I watch House Hunters on HGTV and some of the people are women now alone or wife and husband who's kids have left the nest. They're homes are large and they are looking to buy smaller places. I was wondering what you ladies think about that? My thought is that even though the kids move, get married they seem to always come back and usually with spouse and children in tow. Wouldn't it be better to keep the family home for this reason especially iof its paid for??? Just a question.

Chatty, I'm ready for a smaller house but in our case, my sons have chosen to stay close to home so won't need extra room for them to stay.

We built our house in '89. I designed and contracted it, it was my dream house. It has seemed too big since my daughter died and the house has lost its charm. When we can all afford it, our plan is to trade houses with our son who farms with us. He has started a family and I would love to see them raise their children here, bringing the laughter and child's voices back to these rooms.

So I guess my response to your topic is more emotional than practical. On the practical side, my DIL will have to get used to having the gatherings here, when she has the space instead of us!

[ February 25, 2006, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: flipperjo ]

We downsized 4 years ago with the blessing of both our children, who live out-of-state. At the time, their dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and we wanted to be in a place where I could be comfortable by myself when and if the time came. Thank God, that time hasn't yet arrived.

I love it where I live now. When my kids come to stay, it gets very crowded here, but nobody seems to mind.

Hi Chattylady and all. To stay, or go, that's a question that many of us ask ourselves, about the homeplace, as time goes by. Sometime the decision is more or less taken out of our hands, due to health concerns, or effects, as in the case of NHJackie. Sometimes it's a matter of either too many good memories, or some bad experiences, we've had in the homeplace, that determines our decision. Sometimes we stay, out of financial necessity. And sometimes we stay, merely because it is what we know, and have known, for so long.

In past years, taking care of major home upkeep jobs may have been just a matter of placing a call to a local contractor, or service. While sundry smaller jobs we managed by ourselves. Caring for large yards, for instance, which for some means more work, seasonally determined.

Possibly at this time of life, we may not desire to spend a great deal of money, on home repair, or upkeep. Paying an increasingly hefty amount to heat and cool a large home may begin to be a consideration, as well, when thinking of the future. And, I think too, it depends on what each of us wants, at this particular time of life. With children grown and gone, we may desire to channel our energies into areas other than the time consuming work of the upkeep of a large home. I guess, bottom-line, to go or to stay is a decision we must weigh, according to our own individual needs, wants, circumstances, and in some small part, our willingness, and ability, to embrace change, at this time of our lives.

http://www.intouchwithjeannine.com

flipper, what a great idea. Sounds perfect.

jackie, I understand your reasoning for moving, but do you miss the house where you raised your kids?

We've lived here forever. Had all our kids here and everything. We talk about moving, but I don't know when or where.

Chatty, our youngest two are high school seniors so we won't be going anywhere until there are at least through college. I know they'll be coming home in the summers.

Jeannine, you mention soem important factors to consdier. I hadn't thought about heating this whole home for just the two of us. WOW! But there's no other way to do it.

We sold the house we lived in fo 13 years when our kids were in middle school and moved 3 times between then and where they graduated from hs and went off to collge, although we've always been in the same town. Since we've been out of that house longer than we lived there now, I can't say any of us really missed it anymore.

I have a crosstitch hanging in my kitchen that one of my neighbor's gave me when we moved the first time that says "It's love that makes a house a home." Looking at it helped keep me sane when we lived in a couple of places that's weren't so great.

My situation is identical to yours Dotsie...we moved into our home when our oldest was only 2 1/2 and then had 3 more children...and raised all of them here...my parents lived with us for a year after my Dad retired and they were waiting for their new townhome to be built...This house has seen my kids celebrate their Baptisms and their b'days, First Holy Communion parties and Confirmation dinners,Pre Prom buffets and Gradutaions from HS and College and Grad school..funeral luncheons for my parents and 50th B'day parties for my girlfriends...so much history here...I am so reluctant to move and yet the house is always in need of repair...we have too much lawn , an inground pool that we keep up and only my dogs have the time to swim now...and a very long driveway that I see as a heart attack waiting to happen to my husband each time it snows..my head tells me it's time to downsize...my heart tells me something entirely different...My youngest has one year left of college..and I promised her that she could move back if she wanted to after graduation like the others did...so I am thinking I have at least 2 more years before I have to make a definitive decision...My Hubby is ready for maintenance free living...and I don't want this to become an issue between us...still..I get weepy when I think of leaving this house that sheltered us and watched us grow...

I really love the quote on your Crosstitch Jackie..and in the end ....Love really is all that matters...

Interesting, as we have always been empty-nesters we are UPSIZING!

We have so many interests/businesses, we just need our own shops, outdoor patio areas, gardening and barbequeing, composting, animal areas (five dogs) etc.

Are we weird or what??

Blondi, yup, sounds just like us. And this June we are going to have a heck of a celebration here because the oungest two are graduating.

I think moving is one of those things we are going to have to put on our big girl panties and deal with it.

Di, I think it's great that you are adding to your interests as you age gracefully. I'm sure all the projects are what's keeping you content.

Just thought I'd add my downsizing story. We lived in a large four bedroom L shaped 'Lockwood' house with a lovely pool tucked into the L part. We only have one child so by the time she left home.....which was actually at a young age 17!!! (But that's an empty nest story) We continued living in the big house (a house I never really liked) for another 3 years until it sold and we built a little Versatile Cottage(that's a type of garage/shed/cottage buildings they have here in NZ, all low maintenance stuff) and it's been the best move ever, it's a little two bedroom place with open plan kitchen, office, dining, lounge area....but small enough for me to keep clean and tidy in no time at all, great for the animals, very private and a wonderful view.

Eliabeth comes home often and brings her young man too and there is plenty of room for them when they stay. We have a garage attached which has a second shower and bathroom.

Best thing we ever did. Had enough money over to put into a retirement beach front apartment on the Kapiti Coast, that's half way between our country property and our daughters city apartment in Wellington.

Sometimes I know it can be hard to give up the family home, but for me the big place we left was actually our second family home.....we had lived in the 1st home (another Lockwood but smaller) for the first 13 or so years of our marriage and we both wish we had stayed put in the 1st house rather than build the bigger place.