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#81446 - 04/14/06 05:08 PM getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Most of you know I have two high school seniors. I feel the end getting closer. Already, there's a prom next weekend. From then through June 1st the activites will roll out. I am very happy for the kids, and happy for Ross and I too because we'll have more time to ourselves, BUT...I can't believe this stage is coming to an end. It went so quickly.

Did any of you tear at the thought of their graduations?

Yesterday I received an email from someone who also has a senior at another school. They do a senior appreciation day. Friends and loved ones fill out forms and they are delivered to the kids in honor of them. I filled up as I read it.

What's gotten into me?

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#81447 - 04/15/06 02:05 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Tear up? I bawled like a baby. Was good though, I got it out before the actual ceremony so that I didn't embarrass my daughter! I have 2 girls, one already off in college the other to graduate this May also (then she's off to boot camp with Air Natl Guard) It is hard to see them move on with their own lives when they've been the center of ours for so long. I remember tearing up when I dropped them off for Kindergarten, now this...

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#81448 - 04/15/06 02:53 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Oh heck I cried for days before and days after my two wanted to leave home and get a place with a buddy or girlfriend. My youngest son enlisted in the Marines and that nearly killed me even though we weren't at war but he wanted the Seals or special forces wherever the action was. My sons have been gone fvrom my home for many many years now and I still miss the hell out of them. I wish we had a huge home and could share it and share in each others lives but alas we don't raise our children for that I guess....We raise them to be independent and able to care for themselves and their familys without us....boo-hoo!!!

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#81449 - 04/15/06 05:03 AM Re: getting closer
Sherri Offline
Member

Registered: 03/12/04
Posts: 1177
Loc: Decatur, Illinois
I bawled and bawled and that's all I could think of for nearly five months. Especially when my youngest left home for the Navy, I wanted to just curl up and cry until there was nothing left. It's part of growing up and moving on, but it still hurts, they are our babies!

Sherri

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#81450 - 04/16/06 01:52 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
I find it interesting that families did all live together under one roof (or on the same land) decades ago, than came the luxuries of the American Way, electricity, cars, air travel, now we can be more independent families/people and we don't need each other so much. I thing technology is great but it kind of makes you wonder what we gave up to get so far? Funny thing is I wouldn't be thinking this way when I was 20/30 something!

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#81451 - 04/19/06 10:05 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, the sad truth of the matter is that I beleive we still need one another. We're making it less possible due to the mobility of society.

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#81452 - 04/21/06 12:07 AM Re: getting closer
leigha Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 211
Loc: british columbia
I WAS UPSET FOR A YEAR WITH TEETH AND GUM PROBLEMS WHEN MY SON LEFT FOR ALBERTA FOR A YEAR.
It was great shock to me.I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! Thank GOD he came home and realized the paradise of the mountains we live in, even though we're somewhat isolated.HIS APRECIATION FOR FAMILY GREW, HE DIDN'T JUST SEE CHORES.

LOVE LEIGHA

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#81453 - 04/21/06 03:11 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Bless his heart. Some time a child has to leave a place to realize how important and wonderful it is to them...chores and all!!! [Wink]

[ April 20, 2006, 08:12 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#81454 - 04/22/06 06:35 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Leigha, you must have something special going on there. How old is he now?

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#81455 - 04/23/06 03:55 AM Re: getting closer
leigha Offline
Member

Registered: 02/21/05
Posts: 211
Loc: british columbia
HE'S 23 NOW. I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH!
LOVE LEIGHA

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#81456 - 04/28/06 04:15 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Oh my gosh Dotsie...I was a basket case each time one of my 4 babies graduated from High School...afterall...it's the end of their childhoods so to speak...my youngest is now finishing up her junior year in college and I begin to cry just thinking about her college graduation which is a year away!!!...Just go with your emotions...don't repress them...my kids would have been crushed had I not been upset about them leaving...they love telling their friends about how much mascara I had on my face at their graduations... [Smile]
Also...don't you and Ross get too comfortable in your empty nest...most kids have to move home for awhile after graduation from college now...the world is so expensive these days...the kids still need our help getting started...I always offer them a rent free room and some good home cooked meals so they can save towards their own places...
So as soon as you drop them off at their respective colleges...you and Ross Run don't walk home and begin enjoying your alone time...it's over before you can get used to it...everytime I turn around my college kids are home on some break or another...:)and then they graduate.. [Smile] ..I promise you'll be okay... [Wink]

[ April 27, 2006, 09:16 PM: Message edited by: AvalonBlondi ]

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#81457 - 04/28/06 04:43 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Once again the wisdom of our Avalon Blondi who has been there, done that...

