?). I told the children to calm down and try not to be offended by their dad's remarks because he is not saying this to them because he is mean or evil: it's just that he is no more able to empathize or feel any emotion than he is able to change the color of his eyes, and that is just plain sad. He just doesn't get it, and after this incident i finally realize that he never will. Neither, from the sound of things, will yours. He is too obsessed with lashing out at you for what sounds like what is a great deal of embarassment and confusion of his own, and you are simply a convenient person to take it out on. He is not a well person, and i almost feel sorry for him because he is about to lose someone he cannot even begin to appreciate.You need to do whatever is necessary to survive this divorce and move on, without being nasty and vindictive, which i believe would weaken your ability to think straight when you need to. You hang in there, girl, and know that you have the love and support of so many of us who will be thinking about you and sending the most positive of thoughts your way.

foundhervoice-atlast

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#9891 - 01/12/06 06:42 PM Re: so mad-I need prayer
Songbird Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
Starting over: just want to let you know that I continue to pray for you and your situation. Be yourself. God will lead the way.

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#9892 - 01/13/06 12:28 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Foundhervoice - I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Please email me if you want. Mom also had lung cancer.

Startingover, are you feeling organized? It is so important that you have all your ducks in a row before the trial. You need to appear as a professional mom.

I once attended a divorce case for a friend. She was totally unprepared. She arrived with a box of papers that were so unorganized I couldn't believe my eyes. She had envelopes she had written messages on, old bills, calendars, all just thrown in a box. It was pitiful.

I know you won't do that, but I have to agree with smile that you must make an excellent impression.

I am praying that God gives you His peace and calm, a settled mind, and honest words to prove your case. You're gonna do well. I can feel it.

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#9893 - 01/13/06 01:45 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
Organization is my middle name! My papers are organized in folders and in a briefcase which I carry in the truck of my car--so I don't get frazzled and run out the door without it!

My attorney keeps commenting on how organized I am. I HAVE to be, my mind does not function under pressure.

Thank you, please pray that I don't get upset in court. I cry easily or can get angry--either way my voice goes up 3 octaves and men don't listen to my voice when it goes up like that.... [Roll Eyes]

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#9894 - 01/13/06 02:34 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Foundhervoice, you must be so frazzled with all you and your dad are going through. I would like to include the two of you in my prayers. I only hope the children are allowed to do whatever is needed when the time comes. Only you know what that is depending on their ages....

[ January 12, 2006, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#9895 - 01/13/06 03:25 AM Re: so mad-I need prayer
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
Starting Over - I hear two words in all your postings that makes me feel that you're going to come out of this just fine

YOUR ATTORNEY

If your "husband" can rattle your cage and keep you away from legal representation he has a chance in court -- even if you can't bring the charges pending into your divorce case -- YOUR ATTORNEY vs him -- well -- I think you get the picture.

Don't worry about speaking in court -- that's what YOUR ATTORNEY is for. Keep your answers short and sweet -- YES and NO -- I'm sure YOUR ATTORNEY will go through it all with you before the court date. How about taking something small with you to squeeze real tight when you feel yourself getting upset -- something you can fit in your pocket -- no one else needs to know you have it and it can give you an edge

And in the meantime -- continue to "ignore his demands" -- that's not being mean -- that's protecting yourself.

Hey -- with YOUR ATTORNEY and all us boomer women on your side -- how can you POSSIBLY LOSE ?????

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