Knowing what you know now, would you still marry the SAME MAN? Why or why not?


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

NO NO and NO. He nags me to death and he's clueless about life. He's an emotional infant and has done everything to sabotage our relationship. I could go on for another 12 hours, but you get the idea.

Thanks for sharing. I have a question: Why do you remain married?

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

Definitely. We are best friends : )

Yes. I'm not saying we don't have our issues, but I think it's hard to find someone 'issue free'.

Sometimes I think I don't need this sh..., and sometimes I just love him to death. At least our relationship is never boring. And when I think back on the boyfriends I had, none of them could hold a candle to him.

Yes, I'd marry the same man. I really lucked out the first time at bat.

No, H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS NO. Then I'd just have to divorce him twice.

I've been married now for nearly 9 years. My hubby is my best friend. Everything we've been through and he stuck by me through it all, yes, I'd marry him again.

I say this without anger or resentment, but no, I would not marry the same man. I met him when I was 17 and much too young to make a decision about my life. I also had no relationship with God back then, so I never asked Him who (if any) I should marry. I would have prayed for a man who put God first in all things, who shared my love of the Church and of books, etc. I would want to be best friends first and I would have saved myself for my wedding night, knowing that a man who would wait, would be a man I could trust.

NO ABSOLUTELY NOT--I think when we're young we are looking for different things in a person than when we're older. I thought with my "heart" and not with my "head".

Now with my second husband, I would definitely marry him over and over again. We just got married in June of this year after dating for over four years and I'm happier now than I've ever been. I stopped praying for a husband and asked God to send me to the man he felt deserved me. It's like being in Vegas! I hit the jackpot!!!

Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

Aaaaw, Beverly. if you could be a guest on Oprah's show, I bet you'd be jumping up and down that couch!
Young love...sigh.

Well here's one for you. I married in 80, was divorced in 86. Was convinced by him in words and actions that he had truly changed and remarried him only to find that he hadn't truly dealt with his anger/control issues. I was trapped with and infant and no way out financially. Seperated years later when I could take it no more only to be told a year later by my Pastor that 'true heart change had taken place and to give him a chance.' You guessed it, I returned home. He deceived everyone, not just me. I am now divorced again. Turned out he was gifted in controlling the areas that were causing problems while continuing to live a double life.

I would never marry him again. I don't even speak to him. Sad to say but not one word or action of his can be trusted to be the truth. He should have been a politician, he knows how to spin everything.

I've been saying that I will never remarry but the thought crossed my mind last week that I have never been in a true marriage the way God intended and if God sends me the right man I should be open to happiness.

It truly frightens the socks off me to even crack that door open but if God brought me a good, godly man who am I to turn away God's good gifts? But that is a pretty big order and I just don't think there are any of those men left.

Sure there are, Patti, and if God has one for you, there's no stopping Him!!

Patti,

I hear you loud and clear and I do believe God can bring you a REAL TRUE LOVE. I'm a witness!

You said you were "frightened" to crack the door of marriage open again. It's that FEAR that will bring negativity around you. When you let your light shine as God intended---you will attract those who are drawn to it--and if it's God's light--you'll have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Peace & Blessings,
beverly mahone

I'm still married because the worst of it is over. So is the best of it (if there ever was a best) but as long as we're not constantly fighting, I really don't care. He'll fight a divorce to the death, and I really don't need that stress.

He has his life, I have mine. On the positive side, he does most of the bills and grocery shopping and helps out at craft fairs, so I guess he's useful.

I wasn't married long enough (5 years) the first time to learn any faults my husband might have had. The way it is now YES I would marry him again...

Number two was sort of a reaction from the death of number one but we had 14 pretty good years, all except the part where he wanted me to be some big singing star, I did try and could have been but thats not me, not what I wanted to do. Him I would still marry again. He also passed away...

Number three, the type on this computer isn't big enough for the resounding NO , I would want to type here. No, No, Oh Lord, NO Yuk phooey!!! Big mistake.

Knowing what I know now I would definately marry the same man, but I would be different. I would be the person I wanted to be from the start and have the upfront conversations from the start. But then, you have to have experience to learn from experience. Interesting question to pose though.

Oh I love that..."You have to EXPERIENCE to learn from EXPERIENCE..."

Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
http://www.talk2bev.com

NO, wish I had not! I did remarry my ex, and like Starting Over, he was very deceptive, even more so. Our marriages were '92-'97 & '98-'03, and there were a lot of exit 'doors' in which I should have exited earlier!

