Okay ladies, as many of you know, I've been in for three weeks. I'm getting bored, but I'm also getting better and will be out and about soon. However, all these nights in, and with the long winter nights coming, I am wondering what I am going to do at night. I don't really like TV and one can only read so much. Ross and I don't want to become these old farts who sit on the sofa night in and night out.

What do you do to keep busy?

When the kids were here, I didn't have a second to sit down. I was wrapped up in so much of what they did. I was on committees, going to games, baking, cooking, entertaining, and always on the run. I'm looking to get involved in something again, but am going to be VERY picky about what it might be.

I'd love to hear what everyone else does during the long winter nights, after dinner and before bedtime.

I write. You might want to think about writing and submitting. Course, after being on the computer all day, the last thing YOU may want is to sit there again. But you COULD use your laptop and do it from the living room couch, eh?

Also, call people you've been meaning to call. Someone who needs to hear from you.

Writer letters, send cards.

Clean out closets, rooms, attics, basements.

Learn something. A language, a craft. Learn to knit, crochet, or paint, draw...

Annoy Ross.

JJ

What JJ said. And I LOVE the "annoy Ross" part. Sometimes I get so tired of my hubby just sitting there watching TV that I go over and attack him. I'll kiss his neck or tickle him or tip his chair back so he almost falls over, etc. Sounds like an exciting night, huh? That's life in the Walsh household.

Plus, I love to read on the couch all snuggled under a blanket while my hubby is watching ANOTHER sports program.

This would be a good time to put all those photos into albums, too, Dotsie.

Hi Dotsie, as you know I never had children, but I can still understand that you have the ENS (empty nest syndrome.) Once you get recuperated from your surgery, you may not know what to do with yourself! You have had a lot of adjustments this fall. I don't have any suggestions since my biggest time waster is TV. I watch way too much TV in the evening. But it is also when I am most likely to visit BWS.

JawJaw had a great list which included a lot of what I enjoy doing.

One additional thing I would like to recommend is making powerpoint presentations. I enjoy putting together slide show of photos as gifts. I did one for my son Chris' graduation which included tons of photos of Chris with various members of our family from day one of his life through graduation. Then I added music and made copies for all of his aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends... Everyone was touched.

I have done a Christmas one and given it as a Christmas gift. I also did one for our parish that was quite touching. It was about 3-4 minutes and was a slide show introducing the importance of contributing to a "Family-to-Family" project we were doing to help the less fortunate members of our community. My son and I went into each sunday school classroom one sunday morning and showed it to each class and then followed it with a little discussion. The kids were great - they were quite taken with the photos of those less fortunate and it brought it closer to them to see that they were luckier than many. The music we chose for that one was "Did you ever know that you're my hero" and it was a perfect choice. We had really good participation in the project.

I find it very energizing to use creativity in making the project and selecting the photos. It also is a family production as my son enjoyed adding to it. Plus - it's such a great gift idea as it comes from the heart!

Hi, Dotsie: I work so there are'nt too many nights free to do much more except on the weekends. Winter time is when theatre is good so Saturday evenings are mostly spent catching up on the shows that are on in town for the season. And, Saturday nightouts always mean coming home half past midnight. When not out and about, there are always dolls to finish in time for Christmas.

I paint and play piano. I have a few nights that I like to watch tv. I also take a yoga class two nights a week, just to make sure I get out of the house once in a while.

I work all day and am tired by the evening. I exercise after work, 3 or 4 nights each week (which I hate but must do!), read, do my bills, log onto BWS and then watch a couple of my favorite TV shows. Before you know it, it's time for bed.

49erDonna, I am scheduled to take a 6 hour crash course in Powerpoint on Nov. 11th. Sounds like I might enjoy it after your description! Hope I learn lots.

Pam, glad to hear you're taking a Powerpoint class - I'm sure you'll learn alot. I know it was meant to be a business charts type of program but you will be amazed how much fun it is to use.

My son and I did one for our Pastor's farewell lunch which had just about everyone in the room (200+) in tears. We showed it on a big screen. Lots of tears!!

Please let me know if you need any help after your class. I'd be more than happy to help!

