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#9842 - 12/20/05 08:38 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
foundhervoice, just look at this revelation as an attack, meant to get you off balance. Keep your head up and stand your ground, you'll get through this too.

Chatty--how do I put his e-mails in No message? Does that mean if he sends I don't receive them at all? I would LOVE to do that--it would mean I wouldn't have to change my e-mail address.

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#9843 - 12/20/05 05:43 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
there are various screening programs, depending on your email server. Sometimes it's under mail preferences/options. I have yahoo, and I can specify senders, key words et al that go directly into Trash.

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#9844 - 12/20/05 12:02 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
foundhervoice-atlast Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
Dotsie,

I don't think she invited my son over in order to deliver this zinger because she paled visibly when she answered the door and saw me standing there. Guess she assumed the ex would be picking up my son, and not me. Bummer for her.

When my older son came home Saturday after a school event and heard that his brother was sleeping over at this kid's house he freaked out and told me that he didn't want to hurt my feelings but he thought I should know that something might be going on between his father and the boy's mother...apparently his dad had admitted being on his way out to lunch with her a few times when my son put him on the spot and asked him where he was going all gussied up on the weekend. I thought the boy was being overly suspicious and pooh-poohed it at the time because the ex had always told me he thought the woman was weird so I couldn't imagine that he'd be attracted to her. Besides, even if he was interested, I never dreamed that she would stoop so low as to betray me. We were supposed to be friends, and where I come from, friends don't go out with friend's husbands. Silly me.

My boys also told me yesterday that they found out that they were all going to meet up at a local ski resort this week (the kids are on Christmas break and their dad is taking them snowboarding) and were supposed to hook up for dinner tonight in fact. My boys didn't know if her husband was planning on being there too, but they were really upset about the whole thing. Guess I'll find out more when they return. I can't believe that their father would put them through this. How callous can one man be? Maybe I should refer to him as the "sperm donor" from now on, cause I can't believe that a real father could behave so selfishly toward his own children and totally ignore their feelings.

In the meantime, yours truly is living on $8 an hour from my part time seasonal retail job at the mall and meager handouts from the soon-to-be-ex, as we still do not have even temporary support orders, and I cannot afford to go out to McDonald's for Christmas let alone take my children skiing for the week. Things have got to get better...Please pray for me! Thanks... [Frown]

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#9845 - 12/20/05 04:38 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Foundhervoice,

You have my prayers. And think about this. You may be struggling, but you are the winner and Mr. Sperm Donor is the loser because he is losing, or has lost, the respect of his children. He can't change what they see. Sad.

JJ

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#9846 - 12/20/05 05:43 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
foundhervoice, my heart aches for you. What is he thinking? And she's still married?

jawjaw makes a good point. When all of htis settles down your children will know who did the right thing. Be proud that your integrity is still in the right place. There is a lot to be said for that!

And I will pray for you. Anything else we can do?

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#9847 - 12/20/05 06:37 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
Foundhervoice, ditto on the above. Your soon to be ex will have to live the rest of his life, knowing what he did. Right now life may seem exciting to him, having a little fling here and there, but at some point he will have to face up to reality. If he doesn't, one day he will stand before God and have some splainin to do.

I pray for you and your boys to have the strength to get through this tough time.

Daisygirl

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#9848 - 12/21/05 08:05 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
foundhervoice, I don't want to put any pressure on you but since you can see where this is heading, I strongly suggest you find a job that pays better ASAP. The hands-out from husband may disappear as he get s deeper involved with your friend. It might take months to get into court and by then you could be in serious financial trouble.

Take from me I am living the nightmare right now. He left over a year ago and I haven't received even one dime to help with all our bills. I know where he is working adn can pretty much guess how much he makes, but He has managed to delay court 4 times and now I am delayed until Feb.

Meantime, the mortgage company is plannign to foreclose on the house, and I am in debt up to my eyeballs trying to stay afloat....

