i choose to be very private about certain aspects of my life.
but im needing to reach out for help. my hopes are that there is no family or friends of mine on this message forum because for them to know the truth would open up hell.
tonight is my 14 th wedding anniversary.its been a bad day. very bad. yday my husband suddenly flipped out because our well/water system is acting up. he attacked me and was calling me names and physicaly abusing me. of corse i fought back because i refuse to not defend myself.
he has attacked me 2 times this year. he has never before done this. he has always been a faithful hard working husband.
he has always been verbaly and emotionaly abusive, sometimes very bad. i just ignore him or give it back to him.
he was abused in very evil sickening ways by his dad when we was young. he refuses to tell anyone in his family and refuses to get any kind of help. he is also in extreme denial. now i know i can not make him see the truth or go get help. he needs to do that on his own.
but what im wondering is what signs and things have any of u gone threw with husbands who have been abused as kids?
it seems we have to live in kaos alot for no reason and whenever something stresses him out he flips. he is losing it. i dont know why one would be losing it after all these years. he swore me to secrecy years ago when he told of his abuse. but im about ready to tell others in search of help. would that be wrong of me? he is not a bad person. he is a sess pool of festering anger hate and rage anymore.
its the first time i ever been worried about my safety. but im a big and strong person so i can fight back well so ill be ok and i dout he will do that again because i fight back to well.
i was also abused as a child but i dont act out like that. i have learned to forgive and come to terms with my life.
the past months we have been going to a new church and growing spiritualy. thigns have been good. its like this is a spiritual attack on us because we were trying to be closer to God. well i for one refuse to allow any evil attack to win. ill fight back!

BJ,
I feel compelled to tell you two things.

1) The messages on this forum are for public view and can be seen by anyone. I will assume you are not using your REAL name? If so, you might want to change it to protect your identity.

2) You really need to talk to Dianne, our resident expert on abuse. She can and I'm sure she will, offer you advice for your particular situation. She is a wealth of info and a caring individual.

God bless you and your husband, and I think you are very wise in seeking help here for your family. Prayers will be said for you and yours.

JJ

BJ: Don't come out to the family about your husband's abuse. Go to a therapist with him so he can get it off his soul and talk about it. However, when abuse is involved, I don't recommend joint counseling. He needs to talk to someone and soon. Go with him in the beginning, if he's open to that but only one or two times. And, if he refuses to go, you need to go yourself.

Abuse is a learned behavior and both of you are repeating what was done to you. Also, it's escalating. When the verbal abuse no longer works, the physical steps in to replace it.

I don't believe in spiritual attacks. This is your husband and nobody else. It's a choice and nothing more. And, don't you feel you deserve better treatment? I do!

We were meant to live rich and full lives. You and your husband aren't experiencing this. This is no way to live for either of you and it's only you who can change it. It doesn't honor God and it doesn't honor you.

My website is at the bottom of this message and I invite you to log on and read. You will see yourself in the messages of others.

Above all, I wish you peace.

BJ, I can't tell you how sorry I am for you and your husband's abuse as children and that it has carried over into adulthood.

You have my sympathy and utmost caring. I'll put you and your husband in my prayers and be strong, you can make it through this.

This doesnt have much to do with husbands who were abused but maybe it will help a little anyway...
I guess my thought is if he is acting out in this way & you already know he was abused, why you would be asking about signs?...maybe i'm just a little dense this morning
I know there are MANY different signs you can look for in an adult that would (but not always do) indicate childhood abuse. Any type of substance abuse, anger, withdrawal, depression, any & all types of sexual dysfunction, risk taking behaviors, obsessive compulsive behaviors, worthlessness, these are kind of the tip of the iceberg, the things you might notice without having to dig very deep.
I do hope you are able to convince him to get help as it does seem to be escalating. But you need to know that if he doesnt want help, thinks there's no problem, you need to take care of yourself. Remove yourself physically from the situation if that's what you need to do to keep yourself safe.
As for why he would just now be losing it after all these years....it just happens that way sometimes. Think of it like a dam that has a crack in it. It's done its job for a long time holding all the water back but over time the crack gets wider & wider. Pretty soon it's a flash flood & there's no stopping it. He needs help. I'm not a battering husband, but the same scenario applied to my abusive childhood.

BJ I understand your question about spiritual attack, and it may well be HOWEVER that doesn't negate the fact that you are in a dangerous situation. You need to protect yourself and if you have children you need to protect them.

Luckily, my abusive marriage was only verbal/emotional, I never had to deal with hitting, but it is my understanding that the cycle is the same. There is a honeymoon period where everything seems fine, then the verbal assault begins and deepens into the physical attacks, followed by another honeymoon period. Unfortuantely, with time the honeymoon period becomes shorter and the abuse periods get longer.

He needs help--more help than you can give him. It is admirable to 'stand by your man', just don't do it at the expense of your own health and sanity. You are worth much too much for that risk. Praying for you.

Glad to hear Chowhuahua you are not a 'battering husband' but not happy to hear you are a husband of any kind????

Please listen to Dianne's advice. I've been through emotional and physical abuse and did some study on it. It does escalate. It is very dangerous. I know a woman who was killed by an abusive husband. I do mean to scare you into taking some kind of action to protect yourself. If your husband has a gun, it doesn't matter how big and strong you are.

And, you don't deserve this one bit!

not even male....dont want to start any kind of uproar or anything