Donna

Hubby and I are often so disconnected throughout the day, each going in different and haphazard directions, that the evening is the one sure time of the day that we know we can spend time together. We do sit on our big comfy couch and watch TV, but there's lots of snuggling and chatting going on during the commercials.

When there's nothing on TV, we play dominoes or card games together. Now that I'm spending 3-4 days (and nights) at my brother's apartment, we're very careful not to schedule anything else in on the nights when we ARE together at home, even if it's just watching TV. It's being together that we both cherish.

that's so sweet Eagle... makes me wish I was married too.

Most of the time when the kids, grandkids, and other unsundry relatives are not here, Dan and I enjoy doing nothing together. Sometimes he gets on his computer and I get on mine and we send jokes and flirt online across the den.
Tonight we came home from church where they sing only those new 'praise songs' and put on a CD of old hymns and sang together (he sings well, I try). Sometimes we put on old music and dance. Sometimes I paint or write and he does some wood project. Sometimes we read. Sometimes he flips through the TV chanels until I go berserk and insist he stops then we watch Dancing with the Stars, Home Makeover, or PBS. Sometimes we talk. Sometimes we make love.

There's always things to do. Actually I think there's more to do when the kids are gone. At least a lot more you want to do.

And when the grandkids come along an empty nests can be a great thing. Dot's, you've got a lot to look forward to.

smile

I agree Dotsie; winter nights can be awfully long.
I found writing is a great way to spend my time…and then sometimes the nights aren't long enough. Same thing happens when I paint.
Usually during the week, Hubby and I go to movies or the theatre. Sometimes on weekends we get together with friends or family.
What's missing in my life is charity work. I used to work at Mass. General Hospital in Boston in pediatrics. I entertained the little patients there with puppet shows, reading to them and painting with them. I loved doing that. I know as soon as I retire, I will want to get involved in some kind of volunteer work again.
I don't watch much TV and my husband does (especially sport shows). Therefore we don't sit together evenings. But we do a lot of sports together and we love to travel. Actually the older we get, the earlier we go to bed and the earlier we get up. So we've turned into day people anyway, which automatically shortens the nights.

Crossword puzzles keep me very busy. Reading as well, but like you say...one can read only so much.

I work until after dark since my soap-making shop is next to the house....work until i drop since i love it so much!

Take a nice, long, hot bath too.

Can you find a friend you can visit to play some scrabble (NOT the on line kind!) When my Dad used to work nights and the four of us kids were in bed, Mom had a neighbor to play Scrabble or cards with. I wish i had a friend to play with.

DH and i play Cribbage sometimes three times/day. Why not take it up? It's addictive AND very good for keeping the brain thinking/active.

Thanks for all your thoughts and ideas. This is great. You've given me lots to think about.

JJ, your idea of cleaning out closets and getting organized is exactly what I planned to do once the kids left, but I can't do that since the surgery. This will change. I really want to have the house in tip-top shape when the kids come home for Thanksgiving. I think that's a good goal so that should keep me busy in a couple weeks.

Hannelore, I also want to give back a little. My husband is a mentor for a little boy at a local orphanage so I'm considering that, but it must be done during the day. My free time is really at night and they don't want you visiting the kids at night because it interferes with dinner, homework and their evening routines.

I do some of the things you all suggested already. I guess what I'm trying to do is find some balance. It's fun to be home some nights, but I don't want to be in Sun. through Thursday night. Part of this also has to do with the fact that I have a home office so I am not out and about during the day. One can only stay in so much.

We always get out on the weekend, either alone or with family and friends, or we have people here. I am a people person. Can you tell?

I guess what I'm learning in this empty nest is the fact that it's okay to relax. I'm learning to like it actually. Last night I watched an entire college football game with Ross. This is a first. Of course it was my son's college team that was playing so it added some interest.Usually, Ross and the kids would watch while I scampered about doing what I wanted to do. Now I like to keep him company.

If any of you have other thoughts, keep them coming. I'll let you know what I decide.

Dotsie, do you like board games! Puzzles! While visiting my grandparents this past summer in OK, my niece and I learned a new dominoes game - 'Chicken Foot' which is a real hoot.

During the cold winter, I like to order the Spring garden catalogs and plan (actually dream!) for the new season, nonetheless I find it enjoyable.

