Of course, I think what Darlene was getting at was the Golden Rule thing. Am I as good a spouse to my husband as I'd want him to be to me? Do I do things that help him WANT to be married to me, as I'd hope he would do for me?

I think a lot of it has to do with putting ourselves in each others' shoes. Like, I know when my husband comes home after work, he's beat. He doesn't want a lot of hoo-ha and noise and commotion; he wants peace and quiet and a good dinner. So I try to give him that. (I save the hoo-ha for later!)

And he knows I need a sense of connectiveness, a catching up on each others' day, an exchange of ideas and thoughts and feelings. So even though he wasn't raised in a very verbal home, he's learned to listen to me and talk with me and share his life (AFTER the peace, quiet, and hot dinner, of course...).

We still have areas where we'll probably never completely meet each other's needs or wishes. I'll never be athletic. He'll never be interested in cleaning out the garage. (It could be FUN! Really!!) But I think, over the years, we HAVE tried to incorporate the Golden Rule thing. I think a lot of couples are wanting the other person to 'change', but don't look at what they themselves are doing to the relationship.

Hmmmm
I believe this question is interpreted differently by different people. I thought it meant "am I a good spouse" and not "am I the person I want to be with". Totally different answer for each question.

No, I would not want to be married to the exact person I am. Compimentary colors and spouses (and co-workers, etc) are what I crave.

I am a great partner? Yes. And I would like to be married to a person with my integrety.

Like Anno, I'm trouble too! Must love dogs, cats and horses, too! Having separate interest is a good idea, I need my space and individuality and would expect the same of a spouse. I recycle, and could not see myself w/ someone who does not; however, I don't cook! So, if he wants to eat I have an apron, and in exchange don't mind yard work!

Right now I wouldn't want to be married to me. My stress meter has hit the top and overflowed. I need a vacation in the worst way. You just know when you shouldn't be in a relationship and that you just need to be YOU and recharge your batteries.

I don't even like myself much right now, so I know someone else wouldn't be pleased with me either. I'm trying to find the way back to me and the woods have grown thicker and the foiliage is deeper. I need a big machete to get back but I'll make it.

I agree with you Bluebird. I think I have lots of the qualities I would want in a mate. Dave is very much similar in personality to mine though we both think the other has a bigger heart.

Hey Newleaf, where the heck have you been? I for one was wondering what ever happened with the daughter in prison, your ex, or soon to be ex, your move, new job and the grandbaby? Sometimes "no news is good news." I hope thats the case with you.

Hi Chatty,
Katie is going for a reconsideration by a new judge on Sept 28th. On October 1st she will have completed the Second Chance program and with flying colors. She may be coming home in a week or so! I can't believe it but even if things don't turn out that way, she will be home fairly soon.
Dublin, her six yr. old son is living here now also along with his father. I have a one bedroom tiny tiny apartment and right now there are four people living in it. I have been sleeping at night at my ex husband's huge home because there's not room for me in my own apartment.
Dublin and Aaliyah are thrilled to be back together.

My husband and I are still married. The judge awarded me the money I hoped I might get. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year now. I was reading something interesting on one of those psychic websites about breaking up with someone. It said that when a couple are together, they put out a chemical and the other person becomes addicted to the other's chemical. Could that be true??? He hasn't changed at all and is feeling soooo self righteous now that my grandson has moved in with me also. He says I will never be free to spend all my time and energy on him.
I think he is just about the most boring person I've ever known. I have the divorce papers and have to fill them out and sign them. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I really don't.

I think you should tell him what you said here..."You bore me."

Welcome back and hang in there.

Newleaf, you were on my mind so much yesterday and if I could have made it to my compter, I was going to start a new topic "Has anyone heard from Newleaf??"
So glad to hear Katie is almost home. What a relief for you.
((HUGS))

I just mentioned newleaf in another post. That is so weird. Welcome back. It's so good to hear your voice again.

As far as this question goes...one ting I always try to remember is that we are to outdo (is that a word?) one another with kindness. I try very hard to remember this while in relationship with my husband. We truly enjoy making one another happy. By the grace of God, lots of communicating and time spent together, alone, with family and friends, we have figured out what one another enjoys. This is so important, especially now that it is only the two of us.

I believe our faith has lots to do with it.

We have some friends who think we are so lucky because we get along so well. I don't think it's luck. It's hard work, living our faith, and putting the other first that works for us. Like I tell my kids, you can't be married and be selfish. It just doesn't work.

The marriages I know of that have failed, unfortuantely have done so because one of the partners was selfish. The same is true of couples who are together and unhappy.