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#9467 - 11/04/04 04:50 AM Re: What???
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Smile, Dianne and all....this topic was not mentioned to hurt or belittle anyone here. I admire the women who keep trying no matter how awful the last experience was. It shows courage and faith to me. My ist husband died young, my second and I were together 14 years, I was happy and would have remained with him but he and my eldest son were dangerous around one another. He was a drinker and couldn't be reasoned with so I said goodbye. Now my third try was the worst of the three. I remained unmarried anter #2 for 14 years and was celibut but decided to try again and #3 had all the right answers and said all the right things and was a big fat LIAR!. We remained married 6 years and have been divorced now for 3 years and guess what I am still celibut....Figure that one. Would I try again? If I dd I would do it the way I buy shoes, try them on first, hahah [Razz] [Big Grin] aha!

#9468 - 11/04/04 06:16 AM Re: What???
smilinize Offline

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
You're right. Marriage is a lot like buying shoes. I've bought shoes right off the rack and sometimes they fit perfectly and other times they pinched.
I've tried shoes on and they felt wonderful in the store then they nearly killed me the moment I walked out of the store. Other times, they felt great and I wore them forever.

Same with marriage. You live with a guy and it feels great then you marry them thinking you have a perfect fit and sometimes it nearly kills you.

Sometimes you just meet a guy and you marry him and it's a perfect fit. Other times you wish you had tried him on first.

There doesn't seem to be a perfect way to buy shoes or find a husband either.

#9469 - 11/04/04 10:06 AM Re: What???
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Claire, I got married at 26 and felt I was too young. I knew almost no one who got married before they graduated college at 22.

#9470 - 11/04/04 04:33 PM Re: What???
TVC15 Offline

Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 2538
Loc: North Carolina
You are all going to think I was crazy, but I got married at 17. We are the excetion to the rule because we are still together. I know we were lucky and I definitely would not reccommend it even though it has worked for us. It was hard at times but worth it. I cant even imagine being married to anyone else. Like I said, we were lucky. It could have turned out very bad.

#9471 - 11/05/04 12:20 AM Re: What???
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Claire, I think our generation married younger than the recent generation. Young adults seem to waiting until they are satisfied with their careers and educations.

I married at 21 and Ross was a few weeks shy of 24. He was my brother's friend and had been coming around the house for years. There came a time when my brother's friends and mine started mingling. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Still married 25 wonderful years later! [Big Grin] I feel blessed.

#9472 - 11/05/04 03:09 AM Re: What???
Lynn Offline

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
First marriage, never divorced. Thank goodness. Married at 27 so we are going on 20 years.

Lived together for 5 before marriage. And actually lived aboard the same ship as crew for 3 before that so we knew alot about each other.

I just knew he would last. He is a bit older than me but it works for us. Has not been smooth sailing but we have worked our way around the mountains and canyons.

Can't have the highs without the lows.


#9473 - 11/06/04 08:42 AM Re: What???
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Other than my current husband who seemed to go through a personal crisis for two years, this marriage has been wonderful. I feel like I have him back again. He jokes, laughs and is the man I fell in love with 12 years ago. I'm not sure why but he FINALLY decided to put our marriage first, over his grown sons. Maybe it was something I said or maybe it was the divorce papers. I don't know but something worked. It was a very scary, sad time for me tho. I don't trust as easily and I don't bend as easily anymore either. I've become very adamant about some things and it's usually involving protecting my spirit and soul. I'm no longer afraid. I have regained my personal power. Can't believe I allowed two men in their 30's and their father to rule my life like they did or how I allowed them to. I'm free at last! [Big Grin]

#9474 - 11/06/04 06:27 PM Re: What???
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Dianne, I'm so glad your marriage is feeling stronger. I believe you communicated to your husband over and over again that you must take priority over his 30 year old sons and you won't let them walk all over you. He's listening! I'm glad you stuck with it and he's now more like the guy you married!

Protecting your spirit and soul worked. [Wink]

#9475 - 11/07/04 02:53 AM Re: What???
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dianne, good for you, you were able to stick it out and have won what you always deserved, the respect and love of your husband. I do believe your filing for divorce make him realize you were not going to take it anymore...A person, especially a woman needs to set bounderies of what she'll take and what she won't take.

Claire, in reading this I realized that you have no children as yet. Something I posted in another area about having to be a mother to understand would seem nasty if I knew then what I know now. I DIDN'T KNOW and hope I didn't hurt your feeling in the other post about protecting ones children from harm....I may be argumentative at times but would NEVER intentionally hurt or try to hurt anyones feelings..... [Frown]

#9476 - 11/08/04 02:07 AM Re: What???
Claire Offline

Registered: 10/21/04
Posts: 98
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
Chatty Lady
Don't worry. I am argumentative myself but likewise, I wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally. I KNOW you didn't realise when you wrote that. Don't worry about it. It used to be a sensitive issue for me, especially when people are always asking if we are going to have kids etc but now I just say 'who knows, we are leaving it to God and nature'. I am 38 but there is still time and it may happen. It's in God's hands.
All the best Chatty Lady and thanks for being so thoughtful (If argumentative!!) :-)

GrĂ¡ (love)

Claire xx

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