This forum has been added at the request of forum members. My prayer is that this will always be a safe place for women to share and learn more about a topic that is near to more women's hearts than our awareness.

Well, I would like to start this off by giving a link to a short article I wrote. It is coming from an emotional level, not lawful, meaning...there are other factors involved such as, the police, judges or attorneys not helping the victim in her time of need.


http://www.askdamaris.com/why_does_she_stay.htm

This article depicts the situation that is far too often the way police missmanage these crucial happenings. Dianne, my ex asked to read your book and was shocked to see the extent of the cruelty that these abusers dish out. If more boys were made aware early, I bet there would be a lot less abuse in their futures. I think we should lobby for this to be a subject taught in our schools to both sexes.

I've been asked to talk to high school classes. What amazed me was the teachers..."I saw a boy slam his girlfriend into a locker. Is this abuse?" If the teachers don't know and understand, what chance do the students have?

I hope some of you watched Oprah today. It was so typical of a victim of abuse. Confusion, hoping he'd be sorry for almost killing her, thinking she loved him. To people who don't know about abuse it seems surreal but to us who have suffered it, it goes with the territory and we understand completely!

Dianne, do you think the blond woman will go back to her abuser? It seemed like she was getting it, but she was very weak.

The statement in your article re the power of the honeymoon period hit home with me. When I was divorcing my 2nd husband for being verbally abusive, he made a comment that I had all the power. I realize now that he was getting very tired of the honeymoon period. Since I wasn't falling for it, he kept it up for months and months, until the divorce was final.

If a woman is with an abuser, the abuser never learns, you have to leave permenantly for them to get it, if they ever do. If I would've stayed, he would still be yelling at me.

Daisygirl

The blonde women is Mindy McRae (spelling) a popular country-music singer. The one thing that surprised me is how casual she was about her life and her rights. For example, she said that the restraining order pertaining to her boyfriend was "100 feet" when in fact the limit is 100 yards. She has been losing her will if she is not empowered enough to even know what the restraining order, which she asked for, is all about. I'm not blaming her, I am just saying how sorely unempowered she feels. I also understand the dynamics of suicide attempts in relation to the loss of will. Dotsie, thank you so much for adding a forum for this important topic. Dianne, the local domestic violence prevention place here in CO Springs is forbidden by certain school districts to do trainings! Yet high school and earlier is the time to bring attention regarding the dynamics of abuse.

Actually, her name is Mindy McCready. I think she would go back to her abuser in a flash but I also think he's going to be doing some serious time for attempted murder so that might give her time to get some intense counseling and break through the fog she's in.

Did you notice how she was protecting him? In some states, if the victim is found with the abuser and a restraining order is in place, she can also be fined. But, she wasn't concerned about herself, just him, which is very typical with a victim of dv.

Daisy, they only pretend to get it. In truth, they never do. It's all an act to pull the woman back into their trap.

Lynnie, let me guess...it's the higher income schools that don't want dv taught to the students. Geesh. "It couldn't happen in our neighborhood!"

[ November 04, 2005, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: Dianne ]

Dianne,

Your article took me straight back in time to my first marriage. But, then again I faced it everyday as a child, watching my mom going through the same abuse. Day after day year after year.
Reached a certain point of being so sick...just looking at him made me throw-up, that I prayed and prayed to be set free.

Just so thankful for the statement at the end of the article; "Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."
Because, I came to know the truth and I was set free.

Counseled other abused women in the Dumfries area for years, before moving here.
My last client was male, it was so hard for me to relate to him. Finally had to turn him over to another counselor. Always felt bad about that... guess I just couldn't relate to a woman being that cruel, even though I know it happens.

Your right, we have more shelters for animals then abused women and their children.

Great article, Dianne. Very enlightening. I'm sure domestic violence has always existed, but do you ever wonder why it is so rampant these days?

Does the phrase sex and violence ring a bell, it should thats the time we live in today. Have you ever watched what our toddlers are seeing in the programs they watch, thats right toddlers, slapping and hitting and violence and thats suppose to be funny, and as they grow older the violent programs escalate. They do what they see and see it they do...

[ November 05, 2005, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]