Mrs. Muzz (and others)--One of the freedoms for me this Christmas is feeling less fettered by the expectations of others. I love the image of you turning loose of that flour bin and noticing that the world spins anyway. And Christmas gifts, after all, are called gifts, not "Christmas obligations." What if the mall ads read "Find the perfect obligatory gesture for everyone on your obligation list!"

My wish is to gift my daughter and my clients and my friends with an image of midlife and elder womanhood as something to be cherished and enjoyed--and a prayer that they will carry that image with them into their own old age. The world desperately needs women who are self-confident and self-loving, who can offer their wisdom and services out of a state of abundance and generosity. We can't exemplify that if we're exhausted and overtaxed.

Thanks, Evie! That's my prayer for all of us in this forum--a vision of containment and self-possession and poise, especially in this hectic season.

All the gifts are wrapped and under the tree and for once I am not worrying about having got it "right" - I've put in a good effort and no one should expect more than that. I'm coasting until Christmas Eve then a last minute clean and setting up the big table for lunch for 22! (I actually quite like that part). Everyone helps so cooking isn't a big deal. Peace to all - here's my Christmas tanka

a dark cave
warmed by animals
a single light
glints on straw
wet with lochia :

Thanks for al the sweet thougths that continue to swarm my brain this season. I'm grateful Daphne could be here with us at this time. It's been very helpful.

Daphne, you mention learning from wounds. I'm a firm believer in wounds being teachers too. When I look back on my life, it was during the roughest times that I eventually learned the most and was able to grow to the next step. Sometimes it's hell being in the midst of a tough time, but if we only have hope that better things are to come, we can't lose.

You have so many excellent lessons amidst your pages.

Please tell me we haven't finished discussing this book. I just got my copy yesterday and am hoping to get it started today between the baking writing and wrapping. I've read some of your comments and am anxious to get started.

Thanks for all the great ideas.

Chris(angel)

CHris, Daphne is here through the first week in January. Don't worry. You have time. Enjoy her book. Be sure to do the pieces at the end of the chapters.

Daphne, I enjoyed Chpater 11, Showing Up. I underlined most of the chapter.I wish you were in my prayer group. You'd fit right in. We often talk about finding balance and expectations...especially this time of year.

I'm very much here until January 6th, and I wouldn't miss this experience for the world. I hope all of you are having a merry Christmas--whatever that means for you this year. If you're fatigued or depressed or feeling lost, remember that the real Christmas happened in a stable in the cold. Find an hour or two to tuck yourself into your quiet space. Read some of your favorite poetry, or write in your journal. Light a candle for all those who are suffering of hunger or cold or violence or illness. Do it with the faith that, by finding a few moments to pray, you are tending the soul of the world.

Enjoy the day, and thanks for the blessing you are to me this year.

Hello Daphne,
I started medapause at 55 and been three years into it. Doing Ok , but this Christmas ahs been such a sad time for me . My mother in and nursing home in DE and brother alone in DE and not married and car broke down and can't get to see mother . He was always close to mother and that is Ok by me. now. I lost my dog this year my beloved Yorkie of 11 years last July and I had thyroid surgery . I fee overwhelmed at times can't even cry anymore . Just numb ... I have set goals for myself to write about my experince with my mother and her relatives and losing the POA in 1999 . Taking one day a week to volunteer at the office of Alzeimer's Assoc. Make sure I do more Temp Work. I think that about covers it. I wonder how can someone like me have so much problems with mothers relatives that hate my brother and me. They won't me out of mothers life . How do people like this sleep at night. ? Good question. I do hope I have not overwelmed you .

Again welcome to the boomersite .

Nancy of Maryland