That's an interesting perspective, Chatty, and one I can fully identify with. It reminds me of a decision I made way back in the late '80's. It was a few years after my suicide attempt. I was still feeling somewhat fragile and terrified of a relapse, so went back into therapy, with a different psychologist than the one who had helped me through my recovery. I went to this new guy for several weeks, then began to notice that I wasn't looking forward to these sessions, in fact, I was dreading them. The reason? Because I always came away feeling worse. I realized that I had actually been doing better on my own. I was suddenly extremely tired of being so introspective, and needed to come out of myself and out of the dark cave that therapy seemed to be keeping me immersed in. So against his dire warning, I stopped going to therapy. Within a week, I was feeling so much stronger and life looked so much brighter that I just knew that I was finally on my way out of that darkness and that I would be okay now.
It does help to write/talk out all of the pain and agony we're going through when it overwhelms us and threatens to drown us in its relentlessness. Journalling or therapy becomes our safety net, like a pressure valve, allowing us to put that overwhelming pain and darkness "out there" for awhile while we try to sort it all out and make sense of who and where we are within the chaotic circumstances of our lives.
But I think that there does come a day when we know it's time to move out of that chaos and find our way back to the light and our "new" life. When we stay too long in that darkness, we risk becoming so mired in the quicksand of our despair that we lose all sense of direction or even the hope of ever breaking free.
It's a different timing for everyone. Grief is such a personal process. So many events, smells, circumstances can trigger so much pain, that it's often a "3 steps forward, 2 steps back" sort of journey for a long time.
Edited by Eagle Heart (10/25/06 02:20 AM)
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)