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#9271 - 03/03/03 02:14 PM divorced...finally!
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
A woman I know was telling me that her divorce was final. One of the most disappointing things that came out of her divorce was the fact that justice doesn't always prevail.

She feels as though she has let her children down because she believes she has taught them that justice will prevail in their lives, but now it hasn't for her. Now she is beating herself up for yet another thing. Why do we women do this? [Confused]

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#9272 - 03/03/03 06:30 PM Re: divorced...finally!
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
It would be nice if all things in this world were perfect -- but hey -- let's face it

sometimes the bad guy wins !

It's as simple as that

The thing I try to do when that happens is to learn from it -- don't dwell on the negative of it -- that's pretty obvious -- but what was life trying to teach me through this situation -- what lesson am I supposed to pass on

If I believed that this time here on earth was IT -- then I guess I wouldn't care -- but I choose to believe that everything I learn now is preparing me for so much more -- preparing me for the wonders of my next life -- or afterlife. I don't think I'm knowledgeable enough to stand in front of my maker and say let me in -- not quite yet -- I think I have a few more lessons to learn first [Smile]

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#9273 - 01/24/05 10:31 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Debi Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
Dotsi and loinspaw I can seriously sempathize the feeling guilty where kids are comcerned:
I remember saying something about an ex and now being with the right man. I am so far from perfect. One of my priorities this year is to find an attorney that will take a case .I live in kansas and no attorney here will take my case becausse they dont know colorado law , and a colorado attorney wont take it because I dont live there . Although it would be easier if there were no kids . But when legal aide in both states wont / cant help , where does one go??

If you have any suggestions ,. pleaseee lety me know.. Would like to have my name and freedom back

Debi

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#9274 - 01/25/05 08:20 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Debi, I'm confused. Is this a divorce case? Tell us a little more if you don't mind.

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#9275 - 01/25/05 03:56 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Debi Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
Ok ladies ,
I had been married unhappily in an abuse marriage for about 14 yrs, Last year , the day before thanksgiving to be exact he bodily tossed me out of the house. Since then, I have not only moved to Kansas from Coloado, but now can't find an attorney who will take the case. The ones here in Kansas don't know Colorado law , and colorado wont do it because i dont live there. and this was from legal aide , the attornies wont touch it because of lack of money.

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#9276 - 01/25/05 04:52 AM Re: divorced...finally!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Debi, was your name on the house and most of all haven't you ever heard of spousal abuse, he can't legally kick you out or keep you out without going to court. Now this is especially true if there are recorded cases of abuse on file. Do you have children and if so are they with you or what? I lived in Colorado and my sister went through a messy divorce there from an abusive jackass. You should check out Dianne's site on Domestic Violence it's filled with women suffering similarily and beating the odds and they come from all over the country.

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#9277 - 01/25/05 05:08 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Debi Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
thanks Chatty,
It was a mixed blessing , because i wanted out , but didnt know how to get out. And the police were called thats the only way i was able to get my things out. Nothing was in my name but the bank bill that i didnt contribute to SCREWING UP. I've had a restraining order temporary. As for kids , they are with him and prob hate me , the last time I spoke to my daughter she hung up on me. I will look at the site . AS for a horrable divorce , it will be t hat , because he will bring in the other times i left , and always coming back . This is actually i had the strength to stay gone this long and work on starting my life over safe and happy , I have a safe home , a writing career in the works , my application on monster and ssi on appeal. My story is in the first draft of a novel called a soul exposed waiting to edit and see what the crit group thinks , at some point.

Debi

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#9278 - 01/25/05 06:09 AM Re: divorced...finally!
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
I am unsure of Colorado law, but in most states, you can file for divorce from an estranged husband in another state if you are a legal resident of the new state. Sometimes you have to live there and pay taxes for six months or more to be a leagal resident.

You can probably look in the paper and find a "do it yourself divorce kit." You will have to fill it out meticulously. But if you follow directions explicitly, you can file your own divorce in the new state and he will have to come there to contest it if you have filed in the new state first.
May God bless you.
smile

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#9279 - 01/25/05 06:55 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Debi Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
thats a good idea, and I will look into that I'm just afraid I will mess up somehow , and 2nd when I file, and he contests he will know where I am , and I feel fear walking down the street again.

Thank you for your blessings.

