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#9487 - 12/11/04 05:00 AM Re: What???
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER WRITTEN

Evelyn you hit the nails right on their heads with this one. Every word is true, sad but true...fantastic. [Wink]

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#9488 - 12/11/04 07:56 AM Re: What???
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
You said it . I love that one also. I have been married to the same man for 33 years . I guess I had more ups then downs . I had women always chasing after him. He just came home to me. Good Think. Ha!

[Big Grin]

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#9489 - 01/18/05 11:42 PM Re: What???
Whirlwind Offline
Member

Registered: 01/18/05
Posts: 261
Loc: Atlanta, GA
OK, I'll weigh in with my two cents here.

Got married at 19 to my high school sweetheart. He turned out to be abusive and I left after two LONG years. I only stayed that long because I was raised to believe that "I do" meant "for always."

Got married again at 23. The first dozen or so years were pretty good. Stayed married for 18 years, until he had his "mid-life crisis." He ended up marrying his "girlfriend", a lady 12 years my junior and blonde. And he, who had never wanted any children, is suddenly a doting dad.

Marriage number one I don't really count. It was another lifetime ago when I was just a child.

Marriage number two, I'm the one who moved out of the "marital home." Told him I was taking an apartment for a couple of months, so we could decide where we were headed. I knew it would most likely lead to "the end," but I just couldn't take the scowling looks and the silence when he WAS home, and making excuses to family and friends any longer. As a side note, I told him I wanted to move out three weeks before I actually did it, and he never asked me not to go.

So, here I am, in mid-life, twice divorced, no kids. And rather than bemoaning the fact, I'm celebrating it.

Now, I do wonder if I'll regret not having children when I get older. But, can you really "miss" something you never had?

I'm not trying to downplay the joys of marriage when it's good. Any more than I'm trying to "up-play" the joys of being single, because it's not "all" fun and games.

All stages of life can be good. And all things considered, I truly consider this the best time of my life so far. I feel like I'm beginning another "stage", and I intend to enjoy the heck out of it!

And JawJaw, I loved your comment, you made me laugh out loud. Amen!

Whirlwind

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#9490 - 01/19/05 06:08 AM Re: What???
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
Whirlwind,
We never know where life is going to take us. You did what was best for you . I left my husband twice and came back. Things got better after I told him off. My husband had been married before with two Children an one child was killed by a train . His son. His one daughter lives out of town . He does not get to see his grandchildren . We do have a daughter by me. She is a lovely devoted daughter and live close to us.

Do you have any sisters ? Any niece or nephews.? You maybe can help them out. Just some thoughts. If you are happy they way you are so be it. YOu sound like a lovely and caring person .

Do what makes you happy.I say! [Big Grin]

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#9491 - 01/20/05 01:39 AM Re: What???
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
quote:
Originally posted by Whirlwind:
I'm not trying to downplay the joys of marriage when it's good. Any more than I'm trying to "up-play" the joys of being single, because it's not "all" fun and games.

All stages of life can be good. And all things considered, I truly consider this the best time of my life so far. I feel like I'm beginning another "stage", and I intend to enjoy the heck out of it!
Whirlwind

Girl, you've got it together! Congrats on finding the peace within and the courage to share your opinion...and begin life anew!

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#9492 - 01/21/05 01:24 AM Re: What???
Lynn Offline
Member

Registered: 06/26/03
Posts: 621
Loc: pennsylvania
Missed this post so will chime in now.

I have been married to John for almost 20 years. I am his third wife and he is my first. All ex wives are friends of both of ours and can count on them when needed.

I, too, feel blessed to have found "my guy" although "pieceof cake" does not describe our marriage. It is lots of work but the rewards are immeasurable. Same as kids.

For those of you who have multiple marriages: at least you got into the dance and gave it a chance! I always give points for trying.

It is the people who are afraid to try that I worry about.

Lynn

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#9493 - 01/21/05 09:02 PM Re: What???
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lynn, you mention a good point. Marriage is hard work. I think many people believe great marriages just happen. They don't, you have to work at it. One of the problems I see is that for the most part we were never told how to work at a marriage. It's something you have to figure out for yourself.

I always feel sorry for the women who are willing to work at it, but their spouse isn't. that's heart breaking!

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#9494 - 01/21/05 11:56 PM Re: What???
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
So far what I have contributed to this marriage has, for the most part, been fun. Actually I think my husband has done more work than I have especially since my surgery, but he says he's learning some new things and seems pretty cheerful about it.
I can't seem to approach marriage as a job or work (been there, done that). Puts too much stress on me to do it well. I think I do better approaching it as an adventure which like about all fun results from a degree of effort. It seems a lot less pressure to view it as something pleasurable over which I have little control.
smile

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