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#9435 - 09/12/04 10:15 PM as a child?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I'm forever reading stories about baby boomers. One topic that comes up often is the rise in the divorce rate. Associated with that rise is women in the work place and our increased independence. One sparks the other.

Since women are out and about they have more opportunity to gain confidence, meet men, make money, and take risks.

Any thoughts on this?

I recall one relative/friend who was divorced while I was growing up. That's it!

[ September 12, 2004, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

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#9436 - 09/13/04 01:58 AM Re: as a child?
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Dotsie I believe that all of the above is correct BUT I think the main reason the divorce rate is so high is years ago it was mostly men in the work place but now it's many, many women of all types, shapes and sizes, and this gives the men more temptation that ever and since we women out number men by so many we are HUNTERS and GATHERERS of other womens men....It's a jungle out out there and I mean that literally.

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#9437 - 09/13/04 06:16 AM Re: as a child?
Julie Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/03
Posts: 332
Loc: Australia
Maybe it also has to do with the "disposable society" - relationships are disposable, like everything else.

I recall the consternation amongst my extended family as a child when my aunt became engaged to a divorcee - the serious visits to the (sympathetic) minister, the breaking down of the "you can't get married in the church if you're divorced" taboo.

Now, no one turns a hair. Those of us in long term marriages are the minority.

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#9438 - 09/13/04 01:15 PM Re: as a child?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I've stated this before in another forum but I'll put my two cents worth in again. I think when women left the home to join the work forces, it opened their eyes to the fact that they had opportunities and choices too, and were not bound to the home or a bad marriage. There were tons of women who were abused, mistreated, and cheated on within their marriages, and some who had simply made the wrong choice as far as their marriage was concerned and wanted out.

Many discovered they could stand on their own two feet. And did. They left. Some men could not handle the transition of wife/housewife and subservant to breadwinner, some surpassing their husbands income amount and thus, more problems.

These are general statements and of course they don't apply to women everywhere, nor do they address every divorce issue, but as more and more women ventured outside the home, they took advantage of the opportunities out there and progressed...some finding out they did not need to stay in a marriage that was not healthy.

Ladies...I am not saying this is a good thing, or a bad thing, just some things that contributed to the increase in divorces.

Last, I would say that as more and more people were divorced, society became more use to it, and eventually accepted it as the norm...it became commonplace until you would be hard pressed to find a family nowadays that hasn't been touched by it.

In my opinion, divorce has become as much an opportunity as getting married. And I think that's sad. Young people think "if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce." If you ask me, that attitude is strike one going into a marriage.

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#9439 - 09/13/04 06:33 PM Re: as a child?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Amen queenie!

The main benefit of women becoming financially independent is having a choice. Something that separates us from our mother's generation is the fact that if we need out of a marriage, we have a way. I'm speaking in general terms here.

I've read several stories written from the heart that mention how our mothers told us to make something of ourselves so we wouldn't be stuck like they were.

It's heartbreaking to think of women living day to day life in the stuck mode and never seeing a way out.

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#9440 - 09/16/04 03:32 AM Re: as a child?
Louisa Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 2132
Loc: MA
That's very true. Women stuck in marriages they had no way of getting out of because of society or because of money or that was just the way it was, wanted more for their daughters.

I know personally, I stressed a good education with my daughter because I didn't want her to have to "depend" on anyone. It's my "don't let the door hit you in the rear on the way out," theory of independence. Meaning that if she had a husband who wanted out of the marriage, she would be making enough money to support herself and any children if she had to and could kick his can to the curb. [Razz]

She is an RN with a degree and married. No kids yet. Granted, they need both incomes, as most do, to have the house, the car, the pool, the vacations, etc. But, if some disaster happens, she could stay afloat. She's a wonderful daughter. I'm very fortunate. And, she listens to her dear old mom. [Wink]
Louisa

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#9441 - 09/16/04 04:52 PM Re: as a child?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Louisa, there are still women today who choose to stay put because they feel strapped. Many less than during our mother's times. [Wink]

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#9442 - 09/16/04 11:43 PM Re: as a child?
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
While I agree that it is great that women have more choice now, I have seen a bad trend among many of my married frinds (we are all in our 20s) and that is the lack of respect for their husbands.

Some of my friends treat their husbands like crap because they don't need them financially and have done more with thier lives and careers than their husbands. What burns me as that these same women expect their husbands to still treat them like royalty.

Honoring eachother is two way street and shoudldn't have anything to do with money. Marriage is about honoring and respecting each other as individuals and seeing how you enrich each others lives.

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#9443 - 09/17/04 02:08 PM Re: as a child?
Agate Offline
Member

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 164
Loc: Minnesota
I remember when I was a teenager my mother coming to me in tears after a fight with my dad asking me if she should leave him. Of course, she didn't because she's Catholic, didn't have a job, and it just wasn't done.

Sad to say that I never knew my mom as a child because she was often in bed with migraines, was depressed, withdrawn, and cold. After my dad died when I was in my late 20s, my mom came out of her shell and started to travel with her church and her family and I discovered for the first time what a great sense of humor my mom has. Unfortunately, this change came late in her life and she didn't have a whole lot of fun and freedom time before her arthritis crippled her up and kept her from doing very much.

Having my husband almost divorce me I would say there are good and bad things about divorce. It can be a much needed escape from an abusive marriage but it can also be too much of an easy way to run from problems rather than work them out. In my case, looming divorce was a huge wake up call that I needed to start treating my husband better. Our marriage has improved so much after the divorce scare because we are both working hard to treat each other better and not let small irritations turn into unforgiveable problems. It's kind of like we've fallen in love all over again.

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#9444 - 09/17/04 03:01 PM Re: as a child?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Mary, you are to be congratulated on being so smart. So many women in your shoes would have taken the easy way out and gotten a divorce only to repeat the pattern. Don't know and don't care whose fault it was, or where the problem came from, I'm just wanting to tell you that I admire you for taking the path you have and turning the situation around. I think you and your hubby both should be so proud.

JJ

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