We celebrated our 29th anniversary in October -- we've traveled to hell and back -- made a few trips actually -- getting through it all with our motto -- you and me against the world sweetheart

Would I marry him again? Every day of my life

Happily divorced X's 2....So the answer is NO and NO !

Absolutely, in a New York minute!

And I'll throw in another question. Do you think they'd marry us again?

22 years later the answer is a definite Yes!

Teeheee...I doubt VERY seriously if my ex would...he would have to sleep with one eye open and he knows it. mahahahah...ahem....cough...spurt...teehee.....

We never got around to actually getting married (but I always call him my husband) but, I would marry Dennis a hundred times. And, yes, he would marry me as many times as I wanted. A perfect match.

But - I have been with many men who I don't want to be with ever again, and they would say the same, only louder, about me.

would he marry me again ?

after the night we just had ??

i'd say the chances are pretty good

Lion, you go girl! Why not? He's your hubby and you can't do it with anyone else.

oh, and lion, I can't believe you're talking about this with your granddaughter in your lap!

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

You roar Lion! Or, should I say purr!

Dotsie - she's too young to read

MustangGal - I'd have to say a little of both

Lion, are you sure? She's pretty smart!

I doubt I would marry either of my ex-husbands if I met them today. However...I can't say I regret being married to either one of them because there was some good in the relationships along with the bad and those relationships at least helped me know what I don't want in a relationship!

Would my ex marry me again? probably not even though I was the best sex he ever had!! Can I say that here???

Seriously, he was 10 years older than me and always said it was against his better judgement to become involved with me but when your lower half overrules your "mind"--the end result is-------DIVORCE!


Peace & Blessings,
Beverly Mahone
Author, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age
Purchase your copy of “Hope for the Holidays” at http://www.talk2bev.com/holiday.htm

“I’m not a writer because I wrote a book. I wrote a book because I was inspired by God.”

A 26 yr old picked the man I'm married to -- that 26 yr old being me some many, many years ago. I trust I could do a better job of picking a man now.

On the other hand, I wouldn't trade the set of problems and triumphs we've had/have for a whole new set.

I always had told my husband (now ex) that I would pick him again...even after I first found out about his infidelity.
We were best friends, had great sex......he just had a secret life (small detail, I know). I loved him deeply (or should I say stupidly).

I get a "do over"...I get to pick the next man that I spend the next 40 years with....THAT is the upside of my recent divorce! woooo hoooo

The one I'm married to now I would. Absolutely.

msdiana, wise post. I know this guy who said, "Even though the girl down the street might be one hot woman, once you get to know her, she has her own set of problems." In other words, don't cheat. It's not worth it in the end. You're just jumping into another ball of wax. And sometimes it's hotter and will burn you.

Danita, with all your gathered wisdom, I'm sure you'll pick a winner the second time around.

How about this saying...

"the grass may be greener - but the water bill is higher"!

I am sooo much wiser about life and myself 10+ years after my divorce, that I would definitely not marry my ex-husband again. Next time around I want a man who is not a control-freak, makes decisions based on both of our needs not just his and builds people up instead of making himself feel better by putting others down... that's not too much to ask for... is it???
Donna

No it's not Donna.
I respect every women who frees herself out of a bad marriage to leap out alone into the scary world. More power to you all!

Definitely not, Donna. Definitely and absolutely not!

Thanks so much Hannelore and Lola,

I'm planning to not settle for less!

Donna

I would not marry my ex, an absolute NO!
He was an abusive cheater and now some other poor women has him.
My marriage to him was so traumatic that I stayed away from men for 10 years until my high school sweet heart caught up with me. No one else would be able to break down the walls. He did and I would/will marry him in the not to distant future.
Kate

I'm looking forward to that announcement. Another boomer wedding!

Well, when we figure out who is going to move (we live 3,000 miles apart) this will happen. Both of us have teens who don't want to move. They have all their friends that they don't want to leave. I also have my parents to consider. My father really depends on me. This is the only thing standing in our way and neither of us has the answer to this one.
Kate

Oh Kate! How lovely for you! Will you keep us posted? CONGRATS!

That's a big problem, Kate. But if you don't mind me saying so, you have been giving and sacrificing so much; I think it's time for you to be on the recieving end. If your future husband's job lies 3000 miles away, and he will be the "bread winner", then I would think moving to him is the only answer. Maybe moving away from your Mom and your son is not such bad a thing. Maybe this is your chance to make a new start in your life. Oh, and congratulations!