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#81458 - 04/29/06 07:29 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Blondi, thanks for your perspective! We have been advised to plan a few trips for the fall. We're definitely going to do that. Fortunately, I adore my husband and look forward to being with him. But, we've poured our hearts and souls into these kids and I know we're going to miss them.

I am so grateful for instant messaging and cell phones. They have sure made the distance seem shorter with our son who is almost 10 hours from home.

By the way Blondi, I learned last night that his baseball team didn't make it to the play-offs so he's heading home for five days between finals and his mini-mester. Seems you know what you're talking about!

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#81459 - 04/29/06 07:40 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Sorry that your son's team didn't make playoffs this year Dotsie...but it says so much about your relationship with him that he is choosing to come home to you during his short break rather than spending it fooling around with his buddies somewhere...I don't think you have too much to worry about, something tells me your kids will always choose to be close to you....

Also I agree with your atatement on instant messaging and cell phones...they have been a Godsend to me when my kids are away....my oldest daughter is living NW of Seattle and yet I rarely go a day without communicating directly with her in one form or another...I feel very lucky.

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#81460 - 04/30/06 07:49 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Blondi, another way I know he's alive and breathing is when I sign on AOL, I see his away message. When he first went away to college, it gave my tremendous peace to see those messages.

Do any of you have the cameras on your pcs?

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#81461 - 04/30/06 02:26 AM Re: getting closer
Pam R. Offline
Member

Registered: 03/10/06
Posts: 404
Ladies, we are all so alike! Us boomers!! I cried on Kindergarten day, cried on the Brownie Investiture Girl Scout day, cried at the first dancing recital, communion, confirmation, graduations, wedding and now baby showers! One of the hardest was the DROPOFF AND SAY GOODBYE COLLEGE DAY! Wow, we took 2 cars to the dorm which was 3 hours away in order to have room for ALL HER STUFF! I hid in the ladies room before saying goodbye while trying to compose myself. I didn't want to leave on that hysterical note. Anyway, I was not the only mom (or dads too) that had red eyes and clutching those tissues. I drove home with our younger daughter sobbing. Don't know how I made it safely for such a long drive. After we arrived home, I couldn't find my husband in the house for a short time. Finally, I realized he was on our deck crying his eyes out!! That was 11 years ago and we still get teary-eyed when we think of it. It truly is the way life is supposed to go, but we still have such a heavy heart while we are getting there!

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#81462 - 05/01/06 02:06 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Dotsie, I,like you, adore my husband and do look forward to our time together. I was just thinking today how it seems he is the only one who is TOTALLY interested in me and what I do and think. I also was thinking about how much I want my girls to not worry about me (seems I have to worry about my parents a bit, mom has few interests other than me and my brother and dad's health is a little shaky at the moment) I certaintly know I can't plan it all but I want my girls to think "hey, mom's doing alright she's out running, training the dog, gardening...same with dad". Not all is predictable and I definitely want to be available for them but also show them how be produtive, happy, wise, fun adults. And I sure will welcome them any time then need to come home. This is their time AND OURS!

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#81463 - 05/01/06 10:36 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog,I'm with you when it comes to the kids realizing I am content. I believe that's another way of setting a good example.

We need to make them realize we are happy with who we are. Yes, they add tremendously to our happiness, but I never want them to think they are responsible for my happiness.

Downdog, how old are your girls?

Pam R, I beleive every word you said. My husband will also be grieving because he has been as involved as any dad I know. He has always put his family first. He's talking about joining a tennis ladder to occupy some of the time he's spent with the kids.

