We met my sister and her husband in NY where he ran in the marathon. My sister was so verbally abusive to him and was just 100% frustrated if he asked the slightest question. He doesn't understand everything said as he French.

I finally said something to her about how mean she was to him and even my husband thought so too. She was shocked and told me the next day that she thought about it all night and it bothered her. I told her to not let it bother her but maybe, work on it.

I haven't heard from her since and I know she's been online because she's updated her blog.

I heard her husband say a few times, "Oh please don't get mad at me again." It made me sad.

Maybe I shouldn't have said anything but in truth, it was kind of ruining our trip too. We were there to have fun, not have her act like our dad always did. Oh my word, she has become our dad with a scowl on her face, arms crossed at the chest, glaring. That's just too sad.

Do you think I should have kept quiet?

Dianne, I think you did the right thing. She is probably upset because you pointed out a flaw that she didn't seem to be aware of. We've all got them, and it hurts when someone tells us about them.

It's good that she thought about it all night; it means maybe she realizes there was some truth to what you told her. There are times when I see someone behave horribly, and I realize I've behaved that way before. It's a real eye-opener and helps me change my behavior.

I would contact your sister just as you normally would, without any mention of your previous remark. If she wants to bring it up, then go from there. If not, then continue with your normal relationship.

Kathy

Dianne, that's something I would do; speak my mind, mean well, and then wonder if I should have kept out of it.

No, I think it was right that you said something. The main thing is that you didn't say anything in front of her husband. But you're her sister. Sister's have special rights. She's probably keeping quiet, because she knows you're right and has to first come to terms with her self. And she may have a hard time admitting that you are right.

The silent treatment is hard, I know. I can't stand being left in the dark either. I would try to just act like the conversation never happened. She just might need time.

Gosh, I think the French accent sounds so charming. Oh well.

Dianne you did 100% the right thing. She is probably licking her wounds. I mean the wounds of her own conscience telling her to grow up and act right. Plus she is probably embarrassed as well. Give her time, she'll come around.

Dianne, I agree with all the other women. Perhaps she was unaware, especially if it's learned behavior from your dad. She's probably doing what she learned and didn't realize how wrong it is. I think she's mulling it over and hopefully considering why she acts that way and what she can do to change.

I'd drop her an email just to touch base if yo unormally would.

How inspirational that they would come from France to do the NY Marathon. I was speaking with a woman last night who walks marathons. She is single and travels around the country doing this. It's become one of her midlife/ hobbies/passions. I love to walk. I could see it becoming one of my passions. She's going to email me some sites and more information so I can check it out and get involved locally.

Did you watch the runners. Wasn't it remarkable? I witnessed the Philly Marathon a few weekends ago and my eyes were dripping. It was so cool.

It was wonderful watching the runners although some of them were puking at the end. Tough race.

I might just wait it out a little longer. We're going to AZ on Saturday so I might email her when we return.

I believe that if I was acting that horrible, I'd want someone, especially her, to point it out. On the other side of this, she has never, not once, defended me to our parents. Not once and even when she caused a problem. I actually stopped talking to her for a year because she refused to call them and tell them the truth, that she was the instigator so, I don't know that she feels so close to me.

There have been times that I lied and said I had a headache and was going to go back to the hotel and lie down because she was acting so ugly and mad. And, she spewed venom all over me because I couldn't get them an invitation to this private party we were going to. The next morning, she went off on me again. When we got home I sat down and cried because I was seriously thinking of ending our relationship, it was that bad.

Hi, Dianne: I'd have done the same thing if anyone in my company acted in the manner your sister did. Domestic strife really ought to be kept private regardless of the triggers which bring it about. But, what's done is done. Have you managed to contact your sister since? Perhaps, if you made the first move to reach out then you'd be in a better position to know how she has been since NYC without mentioning anything about the awkward situation that took place. Just say hello and as it is nearly Christmas, there would be other things to talk about. A good time as any for a phone call or an e-mail.

Dianne, I'm so sorry to read about your grief with your sister.

You sound so very frustrated and disappointed in her. How does your husband feel about this? Is he supporting you?

From what you have described, and the fact that she hasn't defended you in the past, sounds like there could be envy or jealousy playing some kind of role here. Don't people act aggressive when they are envious of someone? Could that be her problem? If it is, then it might help you understand the way she is.

Besides, you got a whole bunch of Boomer sisters here that care.
Hannelore

My husband very rarely says anything negative about anyone but he doesn't care for my sister at all. He's very supportive on this.

She used to play into this role that had been set up by my parents such as, saying things like--Dianne finally found someone who would put up with her. I really blasted her when I heard her saying this to our aunt on the phone while she was visiting me. I almost drove her to the airport so she could go back home.

She says, "Dianne was the one born with looks, I was the one born with brains." How can you be jealous of your own sister? Your only sister? I love her dearly but the older she gets, the angrier she becomes.

They are still traveling and should arrive back in Paris today. But she's always called me while she's been in the states. I don't know. I guess I don't care if she's upset with me because she really was acting horribly. I don't want to see my sister spend her remaining years on earth being so angry.

Maybe her marriage isn't going well. She sees what a good marriage you have, and it's adding coal into her fire.

I agree, a sister should not feel jealousy, but they do. It's the rival thing they grow up with. I donÄt have a sister, but my mother does. They seem to have a simliar problem, and my mom is 85 and her sister is 80.. Isn't that ridiculous?

Just try to think "Onward", Dianne.