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#9832 - 12/15/05 07:18 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I almost bit my tongue off trying to keep quiet but when the timing was right, I told him all of these things I discovered about him. He grew very quiet and suddenly wanted to be friends.

#9833 - 12/16/05 08:51 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
yepthatsme2 Offline

Registered: 08/08/05
Posts: 816
Loc: Fredericksburg, Va.
You are a wise women to keep quiet until all is said and done.

I have never been able to stay quiet when people are lying to my face and I know it.
It's either my mouth or my facial expressions that give me away every time.

Things, I need to work on.

#9834 - 12/15/05 11:04 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?

Yepthatsme2, I understand, I too have difficulty staying quite when someone is lying to my face, and unfortunately when I become to over emotional I then look like I'm in the wrong when I'm right!

#9835 - 12/16/05 03:25 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
starting over Offline

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
Hi all, it's me with an update of my own. My soon-to-be-ex is on teh 'offensive'. Sending me notes on e-mail, text messaging me and today sent me a 4 page letter about how he doesn't want divorce and prays for us daily, etc. Blah, blah, blah. Since this is the 3rd breakup with him I can now see the pattern. He says whatever he thinks I need to hear and then once I fall for it and come back--it ends and he goes right back to being a bugger.

Unfortunately, even though I can now see the pattern and resist it, it is still emotionally draining and very upsetting. We have been seperated for over a year and he is just now sending/saying these things. why? Because he is about out of time. He has delayed us in court 4 times and he won't be granted anymore extensions. At least now I can see that is doesn't really have anything to do with not wanting a divorce--if that were the case then He would have been saying those things all along. WAiting till the end only proves that it's just to get me to stop.

I know it, but it still hurts. Anyway, thanks for listening! Merry Christmas all!

#9836 - 12/16/05 03:34 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Bluebird Offline

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Sounds like you know him pretty well and are able to stand your ground. It's very upsetting and it may get worse before it gets better, but we'll all be praying for you. You can get through this!
Peace, starting over.

#9837 - 12/16/05 04:21 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I'm so glad you recognized the pattern. That's a good, a great sign.

You should be very proud of yourself. Merry Christmas to you too and a truly great New Year!

#9838 - 12/17/05 06:49 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Thank God, starting-over that you finally see through this childish, self serving deception of his. Why not put him on your "no messages" email. That way you won't be bothered with his stupid messages, the slug....

#9839 - 12/19/05 08:59 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
foundhervoice-atlast Offline

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
I agree with what all you smart gals said to Starting-Over. Even when you are able to recognize the destructive patterns in a relationship it does not suddenly become an easy thing to deal with. If only it were! But you sound like you have your head screwed on straight now and I am proud of you.

I got a little zinger of my own today...went to pick up my son from a sleepover at the house of a "friend" who I had not heard from for almost 6 months...we had time for a little chat, and I found out that she and her husband had been separated until a couple of weeks ago. She also told me that she had gone out with my husband. She said it was to ask his advice about her own marital situation. Yeah, right. Apparently the ex is not the only person who thinks I am stupid...she knew exactly why we were getting divorced, so asking him for advice is kind of like talking to a flaming sadist about his opinion on being kind to small children and animals.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, and somehow I was able to finish the visit and leave with my pride outwardly intact, but within about 10 minutes on the road it got the better of me and I broke down and cried in front of my children.

I raise my initial question once again: What ever happened to personal integrity?

#9840 - 12/19/05 05:51 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
That is simply horrible. Just horrible! And I cannot believe she was so self-serving as to tell you. My guess is she did so to relieve her own self of guilt, OR, the thought he might tell you and she wanted to first. She told you to rid herself of guilt, and to have you say, "oh well, you were only trying to get good advice."

I say, this woman does not deserve your friendship, or consideration. She wanted to dump her own guilt and did so at your expense. Friends don't do that. Course, friends don't date your husbands either. She's a toad.

You are NOT a reflection of her OR him.

You are a real person. With strength, INTEGRITY, and warmth. Carry on honey... don't let her or anyone else stop you. Roar!


#9841 - 12/19/05 05:59 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
foundhervoice, how mean can one be? Do you think she had your son over just so she could deliver that bullet?

I'm proud of you for keeping it together in front of her. What are you doing with your anger?

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