Hi girls,

I have heard it said that it's not about finding the right spouse; it is "being" the right spouse. I do alot of couple mediation and I think that one of the most important questions is, are you lovable, likable, and easy to get along with? What do you look like to him?

Would you want to be married to you? Why and why not and what are you going to do about it?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Cheers,
darlene

If I was a man of God, I absolutely would want to be married to someone like me.
I believe it is essential to have a spouse who has a sacrificial love for all. Someone who is prayerful, faithful, honest, forgiving, merciful, humble and giving. I try, with God's help, to be that every day, not only for my husband but for all those around me. I always fall short but each morning, I give it another shot.
I wish I could say the same about him...

What an interesting question. I've been married three times and with my first husband, I wouldn't have wanted to be married to me. I was a wreck. I had no self esteem, I was beaten down, emotionally battered and I didn't fight back, not until the very end.

My second marriage was a mistake from the day I said "yes". My maid of honor tried to talk me out of the wedding, but I felt obligated after all the plans we made. It wasn't a great way to start a marriage. And, I take responsibility for getting myself into that situation and getting myself out. So, I wouldn't want to have been married to me then.

Now. My last marriage (um, my current one?) Anyway, this marriage, I'm a totally different person. I'm strong, emotionally and mentally. I love my husband desparately. He's my sun, moon, and stars. But, I wasn't always so strong. We worked at it. He helped me build up my self esteem. It's a true working relationship. He gives me the confidence to disagree with him some times when we're discussing certain subjects. He was there when I was diagnosed with Bipolar and he stood by me during all the medication challenges. I wasn't always the most happiest person during that time. I didn't make a very good spouse.
So, I guess I'm talking myself out of being married to me in the beginning, but now? Yes, I think I make a great spouse. I'm giving, caring, appreciative, supporting, tolerant and loving.

Yes, I would want to be married to me. I am trouble, but just enough to keep it fun and interesting. If I was the lazy type, unwilling to keep working on the relationship and unwilling to grow as a person, then I would not want to be married to me, but I also would not want to BE me either.

Not really. It will be much too boring to go through life in constant agreement with a replica of myself because I may not be right all the time and the decisions I make may, at times, not be sound ones because it would only consider unilateral positions. There are however a few of what I value most that I would like the other to be an exact image of me which would be faith in God, honesty and unconditional love. Those would be non-negotiables.

I suppose if a I were a man (oh NO) and liked easy going, loved laughter, neatness, intelligence, super work ethic, admired true commitment, help in whatever he does with no lies or deceit and what-you-see is what-you-get, an unselfish dedication to help animals, children and the elderly, then yes, I would love being married to me..

No. I mean, I think I"m a good spouse, and I know I'm an easy-going person, non-judgmental, supportive, and able to balance a checkbook on the first try. However, what makes our marriage work is that we complement each other. He has far more drive and ambition (if we leaned on MY ambition, we'd fall into the soup!), he's more self-disciplined. On the other hand, I'm probably more understanding, and I definitely have dealt better with the kids over the years.

I believe he's more affectionate than I am, which is certainly an attraction for me. I tend to be reserved and he loosens me up. So, I'd say, I'm glad HE likes being married to me, but I wouldn't attract me at all!

Viva la diference!

I agree with dejavu. My husband and I are different people. I think if I were married to myself, I'd have divorced me years ago!

Dejavu & TVC, you both said what I wanted to say much better than I did!