Moving away from my son and Mom is not a bad idea, but this is a complicated situation. My Dad depends on me. I know his health would really fail if I moved away. My children, the younger two, would not want to leave their friends and they are starting to see more of their Dad these days. So, we have to be creative. My boyfriend makes quite a bit more than me, but I have been supporting myself and my children for the past 10 years and have a good job here. I think the plan is to visit more often for now. When we do visit he always takes me to resorts and we go out to restaurants etc. This is great but not very realistic. We need to spend time together, but also with each other's children. Get to know each other when we are working too, not just on vacation. Although I do love him, until I spend time with him in a more realistic setting I can't even consider moving. Also, I love where I live which is another problem. I moved away from where he lives 18 years ago for greener pastures. If it is meant to be we will work it out. For now, we need to take some more time.
It's a nice thought Hannelore and I know where you are coming from.
Kate

I would rather die than marry the same creep. I have been divorced from Earl (Dianne told you his name)since 2001, and still can't shake him loose entirely. He is a scourge on my life and I am working 18 hours a day to build a business so I can give him the old heave-ho, completely. I may send him bag and baggage to my dear friend Dianne, she likes him...and he's from Minnesota originally...

kate, I respect you for putting your teen first. They will be gone before you know it.

Well, I'd marry husband #1 again and not be so stupid. I'd skip #2 and #3. But #4??? Absolutely! I feel so much gratitude for him every day.

Wo Casey! Four Hubby's'?! Takes quite a woman to survive that! So glad the fourth one is finally the right one for you!
Actually my husband is like 4 different men. He has so many sides to him; good and not so good. So I might as well stay with him, and just stick to his good sides. He is such a gentle loving grandfather. Makes me love him more.

i have enjoyed reading thse and the views, in my head instead of putting husbands in iv been mentally doing long term relashionships, (i might of married them if i could have, scarry lol)

but there that point that i hadent thougt of (hannilore just made it) that they then become fathers and if lucky grandfathers....

would anyone have picked there husbands for their fathering abilities.......have i said that right?

celtic_flame

hmmmm now i am thinking, hmmmmm

I have been married to the same man for 25 yrs. I was a teenager who got pregnant and felt at that time I had no choice. He turned out to be a very hard man but because of the times and my family situation I was trapped. Or so I thought at the time. My twenties were hell. By the time I hit my thirties I learned how to avoid him. (scheduled work and school when he was home) I didn’t see much of him then we would just pass each other on our way in or out. He is a good provider, not an alcohol or drug abuser and is a good father. The kids are close to him especially the boys. So I stayed and as he got older he changed for the better. But its too late. I do not want to be married to him and wish I never had. Now I’m in my forties, my youngest moved out on his own and I’m outa here. My mind is filling up with all these plans and finally this year its going to happen. I will keep you posted.

The first marriage when I was barely 18? Yes, only because if it weren't for that marriage I wouldn't have my oldest daughter, and she is a jewel! Oh, and I wouldn't have her three children as grandchildren....couldn't take that! Her dad was abusive and horrible...he cheated on me with my best friend.
#2...was married to for 21 years after only knowing him for 6 weeks! If it weren't for him though, I wouldn't have my middle daughter and her two sons or my youngest and her two children... He was an abusive rage-acholic who cheated.
#3...even though he was intelligent and artistic..a wonderful man...probably not. Our sex life was terrible and he had a hidden side that not many people knew of. (into whips and chairs...leather) My children all loved him and so did I, but probably not.
#4...is a total asshole. He is the most selfish, self centered human being I've ever met. He is an alcoholic who is critical and looks out for number 1 and that's himself. He is a liar and a cheat...his latest escapade was to pay a 35 yr. old hooker for two months, try to get out of taking me on a cruise with him and take her instead, then when I went, talked about pushing me over the side of the ship and rented a cabin with a deck on the far end of the ship!!! One night I had to lock myself in the bathroom of the cabin because I feared for my safety.
I don't think there will ever be a good man for me. I don't think that man exists. I'm just weird and excentric, I guess. My biggest fault is that I love too much and am too hard to match....the Match.com computer blew a fuse with me. I would get 1 email every 3 months...lol

I Did!! Fool that I am.... and I can tell you it was the third biggest mistake I ever made. Mistake #1 - Divorcing my first husband and father of my children. Mistake #2 Marrying my second husband the first time. Mistake #3 Marrying him again!!!!!!. The third time around has turned out to not be so charming. I'm always thinking about, and on the verge of leaving.