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#81464 - 05/05/06 02:24 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Dotsie, my kids are 18 and 21. (The labrador is almost 2!) I remember bawling all the way home on the first trip each of my daughters took to camp at around 8 years old - for 5 days. Now the youngest will be gone to boot camp for 7 weeks, tech school for 10 months and then off to college 4 hrs away. Not across the country, but not in the next room either. The hard thing is she is SO excited to do all this and I have to encourage her and be excited too. I have my break downs late at night and my poor husband has to listen to me. I know he is feeling it too, but I think he feels he has to be strong for me.

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#81465 - 05/05/06 03:01 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
My mom calls this a vicious circle and downdog you and your hubby are there!!!

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#81466 - 05/06/06 07:56 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, I hear ya girlfriend! My oldest is 21, just finished his third year of college almost ten hours from home and is driving home today! Woohoo. My daughter is 18, a senior in high school and beginning college in our state (but living on campus) in the fall, and my other son is 17, also a high school senior and beginning college in the fall four hours from home.

PLEASE stick around. We can support one another in the upcoming months. I will certainly be here for you.

Graduations are approaching. I am so happy for them because they've made some good choices in life. I'm also happy becasue they are becoming independent, but it means I'm out of a job...which has been happening for the past couple years.

I fill up thinking about sitting at their graduations...such a mixture of emotions...thanks to perimenopause!

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#81467 - 05/06/06 01:26 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Awww Dotsie...you are so close with your kids...that will never change...And wait until you see what happens to your family Holidays now that your daughter has decided to stay in state and close to home...3 of my kids chose that same path. I have had as many as 6 extra kids at my Thanksgiving table for the past 12 years, starting with my son's fraternity brothers, who could not afford to fly home for Thanksgiving and then again 2 weeks later for winter break....later one of my daughters brought me 9 extra kids for Easter...and of course they all got easter baskets right along with my own 4...I just know your home will be a favorite gathering place away from campus for your daughter and her friends...so don't retire your "Mommy" role prematurely... [Smile]

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#81468 - 05/07/06 04:39 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Well, I need to tell someone this, I've been walking around using the "happy face' for a couple or hours now and I sure don't feel that way. My youngest,as I've said before is graduating from high school in a few days, then is going to boot camp for the Air Natl Guard Reserves. I assumed she would come home for at LEAST a couple of weeks before Air Guard tech school, but just found out that she will fly straight from there to her training, and will be gone for 6 months. And she's so excited. I don't want to bring her down, but I wish she'd act a bit like she'd miss us. It all seems so sudden and real. I asked if we could visit, and she says-"sure but it's only 6 months mom'. My hubby says give her a chance she's too excited to realize that she'll miss us. I feel on the verge of another big crying fit and I hate it when I do that, I look like and feel like crap the next day!

You are right Dotsie, I feel like I've been forced into early retirement-where's my retirement package?! I want one filled with a bazillon hugs, a few IOU's for visits, a couple of I'll miss you's, 1- you were a great mom. Maybe I should give MY mom one of these, huh?!

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#81469 - 05/07/06 05:39 AM Re: getting closer
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
downdog, If I was a betting woman, I would bet a hundred $ that your daughter will miss you terribly. She just hasn't ever experienced being away and doesn't understand - but she will - and you will get your "retirement package" shortly thereafter.

Hang in there, it's a process.........

Daisygirl

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#81470 - 05/07/06 06:57 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Thanks Daisygirl. You want them to grow up happy and independent. You teach them to grow up happy and independent. Then they do... and we're left with whats to do?...

It sounds so sad. I, luckily, have alot of other interests, but they are "interests" not investments like kids and family are. I need to find something worthy of "investing" in again.

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#81471 - 05/08/06 12:28 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
I know exactly what you mean Downdog....my family has been my passion for 30 years....I'm looking...but can't seem to find another passion that makes me feel fulfilled and keeps me from missing being the "Mommy" I still long to be....I have warm wonderful children...and they constantly tell me they love me and value me...but they are now GROWNUPS...I want my babies back....and I am really having a tough time with this huge adjustment....

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#81472 - 05/08/06 02:30 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I truly believe that feeling never goes away Nancy. My eldest is 44 and my baby is 39 and as busy as I stay, I miss them every single day and feel hurt when my son doesn't call or come by at least every week which he doesn't because he has a busy busy life too. It's like I am a visitor in his life now instead of a daily part of it. Silly I suppose but it does bother me.

