Hi all, I need to vent, need everyone's prayers. Divorce date is FEb 6. Husband is going all out to 'court' me back (all of a sudden) In the last 2 weeks I have gotten flowers delivered, Christmas presents via UPS, text messages at least once a day, e-mails, phone messages. All honey this and Sweetie that. Yesterday I got a 5 page letter stating that God had directed him to continue this onslaught until the divorce/reconsiliation. He listed that he would do this through continued e-mail, text messages ect. He would shower me with gifts etc.--until I let my guard down enough for hugs, kisses, etc.

After many months of not communicating w/him I e-mailed him yesterday. I told him to stop. Stop calling, stop everything. Stop sending gifts and send $$ to pay our bills. So today I got an e-mail tirade of how everything is my fault, I am in sin and God will not bless me if I pursue this divorce and he has accused me of an affair I never had--said he 'heard about it and forgives me'.

At the end he says I have 3 choices. 1. Cease and reconcile marriage. 2. Cease and settle divorce out of court (this means he gets 1/2 and no responsibility to bills) 3. If I want an all out war in court I'll get it.

I've never had an affair so I guess that is in there as a threat that he will accuse me of that in court. I can't believe it. What am I supposed to do?

This is the man who was downloading child porn off the internet and later confessed to gay encounters.

Please pray for me. I am getting very worried that he will come out of this smelling very sweet and I will be completely ruined reputation and financially. I am very frazzled today.

You are supposed to pray for the truth to be told and for God to be there with you. You should stay at peace and not stoop to his level. Is there any record of his porn and gay encounters in the divorce proceedings?
If your husband really thought God was on his side, he would not be using all these human tactics to frantically try to stop the divorce.
I will pray for the Holy Spirit to direct your words and actions and for you to be totally at peace with everything.
P.S. He's not violent, is he? If so, make sure you have people around you especially as the date gets closer.

Here's a ((HUG)) for you.

Starting Over,
I will pray for you today and on Feb. 6 also. You have the right to be angry. If you don't fight it or feel guilty for it, anger can energize you for the battles you face. Anger is not a sin. The Bible says "Be angry and sin not." And even Jesus was angry at the desecration of the Temple. God is with you. Give Him your anger and he will give you peace.

You are in the hands of God and no matter how viciously you are attacked, God will be with you. Your morality is not determined by a man or by a court, but by God who knows your heart.

Surround yourself with our prayers and feel the peace that only God can bring.

smile

Yes, I actually filed on the grounds of his being investigated for child porn, so it will be part of divorce proceedings. He is currently waiting for sentenceing in federal court on those charges.

I know I'm doing the right thing. The bible even says flee from anyone involved in such things and in another place it says don't even eat with someone who is involved in such things. I have counseled with 4 pastors, all said to divorce so I am OK--I just can't stand the manipulation and underlying threats--it rattles me horribly.

Starting Over:

Two (2) things:

1. (((((( H U G ))))))

2. Prepare some type of timeline indicating the date & time of each email, phone message, gift and threat and provide this to the police. Especially the message regarding the 3 choices he provided the later of the 3 which is considered a threat. You can also call you local domestic violence center. Bottom line: you are not playing games, you mean business. Get A Restraining ORDER! First, ask you attorney, and if your attorney has a paralegal, ask her first if this would be a paramount move, b/c speaking w/ a paralegal cost less than the attorney!

He sounds to me like a very scared man that is trying everything to NOT have to go to court. Stand tough, hold your ground, you will win this and the accusations of an affair without concrete proof, pictures with the other man and I mean in bed not just out to dinner. You didn't do any of that anyhow so its a dead issue...These rotten bastards are liike bad little boys first they try and bribe us with gifts and by making nice then when we say NO they get all nasty. If any of his latest lies were true he would not get nasty no matter waht. You have more than 3 choices but he seems to know he has NONE and is petrified....Steer clear of this creep and stay safe....

Dear Startingover: God is with you and He will see you through this ordeal. I'll be praying for you. Remember God is by your side. He will fight your battles.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free-John 8:32.

Thanks all, he just left me another voice mail. This time he is saying let's just use a mediator and get this over with since that is what I want. He has volunteered to pay for it. Says attorneys aren't good at negotiating, etc.

I checked into a mediator over a year ago and he said they wanted a ridiculous amount of money and he wouldn't help pay it. Funny how now it's suddenly let's do this....

I'll bet when he ordered the bank records for the deposition he found he had no leg to stand on, that's why he canceled the dep, got all nicey, nice and wants to by-pass attorneys again.

I keep telling him I won't sign anything without representation but he just doesn't get the message.

This is so hard. You want to be fair and not mean, but unless I act mean he doesn't take me seriously and tries to push his wishes on me. Even though I knew the nice act wasn't for real, there was still a piece of me that had hopes--not to get back with him, but just that he might try to be genuine and nice to me--it really hurts--all over again to know he would be willing to trick me back into a relationship just to avoid being responsible in divorce.

Then to know if he succeeded, I would be trapped again or worse--it is unbelieveable that anyone can be so cold and calculating. It is scary to think about--even scarier to realize that he pulled this twice before and did succeed--thank God I can now see the pattern.

You can be firm without being mean. It helps when you talk to him to actually speak quieter than normal. Then he'll know you are serious but not vindictive.