I saw a special on TV a while back about "Parental Alienation Syndrome" (PAS) or sometimes referred to as
"Parental Alienation Disorders."

It's described as when a parent is alienated from his/her children by the other parent (alienator), which largely occurs during divorce situations.

"The syndrome is mainly carried out by women but men are known to be alienators too. Parental Alienation Syndrome is a psychological disorder that the courts are not really familiar with. It goes unchecked in other psychological profiles."

When I shared PAS with some friends, men and women, none of them hadn't even heard of it, and was surprised to find out that it was a disorder. Pratically all of them exhaled, "that's exactly what my "ex" did !"

Further research reveals that studies are on the way for treatment and solutions for the alienator and psychological treatment of children suffering and who have suffered from Parental Alienation Syndrome.

I've never heard of it but it sure makes sense. I can't stand it when adults act like children during divorce situations. The child always loses. Too bad all adults can't grow up when they become parents. Wouldn't it be nice if it was automatic?

AMEN!

I have all to often seen one or even bith parents fighting for the affections of the child/children by running down the other parent. That has to be devastating for a child, first the family is ripped apart by the fightng, then the divorce, then the "get even" syndrome....No wonder kids are so messed up.

I work with a gal who is divorced four years. She has one son and I feel so bad listening to what his dad and paternal grandparents say about his mom. They take every opportunity to sling mud at her even after a judge gave down a court order that it should stop. So sad, the boy is now almost 14 and will probably not want to see his dad or paternal grandparents when he is an adult in just a few years.

Such a shame that parents would want to alienate their child from the other parent during a divorce, yet very common. Sadly, it will affect the child(ren) in their adult lives, both socially and emotionally, and may repeat the pattern in another relationship.

Sometimes it goes the other way around. My sister tried really hard to keep relations between her ex and her kids on a good level. He ended up alienating his own kids, just by being himself.

My ex's new wife was the one who pulled the PAS on me. I ignored it but my son hated it and finally told her to never talk bad about me again! She apologized. The woman didn't even know me.

To do this is immature, mean and childish. These people must have a lot of jealous fear in them.

It always amazes me that sometime these other women consider us, the ex's, a threat. Oh Lordy if they only knew! Right girls...We wouldn't have these losers back if they were wearing solid gold jockey shorts and were sitting on piles of thousand dollar bills. Yuk, pooey!!!

We were very all very lucky in my divorce. My ex walked out when my son was 8 and I have been his primary care-giver for the last 11 years - but we made a verbal commitment that we would both try to keep our negative opinions about the other to ourselves since we both agreed that the divorce was cause by us and not by our son. He had enough to deal with in a world that felt broken apart nevermind having to hear negative things about one of the two most important people in his life from the other one.

We have been good about it for the most part - there have been times when I'm sure we said things we shouldn't have - but I think we did a real good job sticking to it.

Now that he is 19, my son will occasionally ask about things. I try to answer him in a way that is honest but is not hurtful. I want him to be a good husband to his future wife and with his background and the questions he asks I am confident, his future wife will be a lucky lady.

Yes. I have heard of this, lived it, and lived through it. I have observed it for many years and I think all of us have observed it or experienced it -- it's identical to the experiences many, if not most, girls go through when there are three or more friends -- two or more will gang up against one.

I experienced it in my marriage when my husband felt displaced when we had children. I think that he then looked to our child to become his buddy and led the charge as they sought to alienate me from their group. In counselling it was labeled "triangulation."

It led to difficulties for my son that he did not address until he was in college. It all came out for my husband while we were in counselling and once he was aware and committed to changing, the problem has mostly gone away. At the same time, I would say that I believe that there are personalities that I believe are more prone to that behavior and I believe his personality is one of those.

Donna, you have such a good head on your shoulders!

struggling2, good to see you. What you post is interesting. I was only thinking of this in terms of a broken home. I understand how it can work within a marriage, though I'd never thought of it before.

Thanks Dotsie,

I guess I just would rather help my son grow to be the best he can be more than my need to tell off the...

Donna

Good choice.