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#9255 - 10/18/02 08:07 AM Parents Divorce when You're An Adult
Candice Johnson Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/02
Posts: 416
Loc: Alexandria, VA
My parents have recently separated. While I have many friends who have divorced parents, they all went through their parents divorce when they were children, or atleast still in the house. My situation feels completely different from their's. Has anyone else gone throug this? Any advice on how to handle the situation as three adults?

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#9256 - 10/19/02 03:55 AM Re: Parents Divorce when You're An Adult
boomersis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/18/02
Posts: 31
Loc: Maryland
I don't have much advice, but I know that it can be difficult to remain neutral. I recall that when my parents were separated, I did not want either of them to feel that I was against them or that I was choosing sides. It helped me to talk to both of them and let them know that I was not choosing sides. I just wanted to be able to help both of them.

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#9257 - 10/19/02 10:31 PM Re: Parents Divorce when You're An Adult
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I think the best thing to do is to avoid talking about Mom when you are with Dad...and don't talk about Dad when you are with Mom. I know it is hard, but it is no fun being in the middle. Just let them know you love them and are there for them. My husband(whose parents have been divorced for about 40 years) still feels uncomfortable when Mom talks about Dad to him...and when Dad talks about Mom to him. You are stuck, because if you agree with them the whole thing of liking one other than the other comes into play. How childish is that?

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#9258 - 11/10/02 04:14 PM Re: Parents Divorce when You're An Adult
Micki Offline
Member

Registered: 10/30/02
Posts: 144
Loc: Linthicum, MD
My parents had never been separated, but I was for about a year. It is REALLY difficult to remain neutral when family or close friends are involved.

However, I appreciated the calls and the contacts to both of us. I had lost the person that I was closest to in my life, and I was hurting really badly. I had also lost my best friend....and had , I thought, nobody to turn to. A few friends and family stayed in touch with both if us, for which I am forever grateful. It all worked out in the end, but I was so miserable for a few months.

Are your parents both living alone? Can you see them both at least once a week for dinner or a movie or a walk, or whatever??

Stay in touch, be there for both, and don't talk to one about the other. And don't try to be a mediator.....things will be what they end up being in the end no matter what you do. I know it is hard, but remember that they didn't get to this point overnight and they won't get it resolved overnight either, no matter which way they end up.

Stay strong......

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