Its strange but single people spend time differently than the married people do at night. Been both and when married I devoted my evenings to my husband and his likes mostly. When he was happy, so was I. Since being single now which seems like forever, I love working at night. MY imagination kicks into high gear then and sometimes I can write until dawn. I also like to read the manuscripts I am working on at night. The only down side to that is if I happen to be working on one that is scary and really graphic I have nightmares. But that is a positive too because if it can give me nightmares, I know the readers of the finished product (book) will feel the same emotional excitements.... So you see, it matters whether you're single and have only yourself to please, or are married and trying to please and be pleased by your spouse. Which ever it is, just relax and go with the flow, life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Chatty, such lovely insight and observant regarding married v. single. So true, more time for ourselves than catering to another. I look forward to your books! Although I cannot stomach scary/gory movies lately, a book in contrast I can b/c one can simply put it down and come back to it later!

You're right, Chatty. Singlehood has that advantage when it comes to long winter nights and one is still up. My ex treated sleep as a sacred thing and was a very light sleeper that any pottering around the house at bedtime greatly bothered him. So even when I was sleepless, I would lay awake at night itching to do things or even listen to music, which if I really pushed for it, I had to do with headphones on.

Yee Gads, Lola!! Thank God for being single and FREE to live life on our own terms.

mustang, when the kids were little, we definitely played more cards and board games in the winter. Ross isn't a big game player so I don't think I'll be playing board games too much in my empty nest.

chatty, you bring up a great point. Ross and I definitely consider one another when it comes to doing things any time of the night or day. We like to make sure the other is comfortable doing something should we choose to do anything without one antoher. Make sense?

Absolutely Dotsie, makes perfect sense and just one of the reasons the two of you have such a wonderful relationship.

I agree Chatty. It takes that very special mixture of respect, consideration and love to have that kind of perfect marriage. That love you have Dotsie, emanates right through your posts.

Dotsie, it's a sign of a great marriage, when a couple has given each other the right to have differing interests. I once knew a man who told his wife, 'I want you to be interested in only that in which I'm interested', now you know that marriage was doomed!

An empty nest just gives a couple the luxury of more time to indulge in their shared, and individual interests, and pastimes, and the time to develop new ones. It really can be a fantastic time of life.

Interesting that Chatty made the connection between how we act married vs single. It's true though. My husband was always locked in his office in the evenings and I got into the habit of waiting in front of the TV with a book for him to come out so I could spend a bit of time with him.

I used to get so frustrated that I was spending my life waiting to live it with him. Now that I am single, I am gone most evenings, working or to church. If I am at home I try to work some, cook something to eat, do laundry, clean a bit, read, but I still spend too much time in front of TV. I guess so many years has developed a nasty habit.

I need projects, but have little ambition these days. So much of my creative energy is going into working 2 jobs. The house I'm renting is small and there's little area to spread out a project and leave it sit between work sessions. I have a tiffany lamp that has scenes on it that got broken in a move. I want to take it apart and frame each scene seperately to give as gifts. But, I need a large area to take it apart without the dog walking in bits of broken glass etc. I thought I would do it in the shed, but the weather has turned too quickly to work on it this fall.

starting over, oh my. I have a hard time with women living in the shadows of their men. It drives me crazy. I want to tell them to get a life. Sorry. I don't mean to sound harsh, but why should we sit around and wait for them?

Your project sounds like such a good one. Do you have a board you could use to do the project? Then maybe you could slide it under a bed when not working on it?

Hannelore, thanks for the kind comment. I'm touched.

Jeanine, I'm with you on your comment. I'm enjoying the empty nest more now that I can get around a little bit. My knee is healing.

Starting over, I made the comment because I have lived it. I have been single, married, widowed, married, divorced and widowed, married again and now divorced. There is a huge difference between single and married and our actions during those times. I thought the differences were worth mentioning and am not quite sure why you think it is 'interesting' that I am the one mentioining it.

I just meant that it wasn't a connection I had made in my mind, but I realized after reading it that I have lived 2 different ways--married vs single. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings in some way...I was only acknowledging who the original writer was and the revelation of your statement.

No problem, was just wondering. It is an amazing concept to me that some don't see that we live totally different, single versus married.

It's hard for me to see it because I've been married for 27 years.