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#9601 - 07/07/05 05:21 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
The Power of Addicted Lov Offline
Member

Registered: 07/02/05
Posts: 173
Loc: Phoenix, Arizona
Hi Wordcharmer!

Thank you!

When I was writing my story (book), I had to place myself back into that abusive situation. So many times I covered his actions up with excuses. If it had happened today, I would have taken out a full page ad in the newspaper!

The lessons of life................


Teresa :-)

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#9602 - 07/07/05 05:41 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I had to do the same thing while writing my book and the honesty that had to be written was a very spiritual experience for me. I knew I couldn't make excuses in my book because battered women exist on excuses, as I did. I plan on ordering your book this week.

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#9603 - 07/07/05 08:09 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Yes, I did the same with my book. I had to relive the experience while I was writing in order to offer the full emotional content. However, given that 20 years had transpired since real time experience, I was able to be objective enough to thoroughly examine motives, memories, and emotions. That objectivity helps me to help others now without careening into the experience again and again. Love and Light, Lynn

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#9604 - 07/08/05 06:00 AM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
The Power of Addicted Lov Offline
Member

Registered: 07/02/05
Posts: 173
Loc: Phoenix, Arizona
Your right Diane! Battered women do exist on excuses. Aside from feeling judged by our peers, family and friends.....we are forced to put on our smiling face even though our heart is on fire with pain.

It's amazing the things I was able to "hide" from the outside world. I should have received an Oscar for the worlds best actress. Unless I had physical bruises on my body, noone would have ever known what went on behind closed doors.

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#9605 - 07/08/05 06:14 AM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
wordcharmer Offline
Member

Registered: 05/18/05
Posts: 69
Loc: Ohio
Teresa, one of my daughters was in an abusive relationship. Even though she had no bruises, I knew in my gut that she was being abused. She didn't admit it at first, but when the abuse escalated and he began abusing her son, she finally asked me for help. The sad thing was, that by the time she came to me, he had sexually abused her son. He was four at the time. He's almost 6 now, but he remembers vividly and is in therapy. She spent some time in the hospital for a suicide attempt when she found out what this animal had done to her son.

I hope that any woman who reads this knows that if a man is abusing you, he may eventually abuse your children too. Even if he doesn't sexually or physically abuse them, by staying in an abusive relationship, you are taking a chance with their lives and yours. And when they see the abuse, and feel the fear, they are emotionally scarred too.

[ July 07, 2005, 11:16 PM: Message edited by: wordcharmer ]

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#9606 - 07/08/05 07:09 AM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Charmer, thanks for sharing this. So this would be your grandson that was abused? As you may know, considering that you are knowledgable about DV and SA, that he remembers may be better than burying the pain for a lifetime. He is able to participate in therapy. Yes, children who even witness abuse are victims as if they suffered the actual abuse themselves. Love and Light, Lynn

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#9607 - 07/08/05 04:15 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
wordcharmer Offline
Member

Registered: 05/18/05
Posts: 69
Loc: Ohio
Thanks Lynn, yes I do know that. He is my grandson and a very bright little boy, and seems to be doing OK. His mom has turned her life around too, and is getting married this Fall to a man who is very good to her and her two boys.

[ July 08, 2005, 09:16 AM: Message edited by: wordcharmer ]

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#9608 - 07/08/05 05:47 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
The Power of Addicted Lov Offline
Member

Registered: 07/02/05
Posts: 173
Loc: Phoenix, Arizona
Your absolutely right Wordcharmer!

My heart goes out to your daughter! I hope in time, her pain will heal and she will find peace again for not only herself, but for her son as well.

Many times victims of abuse do not want to discuss their situation. Most times it's because they are fearful that their spouse will find out and seek revenge. In my case, my ex husband was not only an abuser, he drank at least 20 bottles of beer each night, snorted cocaine and still acted like I was the one with the problem.

In addition, he found satisfaction with buying rounds of drinks for everyone at the bar using our mortgage money to finance his addictions.

I think he was happiest when I was barefoot and pregnant. He used to tell me that noone would ever love me with four children.

Boy did I prove him wrong!!! Not only did the most wonderful man come into my life a few years ago, I was blessed that has taken my daughters under his wing being the best father anyone could ever ask for!

Everyday seems like a fairytale and I thank God that I was strong enough to walk away from my abusive and dysfunctional situation.

Please have your daughter look at my website.....my story may inspire her.....and help her through her time of pain and struggle.

We ARE survivors!!

Teresa :-)

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#9609 - 07/09/05 07:00 AM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
wordcharmer, the statistics: If a man abuses his wife/girlfriend the child stands 1500 times the chance of also being abused. Horrible to think about.

I'm so glad your daughter and grandbaby are okay now. It's so tragic. I want to kill these men who do this.

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#9610 - 07/13/05 05:45 PM Re: www. thepowerofaddictedlove. com
wordcharmer Offline
Member

Registered: 05/18/05
Posts: 69
Loc: Ohio
Thank you Teresa. I will share your site with her.
She is healing, and helping her son heal too. And she is happy now. Like you she found a man who treats her and her children great.

Believe me Dianne, it took all my strength and faith to not find him and murder him! I certainly can understand vigilante justice in cases like my daughter's and like the case of Shasta and her brother. I hope they put him away this time and throw away the key! He should never have been out in the first place...

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