You also have my prayers for you and your mom.

F N, when you have time :

You mention finding a doctor who doesn't use the cookie cutter approach to caring for their patients. These doctors are becoming harder and harder to find. Tell us how you went about that. Is your Mom's insurance an HMO?

Bless you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. Mom is doing better, but not well enough to come home today. I got home a few minutes ago, exhausted as usual.

I'm almost positive I'll be able to bring her home tomorrow . . . I hope.

FInding the right doctor is luck! I found our doctor ten years ago when I first moved to Georrgia. Just luck.

Sometimes referrals work. It's easier to spot the doctors that you should avoid: the ones who wear their arrogance. There are far too many of those kimd. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

Until later . . .

Is she home?

In part of your book you mentioned all these little adjustments that needed to be made to your home to accomodate your mom. Mind sharing some of them with us?

I feel like a war correspondent reporting from the front. In a way, it is a front. So here's the latest:

I stayed at the hospital until almost midnight last night. My mother went edemic. They were short-staffed, so I had to make sure what needed to get done for her was done. I'm heading out there shortly, but come hell or high water, I'm taking her home today!

To add to the mix, the home health agency I've had for the last two years "discharged" us because I complained about faulty equipment and general incompetence. Most recently, our doctor prescribed home oxygen. The first machine they brought wreaked of cigarette smoke. The second machine stopped working in the middle of the night and Mom had no oxygen. They brought out three other machines and none of them worked. So I had to put her on the back-up tank system and two of the tanks didn't work. I was told they'd "get someone out tomorrow" and, after trying to explain that Mom needed the oxygen, I said I don't care if you drive it out in your car yourself--you get it here! Now I have to file a complaint with Medicare which is very important so bad service can be weeded out.

This brings up a very important point. You must advocate for your aging parent and not be intimidated, (See chapter 4) Since Mom has been in the hospital she has seen six different doctors. Four "think" she has pneumonia and two "think" it's congestive heart failure. (Good doctors will admit that medicine is trial and error!) This is a great example of how different the opinions can be and why it's so important that you pay attention!

Here's another example. When she was in the hospital during the summer, the doctor changed her medication but forgot to cancel her prior one. A nurse argued with me that the doctor wanted both. It took me three hours to to get her to "humor me" and call the doctor who confirmerd that he just forgot to cancel the other medication. (This is why asking questions is important.) The nurse was resentful.

To answer your question, I made significant changes at home for Mom. I put down hardwoods so she could walk more easily and we could wheel her around if we had to which now we do. I widened the door of the bathroom she uses from 24" to 30" so she could get her walker in. I got a chair-height commode which is now available "off the shelf" without special order because we boomers are demanding it.

Until later . . .

[ January 12, 2006, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: F N Rosenstock ]

F N,
Isn't it a shame that you have to pay such CLOSE attention because you know things are going to get mixed up, or done wrong? Once when Daddy was in the hospital for pneumonia, we told them what meds he was allergic to and what would happen if he was given these meds. We (me and my sisters, Mom) stayed with him till sleepthirty and then we left. What did they do? You guessed it...he was out of his head literally for three days after that. They apologized and said they OVERLOOKED it on his chart. Hello? We took turns staying with him all night and day after that.

The more I read here, the more I remember ... sigh...

JJ

This thread is killing me. I so-o-o want to join in, but the memories (and the current hell) are just too much for me to handle. Believe me, FN, there are so many more who appreciate your words than you will ever know.

F N, I got goose bumps reading your post. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

This is such a huge topic for our generation because if we haven't been through this already, It's yet to come.

Your frustration brings back so many memories of the 6 months Mom suffered with cancer. Fifty, I can relate to your post.

My mother was in doctors care. He told her she had a form of arthritis. Never did any diagnostic testing. Just kept telling her to take pain medications. We have pitcures of her at her granddaughter's graduation party in May with a heating pad on her chest and ribs. During that summer when she continued to call and complain, he blamed it on the humidity. Said all his arthritic patients were complaining. Take MORE pain medication.

She fell in the bathroom in late August. Dad took her to the ER. All's well. they checked her foot because that's what hurt the most.

Told Dad that if her chest didn't feel any better, she wanted him to take her back to the ER.

He did. They did chest xrays. Yup. Broken ribs, not necessarily from the fall. But from cancer eating away at them. Typing this makes me want to vomit. The negligence. And all of us thought Mom's doctor was taking care of her.

She even had a colonoscopy duing the chest pain time due to another issue. We swore she was going to ahve colon cancer, but no, it was the other cancer. the pain in the chest that was causing her to lose weight.

Looking back, I feel so dumb.

Wow! Your posts are frightening. This is why I camp out with my mother, much to the chagrin of the hospital staff. Too bad! To them, she is the patient in bed #2. To me, she's the one and only.

This is why speaking up is so important. So many are intimidated by white coats. Don't be. We go to the same hospital all the time so by now, they know not to mess with me.

For example, the doctor ordered 40 mg of Lasix. I made them cut it down to 20 mgs. You can protest and refuse any treatment. Also, living close to Atlanta helps. There are so many hospitals here, if they give me a hard time, I just threaten to take her to another hospital. (They usually listen to what I say -- they don't want to lose the insurance money!)

The doctors who know me (and most of them do because we've been there so often) always try to get Mom out asap. They say they know I will take excellent care of her. (I think they just want to get rid of me so I don't give the other patients any ideas!)

Anyway, good news! I took Mom home this afternoon. They wanted to send her home in an ambulance (easier for them) but I made them help me get her dressed and put her in the car. We took a slow drive along the scenic route home, about 1/2 an hour from the hospital.

She was couped up in a very small room without a window since Sunday night, so the beautiful blue sky and the almost 70 degree temperature really perked her up.

Tomorrow, I'll be trying to get her back on a regular schedule; it's the only way she's going to get out of "sick mode" and regain her strength.

Now, there is a glimpse of humor in all this. I think I told you about the home health company that "discharged" us because I complained about their faulty equipment and incompetent service. Well, we signed with another company and in this morning's paper, I read the new company I signed with is buying out the other company. Now when I file my complaint, I may get to wreck the sale.

When the Universe speaks, it's powerful. When it makes a joke, it's fabulous!

Until later . . .

I'm so glad to hear that Mom got to go home. Don't you know that when she heard those words, "going home today" that she immediately started to feel better?

You are such a kind and loving person. Oh that I would have someone like you taking care of me in my old age. What a blessing that would be. I love the way you described your Mother in the first paragraph, "To them, she is the patient in bed #2. To me, she's the one and only." That says it all.

Good luck with Mom, and the new company. You two are never far away from my thoughts.

JJ

Well, folks, I spent another fun-filled day/night in the ER! We started at our doctor's office and he called the ambulance because Mom wasn't breathing right. I think it was the oxygen tank!

Anyway, we were released (it feels like getting out of prison) and by the time we got home, it was almost midnight.

Just another day in the life of a caregiver.

Until later . . .