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#9463 - 11/02/04 04:59 AM
Re: What???
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Member
Registered: 02/19/03
Posts: 765
Loc: Oregon
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We've been married for thirty years. Seems like yesterday. Its had its ups and downs but we work it out by talking. Have had many friends who served in Viet Nam. In fact we lost classmates over there pretty sad. My brother in law served and he too was never quite right after being there. He died of a heart attack about three years ago. Maggie
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#9464 - 11/02/04 09:58 PM
Re: What???
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Member
Registered: 10/21/04
Posts: 98
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Howdy sisters,
Most of you seem to have married quite young. I guess I never met anyone I wanted to marry before age 30 though I did have plenty of boyfriends over the years. There was one I would have married when I was 24 or so but he didn't want to marry me!
I met my husband when I was 28 and even then I was happy enough plodding along until he pushed for marriage. I met him when I was working in UK and I guess the fact that he was Irish and eventually wanted to go back just like I did, was some of the attraction! Also, I was pretty mad and unfocused and he was (still is) singleminded, serious and knows what he wants! He said he knew he wanted to marry me from the time we met (Mad man!).
Eventually at 34, I gave in. We returned to Ireland and it was great being back in the insanity of my family! My Dad was so proud to walk me, his only daughter, up the aisle and I am sure glad he got the opportunity. He was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after.
I have been married 4 years now and although I love my hubby, what a struggle that has been! I thought at one point that I wanted a divorce and we were only married 2 years then!!! Also It is EXTREMELY hard to get a divorce in Ireland, being such a catholic country. Divorce has only been introduced in the last few years!
I had spend the first two years of my marriage literally crying and walking on eggshells.
We were going along fine for years, until we tied the knot and then the s-it hit the fan!! I don't think that I changed but I think that he did.
It was like I became one of his possessions or something and he seemed to be jealous of everything, including my mother, the dog, my friends!! He also expected me to do all the housework even though I have a full time day job and like to write and walk dogs in the evenings! We were always rowing about my alleged terrible housekeeping skills. He kept bringing up that as he earned 4 times as much as me and more, it was purely my duty to do ALL housework, no matter what.
Also, as we have not become pregnant, he blamed me a lot. In the end, we had to go for marriage counselling because we were both ready to either kill each other or walk away!! Thankfully we got through it all after 9 months of counselling (do you spell that word differently over there?) and we have emerged stronger for it. We seem to be making a go of things now, though we do still have our ups and downs!!! The counsellor also pointed out that it doesn't matter if he earned a million more than me or me than him, we should be sharing household duties as intimacy begins in the kitchen!!! Well, it does NOW anyway! :-)
I think marriage has to be worked at and a lot of it has to do with good communication. I would certainly recommend marriage counselling to any couples that are in trouble! If there is anything to be saved, this will help and if there isn't the counsellor can give advice on seperation and divorce etc.
'PĆ³sta' Gaelic for 'Married'
Bye for now
Clairey xx
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#9465 - 11/03/04 06:29 PM
Re: What???
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Founder
Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
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Claire, what a wise woman you are to get help. You hit the nail on the head about communicating, housework, and getting help for our marriages. I didn't realize divorce was something relatively new in Ireland. That's where this country was when boomers were growing up. I hope your country doesn't follow in our footsteps. Keep working at that marriage and remember to stand up for your needs within your home. My husband and I went through 4 years of infertility. We now have a 19 year old son and 17 year old daughter (both adopted from Korea as infants)...and a 16 year old son that I gave birth to shortly after our daughter arrived from Korea.
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#9466 - 11/03/04 10:24 PM
Re: What???
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Member
Registered: 10/21/04
Posts: 98
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Dotsie, It's only since 1997 that divorce has been lawful in Ireland and even then, it's a difficult process, in the technical sense. I don't know all the ins and outs and I hope I won't have to! Sometimes Ireland seems so backward compared to US but then it is a much, much smaller country.We are now one of the richest small European Countries with the Celtic Tiger and all that stuff though. Dotsie, I think we probably will follow the way of the US where divorce and other matters are concerned. The UK always follow first and then it filters through to Ireland eventually. Dotsie, that's lovely about your kids. We haven't even thought of adoption or anything. WE are leaving it to nature at the moment and hoping for the best. I guess at 38 though, I don't have loads more time. In saying that, my cousin had her first baby at 40 and her second at 43. I don't know. Do you think that people in US generally marry quite young - for the first time anyway?
Clairey
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