lin, I have not lost a spouse, but Mom died five years ago. I guess my two cents is that during the first year, the anticipation of the day was always worse than the day itself. I pray this is true in your case. Thinking of you and sending warm prayers and thoughts your way.

Christina, I wouldn't let the high school education bother you. This may be too personal so you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Just soemthing to think about. Do you need money? If not, why not get a job doing something that really turns you on ((old terminology, forgive me, but you know what I mean). I see this as a time for you to recreate yourself. Want to talk about it? Have you read any books about recreating yourself at midlife? I can share a few titles if you are interested.

Christina, I hope I didn't come on too strong. I only want to help you rediscover your purpose. We all have them. Sometimes we just need to soul search to redefine ourselves. I've been there and done that. That's how this site was started. I was in a valley searching because my kids no longer needed me as much and I was always a SAHM too.

I can email you a copy of the speech I did yesterday about redefining ourselves if you'd like.

Thank you all so much. I just got home from work and found your posts. What a wonderful group of women!
My oldest son left a message while I was working. He's going to the cemetary with me tomorrow, all the kids and I are going out for lunch and then..the grandchildren are having a balloon release for Poppop! My children made arrangements to have the day off to spend with me. Talk about a surprise! That had to be some arranging, I have one son who's an attorney, 2 of my daughters are nurses, 1 daughter is a Paramedic in Pittsburgh and my oldest son is a supervisor at at GM. This had to be in the works for quite awhile!
Christina, you have no idea of the marketable skills you have. I hire retail merchandisers for Hallmark almost everyday. The majority of them have high school diplomas, have spent their lives doing the hardest job of all, raising and caring for their families. I have 41 stores in PA,OH,MD,and WV and I know we are always looking for someone. I don't know what area you are in but check out some of the websites. NARMS.com,Hiringedge.com and so many other. These sites are retail based and have opening all over. What can you lose right?
Gentle hugs,
Lin

See lin the children did inherit their fathers kindness, love and regard for others and are showing that now with what they are doing for you and their father to honor his special day with you....You must be so proud and I bet he is too...

lin, sounds like you raised very thoughtful children. How was the ballon ascension?

We did that the first Easter after Mom died. Everyone wrote her a little note and put it in the balloon. Then we all stood on my sister's front yard and released them at the same time. We didn't care about polluting the atmosphere. We had heavenly things in mind.

Are you feeling any better now that his big day is behind you?

Was the anticipation better or worse than the day itself?

Good Morning
The day was very difficult but the balloon release was beautiful. So many colors floating towards the blue sky. I was hopeing to find a deflated one in my yard (a sign?) but it didn't happen. Not to sure why I thought it would... One more first coming up, the anniversay of his death, April 14th. I think you're right, the anticipation is awful but every month on the 14th I think it's been 1 month, 2 months etc and relive the moment I found him. Sometimes it seems so long ago and other times like it happened yesterday. Time is so relative.
I've been wondering about Christina. If you read this Christina please post and let me know how you are.

lin, glad to hear it is behind you and you are still making memories with your family. That's a good t hing. I'm sure hubby is watching with joy and very grateful that your kids are still looking out for you.

Strange to me that even 48 years later I can still sit quietly in the darkened house and listen to music that reminds me of our time together when we were young and so much in love. My Eddie loved the singer Jackie Wilson and his music still after all this time makes me cry....Time may heal but it never erases.

Thank God time doesn't erase our memories but they are bitter sweet aren't they? Some songs bring a slight smile and some are so heart wrenching.
Gentle hugs,
Lin

Bittersweet is the perfect word to describe many of our feelings. We look at other couples and even though we do not wish them any pain we have a bittersweet pang wondering what we would have been like if our spouse had only lived. It is difficult to describe , at least for me. But it is with us always.