[ May 07, 2006, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#81473 - 05/08/06 08:44 PM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Not silly at all Chatty...I know how you feel though...my son calls me often but travels for his job and parties on the weekends and so I don't get to see him half as much as I'd like...I try very hard not to complain to him because I don't want him to think I'm one of "those Mom's"...however...my heart aches when I don't see him every week or so...
But here is something upbeat in my life...my married daughter who lives on the West Coast is home with me this week and is staying right through Mother's Day....what a gift this week is!!
[Smile]

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#81474 - 05/08/06 10:56 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
It is so weird to begin to be on the side where my mother and MIL have been for years. What they have been experiencing for years is truly having a big impact on me now because I'm almost there. Very odd feeling.

downdog, I bet your daughter will be crying for you before you know it. You just wait.

daisy, you are so right. It is a process and I have so much more to go through. First, I have to get through these graduations.

Blondi, I'm hoping my daughter will bring friends here. That would be so much fun to be able to do for other college studnets what other families have been doing for my son who's almost 10 hours from home. He's spent the last three Easters with the same family. They have been so good to him and I am so apprciative. I would love a chnace to be that family for other kids.

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#81475 - 05/10/06 06:54 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
It's weird, it takes till you have kids to really start to respect your parents. Then when you're kids leave you began relate to your parents. For me, it's hard to see the generations changing...my kids becoming me, me becoming my parents, my parents becoming my grandparents. You know what I mean? How we viewed everyone when we were there age. (Passing the torch, I've heard it described).

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#81476 - 05/10/06 04:31 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Downdog, this is so true. It's rather humbling, isn't it?

I've had fun realizing that I'm as old as my mom was posing in my prom pictures with me. I recall thinking how old she was. That's what my kids think of me I guess, but I don't feel that old. Do you? Make sense?

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#81477 - 05/11/06 09:05 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Makes too much sense. Boy do I hear you. NO, I don't feel that old, but I know that's how THEY see me. At some point, I'm not sure when it is, but you become/feel like a PERSON, not an AGE. I think it's been harder to "act (& dress) my age now then ever. I don't know how old I am. Is it how old I feel, how old I look, how old I act...want to be...how old my kids are...how wise I am (ha, ha), you get the point.

Humbling, puzzling, sad, weird, unexplainable,thought provoking...

I often wonder why life has to go uphill, then in reverse, back downhill. (Not that this is downhill in a bad sense, but it IS cycling). I know it's the "life cycle", but does anyone else struggle with this concept. I'm not trying to question God, but I sure can be Curious George!?

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#81478 - 05/12/06 12:00 AM Re: getting closer
Daisygirl Offline
Member

Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
I think we should be the age we feel. I have a friend who is 20 years older than me and old enough to be my mother. I have more fun and more in common with her than any other friend I can think of. She told me today that she feels my age......and if I didn't know better, I would think she was, too! She has a positive and upbeat attitude towards life, although it hasn't been an easy one - that keeps one young.

My 4 yr old grandson asked me if his dad was my dad too. LOL LOL I know he doesn't think I'm old!

Seriously, I don't feel obligated to dress, act or be any certain age, except what I feel inside. Now, I'm not going to dress like Paris Hilton or anything, but I do keep up with the current styles, politics, current events, etc. -as long as it's me.

Be who YOU think you are..........

Daisygirl

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#81479 - 05/12/06 12:20 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
This is a great conversation.

I can totally relate..like totally. Just kidding. How's that for not acting my age?

At this point in time, I feel like my mind is getting better, I am not intimidated by others, I do what I want because I want and not because someone else wants me to, I have more clarity about what I believe...and...my body is aging...but I'm pretty cool with that. It seems to go with getting older and wiser. I happen to like gaining wisdom through the years so I'll take the aging body parts.