Since you've got a glimpse of the 'real man' heed the signs and keep moving forward. Just my 'two cents' of advice..take it for what it's worth! Merry Christmas and may God Bless you with a double portion in 2006!

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#9849 - 12/21/05 05:59 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
foundhervoice-atlast Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and advice.

As soon as my seasonal job at the mall is over in January I'll be hunkering down to find more lucrative work. Problem is legal counsel is advising me not to go for it now, because that will reduce the amount of support I can ask for me and the kids. And we all know that whatever I ask for, I'll be lucky to get even half. It seems like the situation is damned if you do, and damned if you don't. I took this job against the lawyer's say-so because I was so freaked out about finances and was afraid there would not be food on the table for the kids to eat. In any case it's a moot point now, since my husband has not been able to find work. Yeah. Right. what a crock.

Starting over - I wish there was something I could do to help you. It breaks my heart to hear what you are going through, and scares me more than a little. The "sperm donor" who was my husband hired a high-priced attorney who is milking him dry and using delay tactics that sound just like what you have experienced. I guess he is trying to wear me down and force me to settle for nothing. Which is what he's proposing to give me anyway, except that there will be legal fees to pay whether I win or lose.

My best thoughts and prayers are with you...We've gotta stay strong and stick together...


foundhervoice_atlast

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#9850 - 12/22/05 08:23 AM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
starting over Offline
Member

Registered: 06/30/05
Posts: 383
Loc: Illinois
Thanks foundhervoice. You're right we do have to stick together. Unless you are living or have lived through the nightmare of divorce you have no clue just how much emotional trauma each day brings. I understand what your lawyer is saying about work, but perhaps you could do some freelance work or work where you are paid as an independent contractor (in other words no taxes are taken out--you have to pay in April)

Also I would move your banking to a new bank. Just found out my husband has supeonea'd my bank records.....If I had known that I would have moved to a new bank.

Also last minute update. Now he is on a campaign to 'win me back'. Since last Friday I have been bombarded with text messages, phone calls, e-mail. Yesterday a huge poinsetts was delivered, last night when I got home from work there was a box from UPS, inside was several presents for me and my son. 6 mos. ago it was just sign this paper and we can end this divorce right away (I would have been crazy to sign--he got 1/2 and I got all debts!) He said it was taking too long and he watned to get on with his life. Now it's oh, honey, I love you I miss you....Yeah right.

He's either worried that he might not come out of divorce in good shape OR he is trying to get me off balance while he manuevers behind my back (like getting bank records) OR he's hoping I'll feel guilty and be 'nice' in court.

Why are men such slimeballs? I'll say it again, better to be single and happy and not be at risk than live in such craziness.

Anyway, Merry Christmas all. Foundhervoice, no matter how bad it gets, just remember, this too you will survive. It will get worse before it gets better, but oh, the joy that comes in the morning! And once survived, you will emerge stronger, more confidant, with more self-esteem and the ability to minister to others in a similar situation. You will be blessed!

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#9851 - 12/21/05 09:22 PM Re: Whatever happened to integrity?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Very wise words StartingOver. Indeed. Everyone said, "he will do this...or he will do that." I thought, what do they know? They don't know him. I lived with him all these years and know his good points, they just don't see them. They are full of crap...well guess what? He suckered me in with his pity trip and I was left holding the bag, with egg on my face...while he got it all, or most of it, AND married our next door neighbor as soon as the waiting period was over. HE WILL DO IT. Don't think just because he has a good side (if he does) that he won't. PEOPLE CHANGE COMPLETELY WHEN IT COMES TO MONEY. Read that over and over and over. Commit it to memory. Just because YOU have compassion, doesn't mean HE does. Repeat that line until it becomes your mantra! Remember the old "Warning Will Rogers! Warning!" from that space show in the 50's? Well, consider this yours honey...cause he CAN and he WILL!

JJ

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