So many forms of violence. I think possibly physical violence occurs more often today between partners. Our home became the first 'safe house' for women, in our community in 1984, (other women had got the project started). The prevailing attitudes prior and at that point when women were hit, seemed to be "well, what did she do to deserve it?" "She must of had it coming." (Who would dare admit to being kicked punched or raped the shame was so great)With no place to go, being blamed as the instigator, few skills for jobs outside the home, who will ever know how many women kept quiet, did as she was told to prevent words becoming blows, and cried in silence.

Chatty... I agree with your views above. And have to ask, how can 'adults'enjoy watching any form of violence as entertainment? Isn't there enough of it in reality ?

I agree with Chatty. Movies and television are playing a big part in instagating violence. I won't watch a Eddie Murphy movie because one of his characters slapped an elderly woman in one of his stupid movies. I will also not watch Woody Allen because of his pedophile ways.

It's difficult to say if violence has increased (dv) or more people are reporting it. Men have a harder time admitting their wife is abusing them. "A real man wouldn't let that happen." which really means, he would hit her back.

The NDVH can't keep up with their calls. They have a machine that translates 187 languages and they don't have enough funding to keep all of the phone lines manned. It's not only increasing in numbers, according the them, but in violence. Our technology is being used against us...cell phones have become the latest weapon when used to beat a woman on the head.

Blaming the victim no longer flys, thank goodness. But, even with shelters available, we need transitional housing and job training so the victims can be on their own and not be forced into returning to an abuser because she doesn't have the money to feed, clothe or provide a roof over their heads.

I cannot tolerate watching violence on TV, especially if a man is hitting a woman or anyone is hitting a child. Makes me nauseous.
I never thought of the fact that maybe more women are reporting it, whereas in the past, women just figured it was part of marriage...scary.

Great posts. Please don't forget to create new topics.

Bluebird...a major law changed in the 90's here, which made great differences. Prior to that change, the victim, had to lay the charge.
No matter what was obvious. Now, the police officer when seeing signs of assault, lays the charge. The decision is taken away from the victim to prevent the abuser intimidating the victim into withdrawing charges. It is out of the victim's hands. (Of course they can still be intimidated into not supporting the evidence of who was responsible during a trial.)
But, if one was able to prevent physical harm,
(by silence and obedience or whatever)verbal abuse (which slowly destroys any self respect, dignity) was not recognized unless specific threats were involved. I think verbal abuse was definitely rampant in the past. And it was a double edged sword, in that, if you prevented physical harm, by 'obedience or whatever',
when you did speak out,the common words were "But he never hit her!" "Well, what is the problem ? Did he hit you? Sticks and stones..." Which obviously implied many things.

If you are an African-American woman, you know the pain caused by prejudice. If you are of the Jewish faith, you have heard stories about your ancestors and the bigotry directed at them because of their religious belief. If you are Native American, you understand racism and untrue stories about your traits. If you are a white woman, you comprehend discrimination simply because you are female.

We are all sisters regardless of race, religion, skin color, or sexual preference. Our relatives before us fought for their rights, and we continue in their footsteps. We battle with the laws, the courts, with male leaders, and the corporate world.

Why then do we allow an abusive man to steal from us-to take what is not only rightfully ours, but that which others have previously struggled to attain: our self, spirit, power, equality, sense of worthiness, and control?

We will take on the world to gain equality but roll over and play dead for some man who will ultimately destroy us! It doesn't make sense.

Nowadays, we stand a fighting chance to gain balance in the work force. We can sue against job discrimination. We are able to prove our ability to those who doubted us simply because we are women. But we stand no chance of fairness when involved with an abuser.

Just because we are dealing with matters of the heart, we can't become vulnerable. Emotional relationships can benefit from objectivity and analysis.

Approach your abusive relationship as a business. Is it successful? Are you reaping benefits? What is its value? Finally, the most important business question-what does the bottom line tell you? If it is a failure, it might be time to sell or get out!

Like what Dotsie, how about an example?

Hi everyone, I have a question. Chatty put the words "sex and violence" together. My question is this: Dotsie, are you here? I just thought I'd ask everyone. Since DV is, in part, a matter of power and control, as is SA (sexual assault) and the co-occurence of DV and SA is high, would it be appropriate to include SA in the title of this forum? You would be surprised at the number of women who have been raped during marriage by their partners, but who do not consider themselves as being raped because it was their own husband! I could be biased because confronting these issues is my mission, but, I don't want to exclude SA because it falls so close to DV. Also, a majority of women who experienced SA in their youth go on to marry (or have boyfriends) who are DV perps. What do you think? Can we add SA to this forum?

Also, SA/DV is an appropriate forum for boomer women because it is often not until mid-life that women feel safe, sound, and sane enough to deal with the trauma of their earlier years. Also, many women have been so so busy with raising children, holding down jobs and households, that they never had time to give their traumas a thought until the trauma crashes down on them like a tsunami at mid life. Women are more likely to be raped between the ages of 18-25 (college age.) With so many boomer women with college aged daughters, it is likely that a mother's repressed memory of a date rape or acquaintance rape will come forward as she sees her daughter in college. Of course, there are many chat rooms available on the topics of SA & DV but few are entirely for women, and none are exclusive to boomer women.

Brenda, in what capacity did you counsel victims? I am wondering if you are a therapist. Norma, what happened to the safe house? Our DV/SA agency in CO Springs cites conflicting community activities 1) the neighbors say this does not happen in my back yard (thus affirming Dianne's comment as to why the agency is forbidden to speak at some schools) YET 2) the frequency and intensity of violence is escalating! Yes, even the officers who have been on the DV rounds for years say the violence is getting more violent. Chatty is correct in the comment about the media portraying violence in association with sex. I won't watch Will & Grace because body parts are in every segment, same with that stupid show Joey. I agree with Dianne about Woody Allen. He may be a genius film maker, but I cannot support his work since he married his adopted daughter. An officer went to a DV call. The woman had obviously been hurt. The officer asked the woman if she wanted to press charges. She protected the offender by saying NO. The officer turned to the man and asked him if he had a complaint. He pointed to a tiny bruise allegedly done by the woman. The officer asked the man if he wanted to press charges, and he said YES. She was handcuffed and jailed immediately. This is crazy!

[ November 05, 2005, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: Lynnie ]