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#81480 - 05/12/06 03:47 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
This is all so true...I truly don't feel my age (whatever that means) I simply feel like a grown up...and I can feel comfortable with a 25 year old or an 85 year old ...like you Dotsie...I no longer let other people intimidate me..and I am confident in my own wisdom...BUT...I really hate the aging body parts though...not for vanity reasons..but because they slow me down more often than I would like to admit...i remember my Grandmother saying to me."if I only had an oil can for my knees everything would be perfect"...well that's how I feel now...only I need the oil can for my back....still...life is good!

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#81481 - 05/12/06 08:09 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
I also remember an "older" lady that I got to hang out with for awhile (same Daisygirl, about 20yrs older), she did cartwheels down this track we were walking on, so full of life and fun and sillyness, I remember thinking "I want to be just like her when I grow up!".

I think we stop feeling an age somewhere around 30ish, and them just become who we are, a personality, a person.

I do still struggle with being intimidated by others, I think it's a confidence issue. Most people would be surprised that I struggle with that, since I put up a really good front. I also think its weird to see the younger generation (25-30ish) and be referring to them as "kids".

I wish I could get to that place where I'm not always wondering what others are thinking of me. I, way too much, get my self confidence from what others think. It's a personality, but it's also vanity, "center of the universe syndrome". LIKE YUCK! Not a good thing.

I want to age with the grace my girls will respect and want to model.

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#81482 - 05/12/06 09:08 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, at least you are aware of it. That's huge.

I soemtimes wonder what others think, then dismiss it by saying, "who cares?"

We're all a work in progress.

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#81483 - 05/14/06 06:06 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
My youngest daughter does the "who cares" thing really well, she's a real sweet, gentle kid, but has alot of self-confidence. I really envy that! It's kidda funny I've got one girl just like me and one who I'd like to be just like! Love them both the dearly, differences included. I think I admire their diferences more as they grow up, they become young adults with neat personalities.

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#81484 - 05/15/06 06:49 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, our three kids are all very different. I like how you pointed out that you appreciate their differences more as they grow older. I hadn't thought about that, but you're right, I do too. I wouldn't want them to all be the same. They have different friends from all groups. You know how they get categorized as preps, jocks, goths, speds, etc.(awful, but true). We've seen them all and every teen has something to offer this world.

I really like teenagers. I think Ross and I will probably become involved with our high school youth group in a couple years. FUnny, that's where we started years ago when we joined our church. Then when we had three kids so quickly, we had to drop out.

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#81485 - 05/16/06 09:36 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Exactly, every teen and every adult has something to offer this world. Now, how to encourage my girls to see everyone as a "possiblity" in the making. AND for ME to remember to see everyone this way. It's neat when I am in rare form and can see people through "God's eyes" and see all their traits, even the most outragous ones, as something God could use.

Is funny, going back to where you were in life before the kids...

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#81486 - 05/18/06 08:42 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I know what you mean about getting our kids to see everyone as having a piece of the truth. Mine still tend to put people in boxes. ANd truth be know, I often go there first in my mind, then have to remove them immediately because I'm training myself NOT to do that. I must be patient with my kids...and quite frankly, have learned a few lessons from them when it comes to this...especially my youngest two. They have friends from many walks of life, and I love that about them.

The older I get, the more diverse my group of friends become...and it has added so much depth to my life.

[ May 18, 2006, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

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#81487 - 05/21/06 08:10 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
I don't intentionally put myself into social situations, but because of all of the recent graduation parties I've had to. It was kind of fun. I've enjoyed visiting with people whom I haven't visited with for awhile. It kinda seems like we've all grown up. Maybe it's me, but everyone seems more accepting and more open, down to earth. We are all in the same boat now, with kids leaving and I think we all sympathize with and for each other and feel like we need each other again. Or I'm feeling like I need them.

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#81488 - 05/22/06 08:13 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, that whole thing about being more accepting of one another is one of my favorite parts of growing older. I think we are judging one another less and looking at our similarities instead of our differences.

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#81489 - 05/22/06 08:17 PM Re: getting closer
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Priorities....they change as we grow, as we mature. What was important in our twenties doesn't seem that important NOW. Thank goodness.

I will never forget the time when I realized that my parents DID have brains, and that they DID know what they were talking about. It was a revelation. I can still recall the feeling of admiration that overcame me when I had this profound insight.