Sometimes i am on the fence. One day I will not want to see him and the other days we will have wild, romantic, "sexy time" together. I would definately do it again!

hi allflowerz
just noticed your name and that it new so thought i would pop in after you and say hi and welcome
c you about love
celtic

I responded to this yesterday but cyberspace must have sucked it up somehow! I would marry my husband again in a New York second. Trust me -- I went through quite a few frogs before I finally met and married my prince. This man is the most generous, caring, gentle man I have ever been with, and he doesn't just display that to me. He displays it to everybody. He has friends all over the country, and I can understand wholeheartedly why. People just gravitate to him. He is an honorable man, and they just don't come around very often. Oh yeah. I'd marry him again, and I think he would say the same about marrying me again (although sometimes I wonder why)!!!!

I adored my first husband. We were childhood sweethearts, went to church together, had similar likes and dislikes. We married young, because we "had" to. I was keeping myself, so to speak, but then his parents decided he should go to college out of state. This is when we figured we'd make our own plans. That way, no one could separate us. (A good lesson for parents who don't think that young people can really be in love.)

I have always regretted, deeply, that I made that decision. We did end up getting married. I lost that baby and planned to have another. I took my temperature to make sure I'd conceive. Jonathan, my only child, was the result of that union.

I adore my son. But, he was born with a bilateral cleft of the lip and palate. My husband, his father, brought his girlfriend - this is no lie - to the hospital to meet me on the day our son was born!

I had a hard labor and delivery and was still hooked up to I don't remember what. But if I could have gotten out of bed, I would have forgotten myself, for sure.

Gerald and I had been separated because he had experimented with drugs and apparently decided that he was going to live his life with them always in his life. I stayed at home with my parents, while I was pregnant. I was convinced that when he saw the baby and held our baby, that he would return to his old self. When I saw this woman, I knew this reunion was never to be.

My second husband and I met at the hospital when Jonathan was born. He was friends with a cousin who wanted to visit me, but had a problem driving at night in unfamiliar territory. So he brought her.

John asked me out on Valentine's Day. For two months, he visited me and my baby. He walked the floors to console baby, who often had colic, as cleft children do. He walked the halls of hospitals, after Jonathan had surgery.

I did not believe in divorce and remarriage at that time. But then, I felt in my heart like God had sent me this man.
A twenty-four year old man walking the halls with an unconsolable, screaming infant. A man who actually got me a charge card in my name - just in case.

I married John in 1974 and we've been together for all of these years. I'd marry him again in a minute. We've had some very bad years together and some very good years. All in all, as we have grown older and wiser, our marriage had blossomed!
He is a gift from God.

Emily in Maryland

Bookie, sorry to hear about that. I know a couple who married each other three times. This time they got it right.

allflowerz, welcome to the neighborhood. I hope to see you in more forums.

EvilTwin, I'm with you. I'd marry him without a thought. Sounds like we married similar guys. Everybody Loves Ross and I don't blame them. I tease him because of the show Everybody Loves Raymond. I was waiting for him outside his office the other day and I saw this little girl patient of his run up to him and give him a bear hug. She almost knocked him over. He's a good-hearted guy. I am blessed.

Emily, that story warms my heart. Thank you for sharing it. And I'm so happy you two have each other. Same for you Dots. That door swings both ways. I know Mr. R is a wonderful man, and he thinks I'm funny, so why would I not adore him? But I'm sure he sees his own reflection when he looks at you!

You women are very blessed. I guess I'll just settle for Mr. Coffee.

JJ, my brother is still single....????!!!!!

Infact when I think about it, I know half a dozen men that would be taken by you. I sell lots of homes from divorced couples, and usually the guys spill their hearts out; somewhere between showing me the bar and the bathroom.
Actually I could open a dating service on the side. Hah! Hmmm, I wonder...

If they are single, don't have a Mother, children, or Ex and have tons and tons of money, are blind in one eye and can't see good out of the other, love Southern Belles, even fluffy ones, then I'm in.

What?

What funny? I'm serious. Oh and they want to travel, with me. Not cruises though. I don't do the ocean. I saw JAWS.

Hahahaaaa, okay...I got one for ya.

He doesn't have money. See the cup he's peddling with? Course then again, he does save on dog food.

HA! I'll bet he doesn't have an ex or children, either.

a dating service might be whats needed hannilore, think you only have to seel one property, rent the other lol and live off your fees....

you would be the ladie that knows, the know
cool

Not years ago. He was abit of a different man, even he admits it, at the time he married his ex and before they had children.

I believe him having had 2 children has made him far more patient.

Orchid, you talking about your man or the one with the dog bones? heh heh

Life is never simple on either side of the fence.