Debi

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#9280 - 01/25/05 07:50 PM Re: divorced...finally!
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Deb, did you check out Dianne's site? ALso, Lynn Tolson is another woman you should catch up with. She's i nthe forums too. Her screen name is LYnn with a few numbers after it. [Eek!]

I'm adding you to my pryaer list. I wnat you to be safe. Please continue to be an advocate for yourself. If you've been in a verbally abusive marriage try to block out all the mean, negative comments. Are you in a church? Do you have someone to talk to that's a good ear?

Blessings and strength! [Wink]

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#9281 - 01/26/05 06:09 AM Re: divorced...finally!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Well Deb you can hire a paralegal to do allthe paperwork correctly. My divorce could have been expensive with an Attorney so I hired a paralegal and it cost a third about $450.00. She did everything and it was so simple. For address safety you can either use a mail box address one where the address is legal for your drivers license and all legal papers or to safeguard your state safety use a friends address in another state. For instance you need to live in Vegas 6 weeks before you can file for divorce, so come here establish residency, use say my address and go home and in 6 weeks come back and file. Hire a paralegal. I'll let you know when and if you need to be here and when and whalla, divorce done. As far as the kids are concerned, as they grow older his faults will begin to appear to them and they will understand. You have to think of you, of your safety right now. Good luck and know nothing is impossible.

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#9282 - 01/26/05 07:28 AM Re: divorced...finally!
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Debi, I don't have much practical knowledge here but I think the other women here have all given you worthy advice. The one thing I do know is that you can change your name at any time for any reason, to any name whatsoever, as long as your purpose is not to defraud or hide from a criminal record.

I wish you the best and am happy you're finally out of that situation.

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#9283 - 01/26/05 09:54 AM Re: divorced...finally!
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Debi,
I understand your concerns about your husband finding you. I wonder if there is a women's shelter nearby that you could use as an official address in order to avoid him knowing your address. Also, I think there might be people there or available through them that would help you file.
Also, I would doubt that your husband would contest the divorce. It is usually very expensive to contest a divorce filed in another state and he would probably not want information to come out about how he abused you and threw you out of your own house. And in a contest, that information would be sure to be exposed.
Perhaps you are not emotionally strong enough to go through all that at this point and maybe now is not the time.
Having been through something similar, I understand that and your need for safety.
My prayers are with you.

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#9284 - 01/27/05 12:01 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Debi Offline
Member

Registered: 01/17/05
Posts: 152
Loc: Kansas City Kansas
Ladies , let me first say , thank you for your support and responses , Chatty , as funny as it sounds we were married in vegas , spent 11 yrs there.I would love to go back there and start where i left off as a surveillence agent. Thank you for the offer. I will look into that.

Meredithbead I have looked at changing my name and it will be 398 or so , Names already picked out ,,, "Deluna Johnson," Deluna has a funny story behind it too boot. it means the moon and thats my birth sign ,. When I had the phone turned on in my name here , someone misintrurprited (hope thats right) Debra to be deluna. Dont ask me howthey did it but it suck.

Smilinize. As for contesting the divorce , I dont know , he contested a restraining order and of all things used my writing against me , he went threw my things and found stories where there were male characters and accused me of going to see these other men , when they were merely stories or letters to characters in one of these stoies. He works for a government agency and works very hard to keeping his name clean. He all but sweet talked the police when they showed up at his door and stood watch as I got my things this last time. they told him he should count the stars that I didnt make out a report. And he had no right to throw me out this was my home too. He spouted stuff like my name not being on the lease , and me not getting a key . Its a story literally in itself.

AS for getting a paralegal to help with the divorce paperwork, Thats what I'm going to school to finish. Ladies thank you so much your support means everything to me.

Deb

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#9285 - 01/29/05 01:55 AM Re: divorced...finally!
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
Your daughter will come around, eventually. For now, work on legally taking care of yourself. Find a Legal Aid Office in your area. Call the local shelter (call 1-800-799-SAFE for a shelter) and they can give you a lot of helpful information. You also need an atty that understands domestic violence. It's too late but you should have pressed charges because there isn't much proof now. But, you left. You're safe. Go to my site (www.eadv.net) as a lot of the women have been through the same thing and also have worked our lovely system, which is not always fair. Usually works in favor of the man.

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