JJ

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#81490 - 05/23/06 04:04 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Don't you all think too that after we have become mature adults ourselves, we understand whats really important in life and what our parents have been talking about all this time?

[ May 23, 2006, 10:33 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#81491 - 05/23/06 07:07 AM Re: getting closer
diamond50 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 992
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
We never thought that we'd be saying the same things as our parents did, or think the same way as they thought lol!

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#81492 - 05/25/06 05:56 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
The older I get, the mroe respect I have for my elders. Wisdom certainly comes with age. The sad part is that the elderly are often ignored in our society.

You mean we're going to be ignored one day? [Eek!] We need to do something about this. [Big Grin] Leave it to the boomers to change everything. [Wink]

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#81493 - 05/27/06 01:48 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Yeah, that's hard to stomach. I don't want to be ignored. Especially when we begin to realize that on the inside we don't feel our age. What are we going to do? I, for one, am going to start thinking and treating the elderly with more respect, not that I'm ever mean, but I do tend to look at them as old and not look at the person. I can only hope that what goes around comes around. But I'm up for any other suggestions!

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#81494 - 05/28/06 07:32 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
I had a rude awakening once while visiting an elderly woman from our church. She was residing in a retirement community. My thoughts on her prior to visiting was that she was old and it would probably be a boring visit. How rude, but honest thoughts.

I found her to be one of the most interesting women I'd ever met. She proceeded to tell me about her job as a teacher, her children, grandchildren, vacations, involvment in the chruch, etc. She was so interesting. I found myself believing she was once the lively person that I was. It was the first time I thought about myself living in such a place after having lived a full life. We forget all they've lived through. The older I get, the more respect I have for the elderly. Also, the more I want to be around them because they are so wise.

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#81495 - 06/03/06 08:07 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
Absolutely! We already have many interesting stories to tell. How many more will we have in 20 years, and who will listen. I do not have an inate desire to serve the elderly, and this has made me ponder - why? So I think maybe this is where I need to concentrate my services, I need to learn more about this aging process and who better to learn it from then the wise ones who are there. And again I want to say I hope that if I do this "what goes around comes around". (Selfish gains strike again!).

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#81496 - 06/03/06 06:15 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Who will listen? Great question. ANd who will care for us if we need it?

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#81497 - 06/06/06 01:01 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hello Ladies!

This 'empty nest' has been a rude awakening for me. Suddenly, my house is totally empty of all the chitter chatter of my last one to fly out of the nest and all of the friends and phone calls associated with her. There can be days that I'm home alone and have even wondered that dreadful, 'what if something happens to me?'.

That lead me to thinking about the elderly and how they must feel. They have so much to say is how I've justified my 'selfish gain' as Downdog puts it, LOL. I really wouldn't mind teaching a computer class or something or another at a senior living center. Could benefit both of us...Yeah? Learn how to quilt while listening to some great stories? [Smile]

I have a 97 year old aunt that is very sharp and such a pleasure to talk to. If/when we visit with her (La) she will cook a multi-course meal after picking fresh fruit/veggies from her garden. If we want fish, she puts her gear on and takes us fishing! WOW! All she wants to do is feed food to our bellies and thoughts. She can actually remember my first words and I'm 42!

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#81498 - 06/06/06 05:36 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
HEy sugaree, glad to hear you survived your first year of the empty nest. How did your daughter do at school this year? Did you do anything differently to survive your first year of living alone?

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#81499 - 06/07/06 03:45 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hello there! Yes. I did do some different things to help with my empty nest syndrome. Most of the time these things worked. First of all, I thanked God for guiding me the hard long path of getting my children off successfully. Since I have such a torrid background, those were my specific prayers and they were answered.

The types of things that I did most were reflect, talked to friends to help them through and made healthy dinners for one or two. Since my serving portions were much smaller, I was able to try out recipes I'd always wanted to but found too expensive.

I got alot of reading in but not much reading for pure pleasure. I read the 'how to's' and the motivational types of articles/books. Basically, I just did things that I never found time to do for me while concentrating on my children.

Thanks for asking!

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#81500 - 06/08/06 06:57 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Sugaree, Is shehome now?

