I've been there with the fair and not mean part... you are not being mean.
He's trying to guilt you.
You really do know what he is up to, the same old tricks. Keep right on the course you've been on, change nothing.
God will stand right by your side, and not leave you. Everything will come out...just as it should.

I'll be praying for you. He's with you.

[ December 28, 2005, 09:18 PM: Message edited by: yepthatsme2 ]

Starting over, he thinks your going to cave and will get his way if you don't have representation. Don't let him take your financial future away from you. Eventually he'll realize you have a backbone and won't take his crap any longer.

Just think, 2006 will be THE YEAR you will be free! Then you can truly start a new life for yourself!

Daisygirl

Starting Over...please listen to the advice of all of these wise women who have posted above me..and know too that I am praying for you as well...your reputation won't be ruined as you have done nothing wrong...if accusations are thrown your way remain calm and steadfast in your dismissal of them (you notice I didn't say denial) be dismissive and have your lawyer object as well for the record...perhaps we can all meet here on the evening of Feb 6th to celebrate your new life and to toast you...never hesitate to vent...that's why we are here

Starting over, one thing I learned through my divorce is that these cheaters know deep inside that they are not doing the right thing. The one thing they would love to do is get something on you. Just continue to be your good self and he won't ever get that satisfaction.

Remember, 2006 is YOUR YEAR! It will be more peaceful and you will be able to relax and enjoy your life and children after this is all over.

Daisygirl

Daisygirl, great point. Let's all pray for an awesome year for starting over.

Thanks all. I am under so much stress I can hardly breathe. Every day I think it can't get any worse and yet it does!

I know God doesn't give us any more than we can handle, but I really am beginning to think he has me confused with someone else!

Well it looks like you've got your sense of humor intact, so that's a good sign!
I know that feeling of feeling like you literally can't catch your breath because of stress. That's when you have to stop, close your eyes and then breathe slowly in through your nose, out through your mouth. It works. If you're a Christian, just say "Jesus" slowly and quietly, actually breathing His name. He will give you peace.

Prayer always works for me...have used the following breathing exercise.

Sit down or lie down.
Inhale slowly and say to yourself I am...
Exhale slowly and say to yourself relaxed.

Slowly breathe in from the nose...inhale all the way to the lower stomach...release slowly through the mouth.

I'm praying for you.

Ditto...all of the above. Like many women divorcing abusive and very sick men, their capacity for manipulation (roses...threats...roses...threats) has to be seen to be believed. I had one too (the roses which he charged on MY credit card kept coming every month for a year after he was long gone...and usually were half dead by the time I came home from work and retrieved them from the front stoop!).

But you are on the right track and need to stay a steady course. He is ONLY thinking of himself...before, during and after the divorce. If he had any capacity at all to think about the welfare of another human being, he would not have those charges filed against him.

Use this forum, read Teresa's Hamilton's book (www.thepowerofaddictedlove.com), get counseling or go to Twelve Step meetings. But don't let down your guard or think for one second that a loving God is not holding you in His arms. We're all there for you.

Thanks all. Latest update. He called last Friday to tell me he had made an appointment for us to meet with a mediator on Tues. at 2:00. He didn't ask if I could get off, didn't check to see if it was convenient, just told me to come to his town (3 hour drive) and he would pay for gas. Didn't even give me directions!

I ignored the call, didn't respond, didn't show up. Today I have a text message that says, "willing to negotiate divorce anyway I am comfortable."

He is still trying to stay out of court and playing on my 'fairness' to meet him somewhere to discuss terms--which will only mean me not getting what is fair. Why do men think we are so stupid?

Dr. Karen, can you answer this, or can you direct me to someone who will know--he keeps saying he isn't gay or a pedophile, that he's a sex addict.

I keep saying: 1. You've been with men--that's gay. 2. You are going to jail because they found the biggest collection of child porn ever--that makes you a pedophile. 3. You never wanted to be with me so you might be a sex addict, but it's not for women.

Am I wrong? I feel like the whole 'sex addict' term is just a cover up word for reality--that being a gay pedophile.

Am I wrong? Am I being overly harsh? Can someone be a sex addict without wanting sex with his wife....?

Just trying to fill in the final blanks in my thinking/emotions, thought you might have some insight.