I left my ex six years ago. I've been in my house for 4 years and a few months.

Just now I was reheating a cup of tea and realized that I was hunched over, elbows tight against my ribs, tense.

It's taken me this long to realize that the microwave in my own house is positioned exactly like the one in my former house, kitty-corner, and I was standing the same way I always used to and felt the same as I always used to -- trapped and so very small.

Dang these trigger moments.

MossPatch,
How would it feel if you took a chance and just moved everything around in your kitchen on day. I am on the move of moving things all the time . I don't know how many times I have moved the microwave around and then decided where I have it now next to the fridge on the counter suits well.

Make a new day of it. Just some thoughts on the matter.

Renee makes great sense. Move that sucker somewhere else, move everything....Old habits die hard but they DO DIE if you allow it....

Moss, you are samrt to recognize the triggers. It's time to re-arrange the kitchen...

Thank you, all. I may be a slow learner, but when the aha! moment arrives, I move fast. I cleared a space in the pantry last night and the microwave's out of the kitchen.

It is amazing how a small change makes such a bit difference! Came down the stairs this morning and realized I was now looking at the whole [albeit messy] kitchen in the morning sunshine, not just that blasted microwave.

thanks again.

Wow, you are so smart to have realized that. I'm going to go through my own house to see if there are things that may be triggers for me.

Mosspatch ,
You got girl . One step today and who knows about what tomorrow will bring . I started getting rid of things that I don't use anymore and donate to the hospital sale and use that as a tax write off . I get rid of old books and old glassware , etc. Some days clean all day long . Just don't know what I am going to get into .

Ah, the Soulful Voice is talking to you and healing you. How wonderful that you are open to listening.

Thank you all, again.

It's frustratingly amazing isn't it, what things will trigger us? The microwave hasn't bothered me yet, but I did have to completely rearrange the bedroom, living room and closet.

Every time the phone rings I tense up and I have to remind myself he doesn't have this number.

Sometimes smells will overwhelm me with negative memories too. We can't really control smells but it's so frustrating that we seem to not be able to control the thoughts/emotions when the triggers occur. I hate that at 49 I can be reduced to a shaking mass in under 7 seconds...

You gals may be very interested in the Featured Author forum this month.

Sue Silverman who wrote "Because I Remember Terror "Father" I Remember You."

She is willing to answer questions about abuse, addictions, writing, and getting published.

Sue's story is proof that there can be healing!

There are certain streets in Scottsdale that are a trigger for me. I don't freak out but it makes me uncomfortable so I try to avoid them. Bad memories of being foolish to marry that man.

Someday, I fully expect to run into my ex while visiting AZ...if some woman hasn't killed him yet. I think, when that happens, I'll just act like I don't know him. But then, who ever really knew him, he was such a contradiction.

I am going to mention triggers in the Featured Author forum to see what Sue has to say about them.

Red Door perfume is a trigger for me. He bought me that and now, I can't stand the smell of it. Strange memories begin to surface.

I've learned to control them but let's face it, the memories will always be there although they should never define who are are now.

Wow! I love this stuff!! thanks to all. I did not have the Father Knows Best childhood...I haven't seen nor visited the place I was born in decades. My neice and nephew live in the same town. A few years ago, my other sister, a BWS
advocate...and I drove to the home we were born in. We wanted to knock on the door, apologize and ask the resident if they woulnd't mind if we looked around. (I personally, wanted to see
"what would come up") We were both ready for this, and yet when I pulled up, and got out of the car, my knees shook, I went into an immediate sweat, and we both decided "not a good idea"...Will I try again? probably, but only if my sister is with me. Moving the micro is a terrific idea, and noticing your reaction, is outstanding, and I commend you!!!