I will definitely cook differently too. We'll eat much simpler meals when the kids are gone. Probably eat out too. We've gotten to the point where we sometimes split meals when we eat out. Ah geez. Is that a sign of getting old?

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#81501 - 06/08/06 10:38 PM Re: getting closer
chickadee Offline
Member

Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
Sugaree, I just wanted to say it's nice to see you back. I missed you.
chick

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#81502 - 06/09/06 02:08 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Hi ya girlfriend, welcome back sugaree. When my empty nest started getting me down I would go to the senior center and see all those people unable to live on their own and enjoy their lives to the fullest. That would get my butt moving and make me appreciate the fact I am healthy and so are my kids and we all can enjoy this time in our lives....it works too!

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#81503 - 06/09/06 04:31 AM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Hi Chick and Chatty! I've surely missed this cyber joy station too, especially you all and some.

Dotsie, she is home now. She wanted to attend summer sessions but $$ wouldn't allow that. She is sooo different. She has always been a speaker but is really maturing her so that she speaks without too much smiling and girliness (new word?). I would imagine since her major is Broadcast Journalism that she has plenty classess to develop those speaking skill. She's the VP at SIFE and her team won the nationals where she spoke in front of many thousands. She said that was the most challenging of all. (duhh, LOL).

Have your girls decided their majors?

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#81504 - 06/09/06 11:38 AM Re: getting closer
DebShines Offline
Member

Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
Hello this is such a great site to have discovered, but I feel like I am eavesdropping. I work full time, have four teenagers and my Mum comes and does my washing and ironing for me everyday. She used to live with us but we bought her a unit. Mum says that being here for my kids and helping me gives her joy. And I believe her, not just because it suits me, but because I honestly would have no time to relax without her help. And the kids have someone at home in the afternoons. Mind you, she spoils them rotten and there are some downsides, hence her unit, but the upsides outweigh the downsides! I think 'using' our parents to help with the kids is a great way to keep the family unit together and to give our parents a sense of purpose and my mum uses the word usefulness. Mum divorced years ago and has been on her 'own' ever since. She feels secure and happy now. She tells me this is the happiest she has ever been. I often think that combining childcare centers and nursing homes would be a super idea, give the old a purpose and the young exposure to the elderly. And as Sugaree says the elderly have a lot of wisdom to pass down. My eldest is nearly 20 so the empty nest is also looming for me, but i am considering going back to Uni to do a degree in accounting, I reckon I still have a good 20 working years left in me!!
Thankyou for the honour of being part of this chat.

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#81505 - 06/09/06 05:19 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Deb, you are so blessed to have such a pleasant situation with your mom. I couldn't agree more with your statement about combining the young and the old. It's a win/win situation.

As far as the empty nest goes - my youngest is at the beach this week so I am getting a taste of what it will be like in the fall. I don't lile it. I miss him. He's such a joy to have around the house. He's very easy going, very much like his dad. I know I'll survie, but it ain't going to be easy becasue my daughter will be leaving too.

Our home has been like Grand Central with the kids growing up and having friends in and out. I know I will miss the activity. My daughter's friend went home last night after camping out here since graduation. Neither of them had to work becasue they took some days off after they graduated so they've done nothing but walk, watch movies, shop, eat and have fun. My oldest son had three kids here last night to watch some game on TV.

All of this will come to a screeching halt in September. HELP!

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#81506 - 06/10/06 07:47 AM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Trust me on this one Dotsie...with your daughter attending college close to home you're going to have more visits and calls than you can possibly imagine...I became the "generic MOM" for all of the out of town kids ...it's still going on with my youngest who goes to college in Philadelphia...less than 30 minutes from home...it's a new stage...but a fun new stage...you'll love it!!! [Smile]

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#81507 - 06/10/06 05:28 AM Re: getting closer
downdog Offline
Member

Registered: 03/18/06
Posts: 81
Loc: kansas
I like the childcare/nursing home idea too!

