Many of the women I work with really suffer from depression during the holidays and especially if they've recently left the abuser. It's very tempting for them to want to be with him again in spite of what he's done. The holidays can bring on very strong feelings of hopelessness and being lonely.

I again thank those who reached out to a battered woman this year. Your actions will make a huge difference in someone's life.

I think one thing the holidays bring on also are the warm fuzzies, remembering the good things and allowing ourselves to forget the bad stuff....I am a true believer that most of women who have been abused and I mean badly abused stay or want to because rather than live in the reality of the situation, they see the man they want him to be not the one he is....convenient memory disease....

Chatty, that is so very true! I remember the "honeymoon" during the holidays while living w/ my abuser, it was charming and my eyes were glazed over! Yet, did not last very long. Gosh, I recall him returning some of my gifts after the holiday spirit left him to punish me for not spending more money on him! Well heck, he bruised me!

Are there any statistics about abusers and alcohol? Just curious if the majority of abusers also drink.

I would think that due to the holidays there is increaded acceptance of drinking. This may add to the situations being much worse for those living in abusive situations. Any thoughts so this?

Oh, big thoughts on this!!!!

Alcohol doesn't cause abuse. The abuser has the need to abuse and the alcohol only causes him or her to lose those inhibitions when drinking. In other words, the tendency is still there.

Some people get mean when they drink. My first husband did. But he was no walk on the beach when he was sober either.

We can say, oh the booze made him do it when in truth, it didn't. He made him do it.

Women who are abused are more afraid of change than the abuser. This is why they will forget what he's really like. They have to pretend or they might end up homeless and on the streets. That's scary and especially during the holidays or if you have children.

A success story! A woman has been emailing me. Her husband of 16 years has been verbally abusive the entire marriage. He carried it one step further and hit her. She called the police, he was arrested and she filed for divorce. She's been hurt that he's never apologized, etc. but stuck to her guns and in court yesterday, he pled guilty to assault.

So, there are women who leave!

Good for her... sounds like it was the final straw.

Sounds as if she was listening to what you had to tell her.

In my twenties, I left an abusive husband at Christmas time. I had carefully planned it and when everything came together at Christmas, I got out.

The worst part for me was that I had left my job to be with him in California. He had a lot of money, but refused to give me anything to buy Christmas gifts for my family so I sewed all my old fabric into pretty pillows for them. I used what money I had for gifts for my kids.

Though I never intended to ever be with him again, I told him I was going to take a job in our home state and he could follow later when he finished a project he was working on for the Whitehouse.

He insisted on driving me back home for Christmas with his family and mine. He strapped the gifts for my kids and his gifts for his kids on top of my van. We arrived at Mom and Dad's house on Christmas Eve. During the night I got up to play Santa and all of the gifts for his kids were intact, but my girl's gifts had blown off the van. I have never been so sad on Christmas before.

But I scrambled and re-wrapped the gifts intended for me from my husband and parents and gave them to my girls. Somehow Christmas turned out as great as ever and I was out of that mess never to go back. Within a month, I was at my new job, had miraculously bought a house, and had the kids in school.

It was the hardest Christmas I can ever remember.

smile

[ December 16, 2005, 11:58 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

An AH is just a bigger AH when he's been drinking.

Daisygirl

Smilinize, great story! Your a success!