Been unable to function most of the week as my youngest left for Air Natl Guard boot camp Wednesday and technically won't be home until April 2007. We will get to see her end of July for graduation and a couple weeks at Christmas (I hope). As I am learning there are no guarantees with the Military. I'm definetly soaking up all the advice on how to handle this. Praying is a big part, atttitude adjustment. My husband keeps reminding me that this is an exciting adventure for our daughter and I should view it that way. I'm not necessarily worried about her she can handle it and she knows what she's getting into. But we have a great relationship and bottom line is I really miss her. Need to start picking up the service projects and focus on people other than "poor me".

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#81508 - 06/10/06 12:04 PM Re: getting closer
DebShines Offline
Member

Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
Yes, I think I might be onto a marketable idea with the Childcare/nursing home idea!! Might make a fortune yet!! My daughter is 15, nearly 16 and madly in love with a 16 year old, who seems OK. They have planned to move to England, they think that Australia is too hot, especially Brisbane. They want to open a Goth shop, so my daughter is going to do a Business Degree and she has 'bullied' her boyfriend into going back to finish High school so he can go on to Uni and get a computer degree. She also asked Me and her dad how much they would need to save up before they could leave home and move to England, we said about $30,000 so they are both knuckling down and studying and working partime to save up to leave. Oh well, 15 and 16 is still young so they may end up living in Brisbane and not leaving for England anyway. But I love our shopping expeditions and we share clothes, she does my eyemakeup for me when I go out as I cant see to do it as well as I used to, she is also into doing hair, so she straightens my hair as well - I will so miss her company. We have three boys, 14, 18 and 20 (nearly) and I will also miss them but shopping is not the same with the boys and they definately do not show any interest in eye makeup or hair styles!!
Downdog, good luck for your darling daughter. They need to follow their dreams, and we need to learn exactly what you said, to focus on other projects and let our babies fly free.
If I was not on the other side of the world, we could all get together and get that nursing home/childcare center off and running, I think with all our combined talents it would be one hell of a place!!

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#81509 - 06/11/06 05:58 AM Re: getting closer
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Downgog adding your daughter to our Churchs prayer wheel indefinitely.....

Thank goodness they don't DebShines,LOL [Big Grin] [Wink]

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#81510 - 06/12/06 06:45 PM Re: getting closer
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
downdog, I bet you miss her. Are you able to stay in touch online or by cell? I agree you should pick up on new projects. A busy mind tends to help.

Blondi, that's so funny. My daughter will also be about a half hour from home. The two boys will be miles away in South Carolina and Florida. Does your daughter bring her friends over for occasional meals? Is your nest empty during the school year?

Deb, your daughter sounds so motivated. I bet her boyfriend's parents just love her.

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#81511 - 06/12/06 10:37 PM Re: getting closer
AvalonBlondi Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/05
Posts: 1096
Loc: West Chester ,PA
Downdog, you must be so proud of your daughter!!
She sounds great...I know how you are feeling though...my oldest daughter is married to a Naval Officer and they are stationed in Washington state...thousands of miles from me...i miss being able to see her every day...is there a chance your daughter might get stationed somewhere near you after Bootcamp?

Debshines..your daughter sounds very ambitious and is such a go getter...hopefuly she will change her mind about leaving Australia...but even if she does go to England...chances are she will find that "there's no place like home" and return to you...

Dotsie, yes..my daughter brings her friends home for dinner at least once a week...unless I am down at the beach...then she brings them to the beach for the whole weekend!!! But it's been so much fun for me...this is her final year in college..and I want to savor every last minute of it...I can't believe how fast my kids grew up...now I wish I would have had a few more... [Frown]

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#81512 - 06/18/06 05:47 AM Re: getting closer
DebShines Offline
Member

Registered: 06/08/06
Posts: 111
Loc: Brisbane Australia
Hey Dotsie - you are right, my daughter's boyfriends parents think she is wonderful. And yes, if my unmotivated son had a girlfriend that actually bought out the good in him, I would think the world of her too. Thanks Dotsie.
I'm with AvalonBlondi, if it had been purely my choice (which of course it isn't) I would have had kids until menopause!! But then, the car situation might have been an issue, and the whole economics of that would have been impossible, so my four will do me just fine, and I am waiting to help out with the Grandchildren, I think grandchildren must be the ultimate 'having your cake and eating it too' because you can enjoy them and then hand them back!!!!!

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